How to find a friend for my Aspie?
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| Wed, 06-14-2006 - 5:44am |
It interests me that several kids on this board have made friends with other spectrum kids. I don't know how to help my 8 year old AS ds develop friendships. He certainly needs some outside help. Today was his last day of school after starting a new school at spring break. In his regular ed classroom he didn't interact with any of the kids. The sped teacher said that he had developed a relationship of sorts with another sped boy but ds couldn't name or identify this boy to me. I put him in cub scouts this year to help him socialize, and although he enjoyed scouts he couldn't identify any of the kids in his den at the end of the year. Sometimes I set up playdates with my friend's son, and although ds says this boy is his best friend it isn't really reciprocal. Ds does get along pretty well with his 5 year old brother-- so far his brother is his only real friend.
How should I encourage friendships? Are other Aspies good candidates? Is there anything I can put in his IEP to help him with this at school? Should I just not worry about it?

Yes, I think they definately need to address that in his IEP. My ds went to a friendship group this past yr once a week. It was led by the conselor. A speech therapist is actually probably a better choice as they can instruct in social communication. We did finally get ds ST at the very end of the yr set up for next yr. The friendship group was great for him. They let him choose several kids from his class to take with him. He had to pick new kids each time. The other kids loved going because they got out of class and got to play games. This made Kyle pretty popular. At the end of the yr they involved the whole class in making a movie about being a 5th grader. They also had Kyle lead tours of the middle school for his classmates once a week on a different day from friendship group. All of the above really helped ds make connections. Ds also has an aide that goes to recess with him and facilatated playing with the other kids. Lastly we did a biomedical treatment for virus issues that we feel really improved his social awareness.
I know school out now but next yr ask the teacher what child in the class would make a good friend for you ds. Then ask the teacher for the parents names and phone # and set up playdates. And just keep trying.
Samantha
There are a couple things I would suggest.
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I think this si one of those things which will happen on it's own. Like love and many other things which happen in life; friends can
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We struggle with this too. Ryan is 7 and AS, and we've tried lots of different activities with nt kids (soccer, karate, t-ball, etc) hoping ds would "bond" with some other kid, but it never happened. I'm not sure what the age is for typical kids to develop a one on one friendship, but I'm thinking that for most kids on the spectrum it will be a few years after that. So I think when ds is in a group with nt kids his age.. he's just not up to the type of interaction they are. kwim?
As for the IEP, we have a goal written something like "given opportunities, Ryan will initate and reciprocate peer interaction at recess without prompts" something like that. Also, like others said, if there is a social skills group at school, you could look into getting him into it.
I haven't really posted about this, but my ds now has a friend. This boy is HFA, and our families paths have crossed many times.. meetings at playgrounds, found we had the same dev ped, stuff like that. But it was the autistic support teacher who noticed the two getting along, and mentioned it to me. Ironically, we found out their house is on the other side of a tree farm from ours, so we can walk back and forth! I'm really shy, so my social butterfly dh was in charge of setting up the first playdate. We've had more since then, and so far so good. Is it possible to contact the sped teacher and find the name of the little boy? The other family may be in the same boat.. looking for a pal for their kid!
A note on the playdates..we usually have to set up an activity for the kids that encourages interaction, without that they both seem a little lost. The friend has a pool, so it could be diving for toys on the bottom.. we have a tramp.. so they play soccer on the tramp.. or a variation of H-O-R-S-E (the basketball game). Playing a game.. Collecting rocks..building legos.. it needs to be a little more planned than for an nt kid.
I know this is long.. but one more thing.. having a 5 year old brother is a real asset. This friend of my ds.. he has an older brother.. and he sometimes comes for the playdates. He really helps ds and his bro.. The difference between 5 and 8 may seem like a lot.. but as they grow older, the age difference won't seem so big.
Hope this helps!
Kate
In a word ... playdates. Playdates has worked for us. I am just starting to set up playdates for my son with members of his new class at new school, because familiarity outside of classroom transfers to the classroom. And school is really just too stressful a place to make friends, unless you happen to be in wonderful ASD school where the classes were very small and friendship and social interaction constantly facilitated. Now that my son is back in more challenging school environment, he again needs help with making friends when the school day is just much harder for him to make it through.
I don't just leave well enough alone here. This is partly because ds is an only child, so no social interaction with other kids unless we import them. Mom and Dad are not the right kind of challenges. So we have set up playdates every weekend and even afterschool some days since ds was 3 yo and he will be 9 yo in 2 weeks (gasp). And the constant playdates have turned into some friendships and great practise even for those more casual situations like Paula's son and the boy in the mall.
And yes, activities. Swimming, museums, movies, 2 or 3 player video games, taking classes together such as Tae Kwondo or chess or rock wall climbing, playgrounds, going to sports games, bike riding. It does help to orchestrate activities.
I think kids on the spectrum can make terrific friends, but just like with NT kids, depends on the kid. Ds has more friends on the spectrum than off. Now I do notice that many of ds' NT friends are starting to outpace him socially, but they still enjoy my son's company as well.
Sara
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