How to introduce chores to our kids?

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Registered: 06-25-2003
How to introduce chores to our kids?
11
Mon, 11-05-2007 - 9:58am

This came up in chat on Saturday, and I think it is a good question to open out to the floor, because I have not done this sucessfully myself -probably because

-Paula

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Avatar for toryanna
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 11-05-2007 - 10:38am

Well, this worked for Victor. One day I asked him to take the trash out for me. It was usually Dad's job but Dad was deployed. Of course Vic thought it was so neat to be able to do a "big boy" chore. I asked him again a week later and kept asking him every so often to do it for me til eventually, now it's a simple "the trash is full, could you take it out please" and "It's Sunday night, Trash needs to go to the street" and Victor hops to and gets it done.

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Registered: 08-27-2007
Mon, 11-05-2007 - 12:05pm

Here is what I am currently doing with Chad who is 5. I have a chore chart that uses pictures. One side is "Need to do," and the other "finished." So we go through it and he moves the picture over when he finished it. He loves checklists !!! Then if he does it everyday he gets to pick a small prize from our treasure chest.


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Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 11-05-2007 - 12:30pm

I have had absolutely no luck at all with chores and Haley is 10 years old. :( I think it is a combination of her just being defiant and unable to focus on them and then me either not being firm enough or not approaching it the right way. Or maybe a little of everything, I don't know.

I have tried charts, rewards, allowances... I normally have her focus on keeping her room cleaned up but even that doesn't get done. The only thing she will do without a fight is put trash bags in the empty cans. *sigh*

I really need to figure something out.




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Mom to Erin (19) and Haley (10yo Aspie)


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Mom to Erin (19) and Haley (10yo Asp
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Registered: 12-22-2003
Mon, 11-05-2007 - 12:44pm

Although we're not doing anything currently, we had great luck with chore charts in the past.

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Avatar for nutmegspice
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 11-05-2007 - 12:50pm

Sam (8) has always had some kind of chart with some kind of chore/self/care task on it. In the beginning it was something very small, like putting his shoes on by himself, brushing his teeth...etc. Those aren't really chores, but they introduced the idea that he had something to do relatively independently and it helped to get him ready in the morning and at night.

We started off with a reward system for these. We don't use one anymore since he is able to get them done with little trouble most of the time. I also found that the rewards loose their affect over time for Sam. The best way to encourage him to do his chores or self care stuff is first an unpreferred activity then a preferred activity. No tv time until the clothes get put away....etc. He still gets just as much done. We will have him do an extra chore if he wants to earn money to buy something or for a punishment (like when he broke the HDTV ;)

The only chore we have him do during the week is bring the empty trash cans from the front of the house to the back and pick up a section of his room every night. I broke his rooms into areas and made a schedule. Each day has a different section to clean; desktop, bench, lego area, dressers, under bed, closet, bookshelf. Keeping on top of this is our challenge as DH isn't as consistent as I am (I work nights/weekends.) But it really helps keep the clutter down when we are on top of it. And Sam isn't as overwhelmed by cleaning his entire room at once. Any other chores other than expected self-care stuff and homework is way too much for him - and us too!

On the weekends we expect him to put away his folded laundry which is a *huge* chore for him. We nearly always have to start the sorting process for him; a full basket of folded but unsorted laundry is very daunting for him! Once he gets that hurdle help he can finish all by himself though. We also like to have him vacuum his room, which involves cleaning up any stray marbles, legos, bionicle, magnetix......so sometimes this doesn't get done! LOL

I've been wanting to set up another chart for just the chores. He really likes to earn money to save for toys. Now that he's been able to do some of these things without the reward, we'd like to up the expectations a little. I'm not sure exactly what that would be yet. Something like setting or clearing the table or emptying the dishwasher....but that's a big MAYBE if it's during the week.

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 11-05-2007 - 2:02pm

I've found that the only approach that consistently works (with both Euan, 9 Aspie and Rohan 4 NT) is the no.. until chore is done approach. It is amazing how quickly dinner gets eaten, table gets cleared, toys get put away when there is the promise of TV time, or halloween candy, or a trip to the park. Reward charts, earning pocket money, etc never worked consistently, they would just decide they didn't want the reward badly enough. (It's funny, because the 'because I said so' thing always worked for *my* parents but for some reason never works for me!!! :-)

Sometimes (but by no means always!!) a structured explanation works with Euan. I counter 'why should I...?' with 'because otherwise I have to do it on my own and I am tired from being at work all day' or 'because otherwise the toys will trip Maeve up (23m, NT) and she might get hurt' (I have discovered 'because otherwise they'll get broken and you won't be able to play with them anymore' doesn't work because either he decides that he doesn't care about that, or he decides that they aren't his toys anyway!)

So, sorry, Supernanny, but you are wrong about rewards charts, at least in our house, they never work for very long!

Kirsty

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Registered: 04-07-2003
Mon, 11-05-2007 - 2:27pm

I'm having the same problem. We've been working with the therapist on finding something that works with my kids (13yo AS dd, 11yo NT ds, 9yo AS ds, 4yo NT dd). There is very, very little that motivates them positively or negatively. Plus, like you said, trying to help them stay focused is a daunting task in and of itself. We recently started ADD meds and are hoping that we one day find the right medication balance to help the kids focus better on their assigned tasks.

What's worked the best for us so far is a treasure box with prizes the kids have helped select. When their chores are done for the day, they get a prize. I've noticed that when the "good" prizes (Pokemon or Yugioh cards) are gone, the boys are less motivated to do their chores. The therapist had us start the first week with one accomplished task getting a reward. The 2nd week the kids had to perform two tasks to earn a reward. We got up to three tasks having to be completed to earn a reward (that included brushing their teeth, which is a difficult task at our house). We're having less success at the 3-task level, so we'll probably drop back to two chores earning a reward for awhile until it becomes a better habit.

My kids absolutely do not mind wallowing in filth, so they don't appreciate the value in accomplishing chores. They don't see the filth, so it doesn't bother them. Additionally, they hate exerting energy over something that is not meaningful to them, so chores is just torture for them. The only reason we have chores, according to my kids, is to make their lives miserable. Never mind the fact that they are asked to do so very little!

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Registered: 11-28-2006
Mon, 11-05-2007 - 2:43pm

I also have this problem too.

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Registered: 11-02-2007
Mon, 11-05-2007 - 8:24pm
We use a color coded chore chart and we pay him allowance of $10 per week.
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-05-2007 - 8:35pm

What an interesting topic!

I printed out chore charts for each of my kids yesterday. I'm working on getting Henry to be more independent so most of the chores on his chart are things like "Wake up by myself", "Get dressed", "Put books on bookshelf", "Do homework". I think there are 9 items plus I added "Try new foods" during dinner tonight. Henry is 7 and has never had to do a thing ever before in his lifetime.

I put things on Mark's chart that he already likes to do--like "Feed Dog", "Brush teeth", "Change garbage bag". I think his chart has 6 items. He is two years old.

Both my kids have done all of their chores today--the VERY FIRST day of trying. I've put star stickers on their charts for each chore they completed successfully.

There were a few new things on Henry's list that he has never done including "Help set table" and "Clear my dishes". He did them so I would put stars on his chart.

Of course, the novelty may wear off by tomorrow. I am not planning on rewarding the kids with anything although there will be consequences if they don't do their chores. I haven't thought of what they'll be yet. The problem with a reward system is that Henry could easily decide he doesn't want whatever the reward is whenever he gets tired of doing chores.

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