how would you handle this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
how would you handle this?
2
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 11:25am

Sylvia (4.5 yo) has always had quite a bit of social anxiety, but she's gotten a lot better with planned get-togethers -- so, if she knows a friend is coming over (hers or ours) she's usually fine, and she does well in places like museums where she knows there will be lots of people around. But her real problem these days is with unexpected social situations -- say, when someone knocks on the door and I have to talk to them, or someone calls on the telephone, or (worst of all) we're playing outside and a neighbor comes over to chat. In those cases, she gets very anxious and panicky; her response ranges from saying, "Say goodbye!" over and over in a loud, anxious voice, to having a complete meltdown until the other person leaves or I hang up the phone. I'm just curious how to handle this...

She's going through a LOT lately... She's home on vacation from school until July 3, and the change in routine is always difficult for her. We're also potty training, and while she's doing really well, I'm sure it's a lot for her to handle. A lot of her sensory issues have kicked into high gear, and she's having a difficult time with the transition from long sleeves/pants to short sleeves/shorts. So a lot is going on, and I understand that her anxiety stems from that. Our next door neighbors understand the situation and are usually fine if I say to them, "I'm sorry, we're going to have to talk later." But sometimes there's something important to discuss, or someone comes by who doesn't understand and who, when I say, "I don't think I can talk right now," will launch into a long story about how she TOTALLY understands, and of course her kids did the EXACT same thing at this age, blah blah blah, and now Sylvie is in completely meltdown and the person is still jabbering on. And, sometimes someone like a repairman comes by, who I *have* to interact with, or I get an important phone call that I have to answer, even if only briefly.

So I guess I'm wondering: for the time being, do I try to just keep these unplanned social interactions to a minimum around Sylvia? Or is there something I can do to help her figure out how to cope better? Maybe a social story? Anyone have similar experiences? What did you do?

Thanks,

Jennifer :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 11:44am

Anxiety is a tough one because cognitively they may know something (like it is ok for mommy to talk to .....) but it is really REALLY hard to control anxiety.

A couple things is I would try to find the route cause of the anxiety for those situations. Is it because there is a quick change in activities. ie you were doing something with her that ended, you walked out of the room and it is separation from you? Is it she doesn't know when you will be back? Then you can do a social story or arrange the situations around that.

Another is a timetimer. When you have one of these things happen and she starts to get anxious you can tell her that you will be done in x amount of minutes or you can help her in x amount of minutes and set the timer. It is a visual one she can see the time go away and it helps. Then when the timer goes off depending on the situation you can get off the phone or you can give her a minute of your time to help her with what she needs or to set her up with another activity and give her that bit of attention then go back to the conversation. We do this for Mike because he interupts alot when these come up and he also gets VERY anxious often, particularly over me talking to neighbors if he doesn't know them which actually happens alot as he won't pay attention adn so only really recognizes a couple of them.

Another is vitamin support for anxiety. I don't know if it works for sure yet but we are trying 5HTP which is supposed to help anxiety and GABA which should help too. There are lots of herbs out there for anxiety but I would caution that unless you have some sort of doctor or knowledgable person helping out. The herbs often have a drug like effect.

However, Chamomile is VERY gentle and safe and you can give her a little of that. The herb itself may cause some runny poops as it relaxes the intestines, but the homeopathic tabs will not and are great. You get these little tabs that they just let desolve in thier mouths and they are actually kind of yummy and is very calming. Often they will have "teething tabs" made mainly of chamomile in health food stores. If you can get her to drink tea, chamomile tea is great too. Or you can sprinkle just a bit of the herb in her food and she won't notice and it won't be as potent as the full capsule so shouldn't affect her poops.

HTH

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 11:54am

Thanks so much Renee -- you are, as always, a wealth of information! I think I'll get one of those time timers; she'll probably respond well to that. And a social story as well. I'll also try the chamomile. She's actually had chamomile tea in the past, so I'll try it again, but if not, those quick-desolve tabs sound great.

Thanks so much!

Jennifer :)