How do you deal with family?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2006
How do you deal with family?
7
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 8:51pm
I get so anxious to go to family gatherings anymore.

Powered by CGISpy.com 
 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 9:28pm

BTDT so many times it is crazy. Still to this day and my particular set of inlaw family just doesn't get it. My son is nearly 12 and just now is it getting where he can begin to handle these kinds of events because they keep doing the same behavior you mentioned ("NO", etc).

The best thing I ever did was a letter but I only did it a couple years ago. By then their oppinions and manner of dealing with him was already set. I think a letter now would be a great idea.

One of the things I did in my letter wasn't so much to explain AS in general. I provided some links for that. But rather I described how AS affected my kids in particular. What their particular strengths and challenges were and why. I also explained how best to support us at family gatherings. This was basically to try and speak to Mike in a calm tone and if he was overstimulated or too difficult to get my DH or I and let us deal with him solely. He can't understand too many people at once and it just makes it worse. Like I told them, to him everyone saying "no" or trying to give him verbal feedback just sounds like the adults in Charlie Brown (wha wa wa wa wa). It is very common for kids with ASD to have difficulty with auditory processing and understanding verbal directions and it just sets them OFF!

Our letter worked well actually in many ways. As I said, they were kind of set in their ways but their understanding of Mike changed a good bit. Now it is just over stimulating for him and the behavior comes out but at least now the family understands better.

Renee

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

APOV on Autism
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 12-29-2007 - 11:02am

I think a letter is an excellent idea and is something I'm considering myself because we are going to be staying with family a lot over the next couple of months and I'm going to need them to understand things.

I'm a big believer in writing letters anyway because it is a non-confrontational way of getting across important information.

I haven't had many serious things to deal with around family but there have been tantrums that I have had to explain and cases where my dad has yelled at Haley for things and I've had to explain to him that yelling only compounds the problem. you have to approach her gently. Like you said, most people that aren't used to dealing with these things just don't get it at all.

I hope the letter helps your situation. I'm betting it will make a big difference.




Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Mom to Erin (19) and Haley (10yo Aspie)


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Mom to Erin (19) and Haley (10yo Asp
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 12-29-2007 - 5:31pm

We had a hard time when Tom was 2.

                                

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2006
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 2:17pm

a letter sounds like a good place to start.


as a single mom, i

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 3:42am

Hi Tonia,


I think a letter is great and you might want to attach some articles regarding AS or some links, as someone mentioned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-02-2008 - 3:45pm

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Wed, 01-02-2008 - 8:43pm

I'm pretty lucky with our extended family on both sides.