How to tell older sibling???
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| Fri, 07-27-2007 - 9:40am |
Hi everyone! I'm mostly a lurker here, I have posted a few times in the past. I have 3 boys ages 12,9 and 4. My 9 year old was diagnosed at age 7 with ADD and Aspergers Syndrome. I'm not sure why, but we have never really sat down and talked to him about his diagnosis. I guess we feel he really wouldn't totally understand. But he is 9 years old so he really needs to know. How do we even begin this conversation and how to we explain this to him?
My other big concern is his 12 year old brother who is constantly annoyed by his 9 yr old brothers behavior and just doesn't seem to be very understanding because we have never explained his diagnosis to him either. Help! How do we sit him down and expain this diagnosis to him?!?!?!?!? How do we make him more understanding and patient???
Thanks for your ideas and thoughts!

Hi there and welcome.
There are some books out there that can really help with starting your discussions with both kids, but I am thinking more of the older sibling. I would hold the discussions separately. As we haven't started using books, others here can recommend them specifically...
My son just turned 10 and we are only now really starting to discuss anything about dx, because we have all along only been discussing his particular challenges. The big picture isn't quite yet as important as the immediate one, yes? People at this site differ on when and how to talk with your dx'ed kid, but I think this is so individual to the kid. Our child has always been in alternative educational settings, so he had no reason to feel particularly unusual. He noticed first his trouble with his anger and also that he sometimes has trouble following conversations. Fairly recently we put a name to his challenges, but we still focus on these particular struggles and how to address them in his daily life. And now he knows he has "some" autism, but he doesn't see this as such a big deal lol!
As to the impatience of your 12 year old, well, he is also 12 and this part is normal! But it wouldn't hurt to see if there is a sibling support group in your area. Siblings often need assistance in understanding not only their special needs siblings, but their own feelings under these circumstances. This is very hard for them as well. And I do believe it will help to understand more about his brother, so yes, I would start those discussions soon. I am sure he will be relieved to know more about the challenges his brother faces.
GL, stick around, let us know how things are going.
Sara
My son is 8 and HFA. I also have another son who is 10 1/2. When Nathan was dx'd, I told him brother right away. He was just as concerned and wanted to know what was going on. I also got him a book, which I ordered online. It was geared towards siblings who have a brother or sister with autism. He was able to read it, and I also went over some things in the book with him as well.
Tyler is very understanding of his brother, and helps him out alot. Its a great help for me too. Don't get me wrong...they do argue and fight like all siblings do!! lol Tyler really knows him waaay too well.....cause he knows just what to do to push Nathan's buttons...lol
We also discussed it with Tyler's friend, since he is around alot. And you'd be amazed at how understanding kids can be when they are given the facts and the knowledge about something.
Nathan will be 9 in January. I'm still not sure when to tell him..but I know it will be soon. My only dilemma is that I am almost divorced and DH will probably want to be there when I discuss it with Nathan. I really prefer to do it without him though. We will see when the time comes!
michelle