How do you discipline?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
How do you discipline?
6
Tue, 07-08-2003 - 1:44am
I fairly new to this board. I have a son Radek who is three and pdd-nos. I was wondering how you all deal with discipline. I am having a difficult time with him listening and fallowing directions with out him telling me no or throwing a fit. I realize that some of this is normal three year old behavior but how do you get him to understand. He doesn’t want to eat or he eats just enough, he would rather snack. Of course this is another battle in or house. We usually try time out, but lately his behavior is getting worse. There have been a couple of times that he has gotten a little out of control like hitting and screaming at me. But those are few and far between. So any help in this matter would be appreciated.

Kirsten

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-08-2003 - 2:15am
Eva is that age. She likes to snivel about everything and do her best to ignor us whenever possible. I've found through trial and error with my older Aspies that I have to get simplistic and firm with them to get my point across. We've started this very early with Eva and so far (knocking on wood) things are going relatively well.

I'll give you examples of how we've handled some of the things we've come across:

On July 4th we had a sudden change of plans. We were supposed to go to the county fair for a few hours before heading off to the fireworks but something came up and we had to settle for a resturaunt near the park. Eva when into a minor meltdown whe we told her we would have to hold off going to the fair until Sunday. She screamed at me at the top of her lungs with this 'invasion of the body snatchers' type squal for about 20 minutes (or maybe it just seemed that long LOL) I finally told her that if she wasn't going to behave and have respect for the people around her that I would send her sister off with friends to the fireworks and I would stay home with her. I drove the point home by having jade get into the car with our friends and they drove away. Eva immidiately stopped screaming. She was as good as gold the rest of the night.

She likes to get into things that aren't hers. The number one rule in our house is "If it's not your's, don't touch it." But she still gets into things she souldn't sometimes. A while back she got into the powdered clorine for the pool and DH caught her. He took her aside and just said "Poison, poison bad, make you dead, no more Eva." Then they played his 'yours or not yours' game where he points to something and asks "Is it yours?", to which she answers yes or no. Then she has to say if it is something she can touch or not. The key there is that the answer to the second question will always be the same as the answer to the first.....yes or no. Is it yours? yes. Are you allowed to touch it? yes. and vica versa

As far as the hitting and such is concerned that is pretty normal for ASD kids that young. Eva hasn't gotten into it yet but my older kids did, especially Jade. With her we kept a baby quilt on hand and would use it to pin her arms to her sides when she got even the slightest bit violent. Then we would talk to her in a calm voice and tell her how much we loved her but that hitting (or biting, scratching,etc) wasn't acceptable. We kept her there until she lightened up, not until she agreed not to hit. That can be hard to do in a public place but it's better than having them stat lashing out at complete strangers. Jade did that once.... ONCE, then the baby quilt started going with us everywhere.

Well, the baby's crying, I have to go. I hope that gives you some ideas. :)

Candes

Peace,
Candes  
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Tue, 07-08-2003 - 10:41am
Well disciplining William has always been an excercise in patiences & flexibility. In general using "choices" & redirection get the best results.

When William was 3 we had to use alot of visual aides or visual prompts w/ him...really helped alot especially with the following directions stuff. Like we had a picture sked. up for him (OMG! helped soo much with transitions!) Also, I used to have up a big sign under the livingroom clock...said, "I'm looking at the clock and it says it's time for...." then I'd put up a velcro'd card of food when it was time to eat. My kiddo was (er, make that IS) very oppositional/defiant and wants to get into power struggle CONSTANTLY. Back then I'd avoid the fight by referring him back to the sign-lol!..."don't argue with me argue with the clock."

Now that William's talkative we don't use visual aids as much and I'm currently dealing with that same ODD behavior by having "Argue Time"...sked. everyday at 4:15pm-lol! When he starts into a powerstruggle I say "oh, I'm sorry but it's not Argue Time but remember that and we'll be sure to argue about it then." 9x outta 10 he's completely forgotten about it at 4:15 & so we usually have silly Looney Toons arguements like "IS too!"... "IS not!" In both of these examples we're still using redirection & schedules to handle the behavioral problem.

Elizabeth mom to William 6 1/2, AS & Cate 3

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-08-2003 - 11:19am
Depends really where their language is at.

Cait was really difficult at that age, but would not understand choices or any verbal prompts. We used a picture schedule for her and visuals, that helped a ton. She wasn't aggressive, but would have horribly long tantrums were she just couldn't stop. Usually over some change or communication break down. For that we used timeout with some sort of calming activity. She was a big puzzle kid so at home we used puzzles to calm her down. (Still do). At that age I would start it hand over hand until she did it on her own. Pretty soon she would calm enough to be more redirectable. Then we would have her follow some simple 1 step direction to see that she was ready to listen and we would reinforce those 1 step directions so she got back into a positive place. She still has a stash in her room she does if tantruming. I just tell her to do it now and she knows it helps. In public we would count to 100 or I would start an alphabet game in timeout. "A is for apple". She would be non-compliant so I would make mistakes and she couldn't handle that ("b is for horse") and would join in. Before long she forgot whatever she was so upset about and then I could sort of explain, though she had little understanding and it would start the tantrum again from frustration, so I usually didn't.

Now my boys have the same behaviors, but better understanding.

For eating, I set out a certain amount and that is what is for dinner. (I do take their sensory eating needs into consideration). I may give choices but only 2 or 3 (only at bfast and lunch). I try to slowly expand their repetoire. We only eat at certain times so if they don't eat they have to wait until the next scehduled time. I don't make them eat all of it, but the rule is if they don't eat they don't get anything else until the next eating time. If they eat it all and are still hungry they certainly can have more and maybe even an extra snack. Take and inventory of what he eats and see if there is any themes. Then you can use those themes to pick similar types of food and try to slowly expand.

As for aggression. That is timeout imediately. We have chairs in certain places of the house for timeout. Sometimes they won't stay in timeout appropriately. For instance, Dave has a habit of coming out of timeout to attack me, Mike will scream, spit and be innapropriate, then they go into their room. There room has a locked door knob from teh outside and I will lock it if I need to and set a timer. Cait will go to her room when she has a blow up tantrum and can't calm down. Dave has attacked me in public before and I have had to restrain him. For him that makes it worse and the behavior just explodes and he is getting to big to hold. I have found it better to immediately take him to the car and put him in his car seat for a time out. He can't attack me from there and I just sit there with him and wait him out. It looks less horrible in public than restraining him too. We have only had to leave McD's a couple times for timeout until he learned not to hit other kids there. I usually make sure I go with a understanding friend who will watch my other kids if I take Dave outside for a timeout.

Lastly, when possible I offer just a couple of choices and that helps the oppositional stuff a lot.

Renee

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
Tue, 07-08-2003 - 1:39pm
Thanks for the ideas. Today we did ok so we will see. I'm also trying the choice thing in eating and also in his behavior. So we will see. Glad I found all of you. At least i know that I'm not the only one. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
Tue, 07-08-2003 - 1:46pm
Thanks for the ideas. I think those meltdowns do feel like they last forever. I had to do grocery shopping like that once didn't have a choice. DH was gone to the war. good thing he's home now though!!! I will have to keep you all up to date to see how are discipline is working.

kirsten

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-08-2003 - 8:58pm
It DOES help toknow your not the only one dealing with this stuff now doesn't it? Keep up the good work Mom!

Candes

Peace,
Candes