I don't get it
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| Wed, 01-17-2007 - 12:36am |
I am wondering if I am the only one on this one or if I might not be.
The kids are suddenly into homemovies and made videos in teh last 2 days (tried to load one on You tube to share but not cooperating).
Well as part of it they also got into watching the old videos of themselves. I was watching ones from when Mike was 2-3 years old and honest, I saw nearly nothing autistic on them. Now if you watch any videos from the last year or 2 you can definitely pick him out as different and his autism is usually more visable. I mean in one when he was 3 he answered a "who" question. It was halloween and I said "who are you dressed as" and he said "Batman". Now we may have practiced it but still, common.
Now there were a couple small things (one small episode of flapping, one where he wouldnt get messy, all around the same time) and a couple cut outs where I stopped videoing and you can guess that some issue came up. I know that there were issues from when he was newborn that you don't see on tape. Oh and You almost always hear his name called 2-3 times before he responds.
HOWEVER, there were tons of things he can't/won't do now. And tons of things he does now that he didn't do then. For instance, his voice and speech seem normal to me in the video. Now it is always like a stutter pace with odd inflections, monotone or robot voice. He ran pretty normal for a kid in the video and in one from a year ago and still now he often runs kind of sideways with one arm to his side and the other one swinging. That is starting to fade fortunately but it has been a while.
ANd here is the kicker that killed me. We were at a big halloween thing with a bazillion jumpers and My son was climbing and going on all of them with apparently no problem what so ever and I looked the picture of the calm mom with listening children. We could NEVER do that now. Ok, we may be just getting to the point where if he one of us 1:1 we could do it.
So is he getting worse? Is it just bad parenting at this point? WHAT THE .......!!!!!!
Ok, done now.
I gotta figure out how to get this tape onto digital and mix it with some video from now and take to the neuro and have her tell me WTF is up.
Renee


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I'm sorry I'm no help here.
You know.... I have been questioning that myself. I have gone over and over the things when he was little in my mind. Since this whole Autism thing became apparent very recently, I have been digging in my brain for how could I have missed this?
I remember him not eating anything, at all when I started him on solids at 4 mos. Then when he did eat it was the same thing over and over. I remember his first two obsessions, 1 with balls, and 2nd with gameboard games, but playing with the pieces for hours, but I knew he was too little to actually get the game. He was only two. It kinda made me paranoid too because of the little pieces because I was afraid he would put them in his mouth and choke. I remember looking at these things and determining wether they were smaller than the size of a quarter, and secretly removing the things that were lol.
I remember having a very sweet, laid back, calm child. Never trantrumed until he hit 3 until I told him about me having a baby in my tummy. (he totally changed after that).
I remember taking him to a gymbarry (I know I spelled that one wrong lol) play time at about the age of 22 months. He didn't want to do structured play with the other kids. Wouldn't join them in the group activity, just did his own thing. I remember a couple of other parents were mad at their kids not joining in and it bothered me. I payed for my son to have some fun, no matter wether it was playing with the other kids or on his own. I wasn't going to set him up for getting in trouble because he wasn't doing what everyone else was supposed to do, and it was supposed to be a fun experience....
So I didn't worry how he blended in you know? Later the teacher said that maybe he just wasn't ready.
We belonged to a wonderful playgroup, and he seemed to play with all of the other kids very well. The only thing I noticed, if he was mad at another kid, for doing something that wasn't right, he would hold in his anger, and need a very long time to work thru it. I did think that was strange. He wouldn't trantrum, just get mad and not speak. I would give him time to work thru it. But other than that, I didn't see anything.
I remember him speaking one word on his first birthday, but nothing after that until he hit two, but thinking you know, he's probably working on another skill right now, so his speech will catch up, which it did. I spent a year with only animal sound effects from him, because we used to play this game that we both loved... what does a pig sound like? And I would do it and then he would do it lol. My favorite was the elephant, because I would do a GREAT elephant sound with my lips and take my arm to my nose and make the movement of an elephant nose. It was hilarious and we used to laugh and laugh lol.
I remember his first haircut, he was 2 and he totally freaked out. I thought he's just scared. We couldn't finish his haircut at the kid salon, because of it. I had to try to even it out in his sleep. I tried everything to get this kid to get his haircut, but he wouldn't budge. I even tried buying playdough toys that let you cut the peoples hair in the chair with plastic scissors, to help him get over it, but it didn't work. I didn't push the subject, my god I thought its only hair, let him have hair if he wants it. Well when this kid entered kindergarten, he had very long hair lol. He finally decided over that year to have dad shave it, and I think it was peer pressure, teasing from other kids over looking like a girl, and the hassle of it falling in his face. Now, it bothers him if his hair gets too long and he decides to cut strands on his own. UGH lol
These were all things that just didn't tell me he was different. They told me he was an individual, and I like people/kids who march to their own beat.
Now that I think back, I can see it now. But he never did anything consistantly, constantly or obvious like hand flapping, rocking or continue with his problems with speech.
He has always had friends. (even though I see more problems now with his friends than back then, I do truely thing that is something that has progressed)He did head bang, and toe walk, but it didn't last very long. He will occasionaly head bang now, but not constantly. He echolia's now, but not constantly, but if someone didn't bring it to my attention, I would of never noticed.
I could go on and on and on. I see somethings that started out looking more normal, and happened not as often, but aggressed as time went on. It has made me secretly think that little things started at birth but grew grew grew. I also see the same thing with my 7 yr old right now.
I know you know about this stuff so much Renee, but remember, you are also a parent, that has strong emotional ties to your kids. Who wants to see these things?????
Actually longer than 10 yrs. I blamed my self somewhat for DD's behaviors for years. Even though I had a druggy ex, who would form a relationship, leave her, get sober, leave her, fall off the wagon, form a relationship, leave her again, until I finally stopped the insanity with the help of a therapist.
