How do I not get so irritated???
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|Fri, 05-23-2003 - 9:45pm|
I don't know if anyone remembers but I was struggling thru the school system to get my ds tested (although we homeschool him). We got that back a couple weeks ago. I was told several times by all of them individually that he didn't have asperger's but was "emotionally disturbed" instead. Or they said they agreed w/ his anxiety disorder he was diagnosed w/ 2 years ago. But they did in fact come back w/ asperger's (w/ a rule out of bipolar based on family history - he has symptoms in so many categories but "fits" the asperger's label more than anything else). Of course they said several times (in the report also) that they couldn't rule out homeschooling as the factor for his math problems (he scored 135 on his IQ test which is above average but his math was really poor - 78) and also b/c of his social problems. (Um, hello? isn't having social problems a part of having asperger's??) They honestly said in the ARD meeting that they didn't realize he was involved in things - they thought he was pretty much holed up at home w/ only his 3 yo sister to play with. Whatever! I told them several times during the evaluations that he was active in church, scouts, took piano lessons, met w/ our homeschool support groups for field trips and such as well as a homeschool group at the Y twice a week for PE! NO - he's not socially active every single day but he's no hermit! I couldn't believe their assumptions! BUT - anyway, I got the asperger's label. Although they said they coulnd't offer him anything since he was homeschooled (counseling would have been for how to address his school problems, the IEP would center around his school and since it's at home, it's not needed, etc). I mentioned the OT - that I was really concerned w/ his fine motor skills (something Imentioned throughout all the evaluations) and they said, "well, we didn't realize it was a problem until the end, so we never had time to do the OT eval" - WHAT???? So we've set that up but b/c it's the end of the school year (next week), it probably won't happen until next school year. Grrr! So that's what happened at the ARD meeting. Overall I was happy - mainly b/c they did see the asperger's in him and it was kind of a relief to know it's not just me! SO many times I've been told that I'm just looking for things that aren't there, or no one else sees the problems, he just has "quirks", etc. And finally I felt like I wasn't alone.
ANYWAY! lol! That's not why I'm writing this. I'm just so frustrated and irritated w/ my ds right now. (Btw, he's 9) I get so irritated by him walking on his toes all the time. I get tired of the "palilalea" (mouthing what he says after he says it over and over). I'm SO tired of the obsessions. THAT especially is getting to me. He's obsessed w/ legos right now, particularly bionicles. It's consumes him and it's driving me batty! I don't want to spend time w/ him b/c all he wants to do is play w/ those stupid things and it's all he wants to talk about. It's SO....Ugh! I'm tired of him not fitting in and I feel awful for him. I feel awful b/c he finally has one friend and I just KNOW he's going to push this friend away w/ his obsessions (luckily this kid likes bionicles so it might not happen right away). And part of me gets so irritated b/c he's so...different. He's so...weird sometimes! And I get mad (I don't show any of this to him btw - it's all inside, internal feelings) that he doen'st fit in!
My dh is gone ALL the time and I homeschool ds also so I'm with him 24/7 and I know that's part of it. It's wearing me down emotionally. I feel awful for feeling the way I do but I can't help it right now. And I don't know what to do! Please tell me I'm not alone in these frustrations. Please tell me how to get past it so I can go back to being the best mom I can be for my ds and not feel so frustrated and resentful. Please help me!