How have you taught your kids to ....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
How have you taught your kids to ....
5
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 12:43am

Stand up/Advocate for themselves? What kind of things have you said to them?

Just a brief update for any new lurkers.... Chris was dx-d last June by his pdoc. I have not told him anything yet because he is also being tested by the Regional Center who will be the ultimate ones to help with services if they take him on as a client.

I plan to tho, once I get the answer..... I have read many wonderful threads on how to do this with him and books to get.

But school is going to start in a few weeks, and I'm nervous about bullies. He was bullied last year, and I want him to be able to stand up for himself with words. I want to do some role playing with him (I also want him to report it, if it happens) but I also want to teach him words to use, so he doesn't feel helpless.

So has there been anything you guys have told your kids to help?

Thanks,
Lainie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 7:52am

Lainie,


I haven't figured this one out. Peter does get teased sometimes, and he tends to just shut down and withdraw. I wish he woudl even tell me about it, but i dont' usually find out until long after the event.


-paula

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Avatar for toryanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 10:29am

Lainie,
Honestly, I worry about this any day Vic leaves the house. He has been teased since end of 1st grade for being "weird". What I think is totally awesome is I was talking to him about his IEP and what kind of things we could do for him here and he told me "Mom, I want to ride the special needs bus". When I asked him why, he told me 1. because it's more quiet and 2. because it picks me up in front of the house. I reminded him about kids teasing him for riding the "short bus" and he told me "Yeah, but when they try, I'll remind them that I get picked up in front of my house, not two blocks away."
Victor's always talked to me about teasing, but he couldn't find anyone to confide in at school until 4th grade. I think first thing is to give your son 1 adult he can confide in at school when he's overwhelmed. Whether it's from being teased, or he's just overwhelmed, he needs to know he's got a safe place to go. In 5th grade last year, it was Vic's 4th grade teacher.
Victor knows what he's modifications are at school because his 5th grade teacher wasn't doing what she was supposed to be doing. I informed Vic that if the assignment was too much to write, then he needed to stand up for himself and tell his teacher that he needed the computer. The bad teacher claimed that he used the computer as an excuse for not doing assignments, the good teacher last year realized that he was doing wonderful with writing but some days he just got frustrated and needed to type instead.
For 6th grade, Vic's getting a computer hooked up in his room with a printer so he can do his homework assignments and print them out. This will help also.
As far as bullies, Victor learned his own way of dealing with them. In 4th and 5th grade, he told the bullies that he wouldn't help them in class with assignments because they always tease him and they stopped teasing him to get his help. However, since he's SO nervous about this new school this year and possible new bullies, we are going to start special needs martial arts classes this year to help him defend himself and to build his confidence level as well.

Alexis

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2007
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 10:40am

Im new to this board, and I am in my glory that I have some wonderful people that understand me.....

My son 15, had the same issues being picked on... He was always so nice... 2 years ago, he was in school and I got a phone call, some boy walked up to him, punched him in the face. Busted him lip open, and knocked him out. He was taken to the er, by ambulance from school... That day was the last day he went to school... The nurse asked him if any of his friends were around, and he responds to her, I dont have any friends.... This whole time, I thought he had ALOT....

I now homeschool him... Some people think I am sheltering him, but by far I am not... I can decide who I want to socialize with... He is not made to socalize with anyone, after all when we get to be adults, we do not have to talk to anyone we do not like.

My son has been so much better, and he is so comfortable.. And I might add, he is doind EXTREMELY well in homeschool.... What better teacher and roll model than their parents...

I hope I didnt worry you, that is just my story... I am just starting to figure out my son has aspergers.... For years I have been in the dark..

Cyndi
mommy7x

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 11:29am

Lainie,


We're still struggling with this one ourselves. I don't think there's any quick fix-it for self-advocation or bullying. We take it one day at a time, one issue at a time. We read How To Win Friends and Influence People to our kids, and that helped. But all kids, not just kids on the spectrum are going to have a hard time with this topic. It's part of childhood unfortunately. That doesn't mean just let the bullies have at him, of course. But even the average NT kid is going to going to have situations where they look back and say "How the heck could I have handled that better?" or "Man! That's what I should'a said!" or even find themselves down in the dirt in a full-out fist-da-cuffs. It's a learning process, and for most people it's a life long one.


I would say make yourself available to your kids so that they can come to you when stuff like that happens. Most kids can learn by their own mistakes or experiences and see where they went wrong. But with kids on the spectrum it isn't that easy. They need someone to walk them through analyzing the problem.


APOV on Autism

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2007
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 12:09pm
Two of my boys have quite a problem with this. Z-10 years old ADD, GAD, (however my mom's good friend who has been a PT for years thinks that he is an Aspie, she has him staying at her house right now for a week and a half) thinks that he can just put the bully down, call him names etc..., which makes sense and all, but he always gets in more trouble than the bully. W-PDD NOS, really doesn't know how to handle it, he has gotten bus tickets, I know the bus is very stessful for him, and kids bug him, but he says, "I'm gonna stab you". Now that is not appropriate!!! Ugh. Quite honestly, I like that response instead of the usually teary meltdown, at least he is standing up for himself! But I understand we have to find a happy middle ground. I ask the boys everyday if anybody was mean to them. I ask how. I ask, how did you handle it? We than sit down and discuss if this was appropriate or not and if not, how maybe they could handle it in the future. It is getting better, but Z asked a kid who was blocking his way in the hallway if he wanted a bloody nose. Effective yes, approriate no, and we discussed how he could of handled it different. Also the school now makes him fill out a form at school during recess detention, something that happens too frequently. It asks almost the same question, ie: what did you do wrong? Why was that wrong? How could you have handled it differently? He has to show it to his teacher, bring it home, have me sign it, and take it back to school. I love this. I know this is getting too long, and doesn't quite pertain to you, but you could do it in reverse, when he doesn't stand up for himself, roll play what he could do next time etc...
Carey