How engaging is your child?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
How engaging is your child?
24
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 1:32pm

I spoke a little about this last night in chat, but I wanted to bring it here and get some opinions.


I have several priv evals that go from ASD to Autistic Disorder regarding my 12 yr old. They also show weakness in Dysgraphia (written expression, visual processing disorder, and processing disorder)

The school wouldn't accept these evals and did there own testing and it all comes up in their favor ie he doesn't qualify for an IEP/504.

They agreed for some more testing thru a state center.

The state center so far says he has extreme anxiety (he had a major meltdown on the third day of testing) but they didn't think he was on the spectrum because he was too engaging. They also say they don't see any problems academically so far (UGH!)

I was lucky so that I was in a booth with two way mirrors and could observe him. I did see a problem when the speech therapist pulled out a picture and asked my son to tell a story and he just couldn't do it. I also saw his response to the writing portions of testing and he really really tried to avoid it.


I also saw problems with focus and impulsivity (which they agreed).

Anyway, I explained that yes he does engage, but he was only engaging with adults and not children. He at one point did move to another child in the waiting room, but it was because he had a psp and thats what drew my son. He didn't talk to the child, he just talked about the psp and how he has one and it's black but the white ones he was told were rare (the father kinda looked at me and said huh? LOL) He did not try to converse with him, it was the psp that he attached himself too.

I do know of some kids on the spectrum that do better than others in this area, but they are still on the spectrum.

This really bugs me.

In fact just this morning my son said he didn't want to go to school because he hates fridays. I asked him why and he says the lines always change on fridays.

I said at lunch? He said yes (I know that they line up in the same line alphabetically everyday which is good for him) but that on fridays they go backwards and he just can't get used to it and it makes him angry and confused.

BTW he won't show the anger at school, he will bottle it up and bring it home instead.


You know I swear to god, with this disorder you could go to 10 different docs and get 10 different answers everytime.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 8:51pm

Thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
Sat, 04-26-2008 - 2:32am
Are you talking about the book "The explosive child" by Ross Greene?


Mollie Photobucket

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 04-26-2008 - 2:54pm

Lainie, I wanted to jump in a give my 2 cents.

                                

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Sat, 04-26-2008 - 6:18pm

Thats Chris too Heather.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Sun, 04-27-2008 - 1:50am

You know after reading all of these posts on this board and wrongplanet....


I just realized....

Doctors are listening too much to other Doctors and not enough people or parents who have kids on the spectrum.

Would you all agree?

Lainie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Sun, 04-27-2008 - 7:56am

Lainie,


I'm sorry you are having trouble.

Samantha
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-27-2008 - 10:30am

I will say with doctors and appointment type people my kids are not engaging at all. Mike freaks, cait makes no eye contact. Just a few weeks ago at her IEP, Cait's teachers have commented that she has made loads of progress in talking to teachers this year and is much more outgoing with them to the point that interrupting has become a huge problem. But it is a one sided kind of thing. For the first time ever Mike was conversational with a perfessional at his regional center IFSP appointment but he was stuck on telling her about this one topic over and over even if we weren't looking at him and were talking about something else. However, he was quite charming and very funny in an ASD way.

In the comfort of our home Cait tends to be a bit more outgoing and has learned some skills to be engaging. Both occasionally will be but for them to be really outgoing conversationally it is typically a one sided monologue on what is on their minds.

I don't think my kids have ever been accused of being engaging however at least not by professionals. I picture engaging as they have good joint attention and really connect with a person in the conversation. Joint attention is one thing that is notoriously missing from children with autism. Some can learn to fake it a bit (Cait has through a lot of speech therapy sessions) but in general joint attention is an area of deficit.

Renee

Disney08

APOV on Autism
Photobucket
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Registered: 04-28-2007
Sun, 04-27-2008 - 10:05pm

I find this thread so interesting.

Liam is by far one of the the most engaging and enigmatic individuals I have ever known. he is excited to receive attention, can make some eye contact, (although a good professional notices it can be fleeting or appear he is looking through you). He is thrilled to have a conversation, once it is about his current topic of interest mind you.

I get frequent comments from other parents in playgrounds how imaginative he is. What they do not see is he is acting out Pirates of the Caribbean (or whatever Disney adventure he has absorbed) ver batum in play form and only younger kids are interacting with him (he is 8-playmates are often 3-5 years old). I worry about that as he is (a) older and (b) looks older again; very soon parents will feel awkward about their pre-schoolers hanging out with the perceived "10 year old" on the playground, kwim?!!

If an adult shows any interest at all, Liam will talk their ear off, and appear charming and fun; but of course they haven't heard the factual lecture on how the British navy in P of the C are similar to the Redcoats in the Magic Treehouse books seventeen times over that day. So yes, he immediately appears engaging.

Now Cian is a different story. He can be engaging, but often he needs to know you for a bit first or else he might blurt out some inappropriate comment (like telling the security guard at Atlanta airport that "hey, that's my baby sister and she is MY BABY SISTER" and doing it all with a scrunched up scowling demeanor. He's lucky he is actually small for his age and his speech delay (dysarthria) makes him appear younger again, so right now his behaviour is laughed off as cute. Yet again with a couple of inches on him and an acknowledgement he's not so young.....sigh

One security guard declared Cian couldn't be autistic as he was too "full of life and curious...." Thus I would argue he was engaging, but again I still thing much of that boils down to even professionals doing more catch up on how the spectrum is both widening and lengthening and how each kid with Autism is first an individual and only then a dx. This is why the neuropsych and dev ped in Baltimore sloughed Liam off with the ADHD dx, and poo pooed the bp dx. Turns out he had all three; it took another 2.5 years to get the true picture and all because they decided he was too engaging; jack@sses all!!!

Dee

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Avatar for betz67
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 1:24pm

well, my oldest is very engaging thus no AS dx and instead an ADD-NOS Dx. He's very much like everyone is describing concerning your AS kiddos. His middle school resource teacher told me the other day (at Weston's IEP meeting) that she was VERY surprised when she got to know him that he didn't have an AS Dx because he was more 'autistic' acting than several of her autistic students.

Weston is not very engaging. He does talk about his favorite subjects w/ a couple of friends at school that he also knows from our neighborhood or church. However, he does not try to initiate a conversation. He does not have eye contact w/ people he doesn't know. He occasionally will ask his siblings questions but it's usually something out of the blue-- jumps into a conversations w/ something totally unrelated or asks questions w/o giving important info first. He also walks away from conversations in the middle. They are saying that when he's in speech therapy that he does very well and never does these kinds of things but we still see lots of it away from school.

Weston also doesn't ever talk about wanting friends or being upset that he doesn't have friends. He doesn't seem to notice that kids don't talk to him. He does get upset when kids tease-- but they usually have to get loud or physical or threatening for him to even get upset. I don't buy that he's stopped caring, I really think he's not that in touch w/ his emotions yet, I think he's not made it to that developmental stage yet.

Betsy

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Registered: 11-28-2006
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 3:19pm

I'm really glad I started this thread.