How many of you work outside the home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2004
How many of you work outside the home?
17
Thu, 07-27-2006 - 3:20pm
I am asking this because I do along with my dh. I want to try and start working on some things to help my ds at home, while we wait to begin therapy and for school to do an IEP. However, it just seems like by the time I get home, we have dinner, baths and all that- there just isn't much time left. How do you do it?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2004
Sat, 07-29-2006 - 7:47am

I know exactly what you mean with your son needing to showing you stuff. My son is so demanding in that way. He absolutely can't wait a minute. He HAS to show me RIGHT NOW! I have to literally stop whatever I am doing to go look.

I don't make a ton of money, but a decent amount. DH and I make about the same and where we live with the high cost of property insurance and taxes, we have to both work. Both kis are in school, so there are no daycare expenses luckily.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2005
Sat, 07-29-2006 - 4:12pm

I work full time for a software company. I started when ds what about 2 1/2. Both dh and I work full time. My job is sometimes stressful, but I have alot of flexibility, and it is close to home/ds's school. I can work from home a few days a week if I need to, which is great for snow days in winter.. or the occasional June flood! I also can "flex" my hours. During the school year.. dh goes to work early.. I put ds on the school bus in the am, dh gets him off the bus in the pm (full day kindy last year).. so we can avoid after school care. In the summer, ds goes to a day camp, at the same place where he went to preschool/daycare. It is not a program specifically for special needs kids.. but they work well with him and he knows the staff and is comfortable there. Finding childcare/day camps/etc for AS or HFA kids is virtually impossible where I live, the programs just don't exist. There is ESY, but that is not full time.

I often feel VERY guilty for working, but realistically, it would be difficult for us to manage on dh's income alone. I don't mean to come across as materialistic. Growing up, even though both my parent's worked, we barely got buy, living paycheck to paycheck. It was very stressful on the whole family, and I don't think I could live under that stress all the time. JMHO.

In some bizarre way, I often think that if ds didn't go to preschool/day care when he did, we probably wouldn't have realized his social skill/developement issues until much later, and we wouldn't have gotten him the ST, OT, PT and other therapy when we did. As it is , we really didn't start until he was four.. and I still wish we could have started earlier.

It is difficult to get everything done that needs to be done in a day, and I have only one kid. But Dh is very helpful, otherwise I would be going out of my mind on a daily basis.

Kate

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2004
Sun, 07-30-2006 - 9:45am

I agree with you on daycare pointing you in the direction or a problem. I feel this way too. My son's kindergarten teacher was very good about keeping us informed with problems she saw in the class. She couldn't suggest what she thought was wrong with him, but she did continually point out things of concern to us.

I too am not completely materialistic but there are certain things that I think I must provide for my children that others may not. We have just finished paying for both kids college education. Our child psyc. told us that our son should not go to our public middle school when it comes that time, she said it would absolutely be a mistake. So, we may need to pay for private school for him down the line. Both of us working will allow for this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2004
Sun, 07-30-2006 - 9:48am
Luckily, my husband works for the Sheriff's office and gets off at 3pm, so afterschool care isn't a issue for us either. I do the mornings and dh does the afternoons. My job is very flexible as far as Dr's appts, school appts and if I need to bring one of the kids to work. However, I feel like I don't ahve much time in the evening to institute a home plan.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2004
Sun, 07-30-2006 - 9:51am

I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you being the primary responsible party. I am sure you will make the decision that best fits your family.

I have a husband and while he is helpful at taking our son where he needs to go and so forth, I still feel like everything rests on my shoulders. I am the one calling and talking to the Dr's, coordinating the appts, reading all the books and so forth. I feel like all the decisions rest on me most often.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sun, 07-30-2006 - 12:30pm

Thanks! It is a tough responsibility to be doing all the research and making so many decisions, isn't it? At least I finally got my ex to read a write-up I did of what I am dealing with on a day-to-day basis. He said he was willing to go to the appointment with the neurological psych. I am glad he is willing to do that! But I know that my son doesn't misbehave to the same degree when he is with his Dad.

Somedays I am so overwhelmed after dealing with my son in the morning that when I get to work, it is all I can do to not run right back out of the building. The job is fairly stressful and I am being micro-managed to the nth degree. I think that it is possible that the job is stressing me out enough that it is affecting my son. I am pretty sure I'll give my notice this week. The conditions that my bosses laid out for me last week seem so constrictive! I don't see how I can do what they are asking of me and also be a good mom to my son. Sorry guys! My son wins this one! I am curious to see if bringing down my own level of stress will reduce my son's anxiety and the frequency of his meltdowns.

I am lucky that I can tap into some retirement savings. I am going to concentrate on just a few things - my son and finishing my degree.

Hugs to all of you out there - married or single - working or 'working at home' - it is a hard road!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2004
Sun, 07-30-2006 - 1:14pm
Mornings are my worst too! I just can't get my son motivated to do what he needs to do (like get dressed). I am contantly telling him over and over to do it. Frida was just horrible, he wouldn't do anything I ask him to do, I had to drop the dog off at the vet too and I needed to get moving to make it on time for everything. My husband calls me on the cell after the last drop-off and I tell him how bad the morning was. He says "He doesn't give me a hard time getting ready". UGH! I almost came thru the phone and hit him in the head. Keep in mind when our son gets ready for him it isn't at 6:30am and it is usually to go somewhere he wants to go, like jeeping.

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