Huge Guilt trip

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Huge Guilt trip
5
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 3:46pm

Open night in school last night. I got to meet Siobhan's teacher and aide, both of who seem very sweet, got some 'alone time' with Mr H. so we had a full and frank discussion about the boy.

Peter had goalie training at the same time, so DH took the kids and couldn't attend.

Well both teachers raved about how the kids have changed snce May/June, and atributed this growth to the fact that I have been home. Acually, both kids sayed in (regular) daycare/camp over the summer, and I have officially been a SAHM for only two weeks.

I work for me. Sorry if that offends anyone, but I am not cut out to be a SAHM and a lot of my self worth is tied up with having a sucessful role in business. It also brings in good bacon.

Now I'm torn...

-Paula

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 4:00pm

I'm not sure why you are torn.

Pat

Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response. --

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 4:56pm

Paula, paula, paula.

You were a stay home mom for what 2 years before your last stint at work? Is how they did when you were home then compared to when you worked consistent with this guilt. Seems to me this last year while you were working the kids made tremendous progress too. If I remember the boy had a much better year this past year than the previous when you didn't work due in part to his school placement. There is alot that goes into the kids improvement and we each need to choose how to do that based on our own families. YOu go back and think yourself about the kids over thier whole lifetime and when they did better and make progress. I think you will realize that your being home for 2 weeks wasn't the sole catalyst for improvement.

For you working is important. If you kids have a happier, healthier mom because she is working it is better than a sad or angry mom who isn't.

For me and my family staying home is important to me. But that is me with my family. Everyone makes thier own choices. Sounds like this guy hit a sore spot for you. My MIL once told me that Cait's problems were caused because I went back to work when she was a baby. Didnt matter that it was part time and Cait only spent 2 hours 2 times a week in daycare. But that cut me deeply because she hit a sore spot.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 1:06pm

Paula, (((hugs))) - no need to feel guilty!

Avatar for betz67
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 2:30pm

Paula,

I have to say that I really think kids do best w/ parents that are happy and content in their roles. If you are happy and content in being at work and having that role, then you are going to be a better parent to your children. If you are like me and over stress when working and not able to make your head stop spinning when you have to coordinate both work and home roles then you should probably be a stay at home mom.

Is there any way for you to have the best of both worlds right now? I have several friends that work part time or work flexible/at-home jobs (one is a "computer geek" and her kids are both in school, she goes to the office 2 mornings and works at home the rest of the time, the kids go to after school care 2x a week and come home on the bus the other 3 days, she has to travel occasionally, her kids are NT but do very well w/ the situation).

I really dislike it when teachers think they know what's best for your family life! We were told by one teacher (before Dx) that Weston would do much better if I sat w/ him and read every night(we do that but he was having touching issues at the time and wouldn't sit near anyone) and Martha's teacher told her that if her mom read w/ her every night then she'd learn to read more quickly-- we do that but Martha is still not reading (1st grade just turned 6) but she's a right-brained learner and it may take her longer to "get it"! I just want to say "you don't live in my house and deal w/ my life, how do you know how I should live my life? I'm doing the best I can and I'm still questioning all I do!"

Betsy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 2:32pm

Renee,

How right you are!

I think key to this process is the after-school situation. -Myr Hansom did mention that Peter was DELIGHTED to be taking the bus straight home. last year, Peter was in a regular-ed program, which was tough on him sometimes, but stretched him at the same time. I think this time around (which may be imminent -cracking interview today and they want to talk to me again next week), I seek a nanny who drives, who can pick them up and ferry them to soccer, classes and playdates etc.

I was anti-nanny for a long time, but my kids are a lot older now, and it may be the best solution. (just until Jim becomes a SAHD ;))

-Paula

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com