I don't think I have ever had a "normal model" child to compare my two boys to you know? I just didn't see it.
Morning Ladies... Please please please......... noone here is to blame for their childs issues... it is nothing we did as parents that made them like they are....The first thing I say each morning to myself is God has never given me something that he doesn't think I can handle.
Renee,
First HUGS. This is not your fault. I have two ideas. One, as he's gotten older overall life is more stressful and harder to deal with so you see more behaviors. Yes, he may have jumped in the bouncer but was he also going to school then all day 5 days a week? Two, if you believe that enviornmental toxins are to blame or have an effect its possible he's had a new exposure since the time of the video or just an ongoing exposure that's built up over time affecting his neurology. I know my kids had been drinking tap water with lead and aluminum in it for about 5 yrs. You know that has to have an effect over time. Talk about guilt for not figuring that one out sooner.
Samantha
http://www.emofree.com/a/?2684/1 Free EFT Get Started Package
This link if for EFT, an engergy therapy based on accupunture, great for helping you deal with emotions. Its called emotional freedom technique. It might help.
Edited 1/17/2007 9:10 am ET by mamahh
{{{RENEE}}} I never saw the things either Renee. Victor was such a sweet child til he started school full time. Right at 4 when he started Pre-K is when the meltdowns started. I swore he was ADHD but no one would listen. He was just obviously different. His kindergarten teacher said that he was just a different learner and not worry about it but when all the other kids in class were writing their ABC's and Victor was looking at everyone like they were nuts, I knew I was in for a long road.
I didn't even realize Victor had any physical developmental delays until Bryanna's physical therapist suggested that I get him tested. Bryanna didn't learn to walk until 23 months, couldn't STAND grass, etc..
I look back tho and short of haircuts, before the age of 4, I didn't see anything wrong with him. I do have to agree that it's partially environmental. The longer they have the stressors in their lives, the more of the behaviors we're going to see.
I'll tell you this much tho, I do beat myself up ALOT for Victor being diagnosed ADHD and put on meds even at 6. If I had taken the time to go for a full diagnosis, maybe he wouldn't be as opposed to medication right now as he is. Right now he doesn't like taking tylenol for a headache until he's in tears from the pain. You're not alone in the beating yourself up thing. We all do it at intervals.
Alexis
Ladies, ladies, let's all take a cleansing breath and repeat the mantra, "It's NOT bad parenting, it is NOT my fault. I am a strong confident woman and a superheromom. Angelina Jolie and Madonna have got nothing on me except billions of dollars and lots of staff...."
ok, forget that last part.
But really, this stuff is so complicated. Years and years of scientific research still has not been able to sort out the causes, cures, and even if there is an "ASD Epidemic." We are mere mortals and from what I read on this board year in and year out, we are blankety blank good, no, make that GREAT parents!
That said, I understand Renee, that looking at the videos and seeing change is due to the stressors of life. In Eric, the behaviors seem like the come, go and as he gets older the behaviors seem to stand out more whereas as a toddle he blended better. When I look at the 1-2 yo vids, I see a possibly hyperactive, smiley boy who is mute or does echolalia. But would not stand out otherwise. His life was easier then, home mostly with several adult "playmates" (ie therapists) and little daily social stress.
But now we have two Erics. For example,
IEP meeting a month ago: County staffing specialist: "Mrs. X, Eric's LAP scores are phenomenal. They would be wonderful even if he did not have PDD-NOS. His vocabulary is incredible. He's already met all his pre-k goals. This child should definitely be mainstreamed."
vs.
Teacher last week after the first week in a new school, inclusion class: "Mrs. X, Eric is doing very well with the transition, except that I notice he often grinds his teeth and makes bird noises during reading circle. Does he do this at home? Has he always twirled his hair and pulled it? Also, I told him that he couldn't go to recess unless he sat down during lunch. Did you tell me he needs help in the bathroom with zippers, because if you didn't, he does."
Pardon me, um, Mrs. GenEd teacher, have you read the *!$#ing IEP? And by the way, have you noticed how phenomenal those LAP scores are? Those aren't bird noises, by the way, he is speaking in an alien dialect that he is channeling from the Hubble spacecraft, he's a genius, you know.
Repeat: "it's not my fault...I am a strong confident woman...I am a superhero mom..."
Hang in there everyone! Me included. Sorry to be so sarcastic, it's been a tense week.
Hugs,
Katherine
Yes will looking back again and obsessing on it all night I have some more insight.
First, when he was little I do remember lots and lots of issues and looking again and some parts of the video it is there just not as obvious. For instance, in a museum where we were the only ones there he was looking in an old barber shop and when asked if he wanted a hair cut (joking) it took 3 times before he understood or heard us and then responded with some odd line like "That is something I cannot do".
I know we also video tape the good parts (ie no screaming fits, lol).
But the other things I noticed was his environment. Most of this video is before we moved and our trip cross country. This was late summer so Mike had been home with us and it was just family or the one grandparent like couple that used to watch him when I worked a few hour a week. Our life in MA was very quiet. Birthdays where just my mom and us. We had a few friends but mostly it was structured and quiet.
When we moved to CA we lived with my inlaws for 6 months and that was terribly stressful on Mike. Dave was born while we lived there. He started preschool. He started more and more testing (He had started in MA but we left before it truly affected his life).
Funny in the video I started noticing the more autistic stuff right after our arrival in California.
I know it was there before. A neuro in MA had mentioned PDD prior to our move but Mike's anxiety and behavior in doctors offices was always extreme. In fact he was such a sweet guy I would have never had him evaled if it wasn't for his behavior at the peds and the peds referral.
Ok, processing this too much and I have to get ready to bring the kids to school.
Renee
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