I feel so bad......

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
I feel so bad......
5
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 3:59am

As you all know I am having my 10 yr old son tested right now. I have also have the flu, and Pleurisy in my lung added to it. Its been pretty painful, but I will live....

Trying to deal with the boys fighting has been hard, as I can barely talk, and I have alot of pain in my lung, and am out of breathe. They have been angels tho, seeing how I am sick, and really trying hard to get along or to cooporate by separating when I ask them too.

Anyway tonite my 7 yr old couldn't get to sleep. My 10 yr old was in my room and decided he wanted to play his recorder. My 7 yr old and I could hear the recorder in his room. He couldn't sleep.

We have a pretty big house, so unfortunantly, you can't talk, you have to yell to the otherside of the house to have anyone hear you. (I so wish we had an intercom system in place). Well I kept yelling ( not mad, but yelling so he could hear me) to stop the music. He kept on playing.... I was getting upset as I knew he could hear me, and my 7 yr old sons room was right next too our room, but he kept on playing.

I finally got up, all upset (part of it was being sick for the last 3 weeks, feeling drained and thinking my 10 yr old wasn't listening to me on purpose.) and walked into my room and I said stop...stop... stop (in a normal but forceful tone) but when he wouldn't stop, my temper hit. I flew into a rage as my son puts it. I didn't think it was a rage, but a really mad feeling and words. I guess I could be wrong tho, I was pretty mad.

I tried to explain that he saw how his brother came in our room, saying he couldn't sleep, and I went back to his room with him to get him to sleep. But then he just started playing the recorder. And I said stop stop stop over and over and he wouldn't stop for a second. I explained that he could play his recorder, but only after his brother fell asleep, which would take a few min...

But Chris looked at me and said mom (matter of factly), I just saw you had alot of rage, and it confused me.

God I feel so bad. I just didn't get that he couldn't pick up on this thing here. On my body language, on the situation that was happening... on anything.

I feel like a terrible mother.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2006
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 6:59am

No bad mom.
You are on your 'death bed' sick and he had you on the edge. You didn't beat the sense out of him. I can understand him too.
My little one "button pusher" can take me there. I don't give him slack over his dx, that's just a cop out. If I get into that "rage" mode, it does confuse a kid. If I disapline with a stern voice not crazy mother voice it works better.

Hug your son, explain how sick you are to him.
The get it.

Nora

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 9:08am

(((HUGS)))

We all have moments like that when we loose our cool. Especially if we are not feeling well. You are human. Its OK. Give yourself a break.

I hope you are feeling better really soon.
Samantha

Samantha
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 10:37am

{{{Thanks Guys}}} I felt pretty lousy about it. I did apologize for it after, and gave a hug, but I still felt bad that I didn't get it ya know? I'm pretty new to this. and altho he hasn't been dx'd yet, it just hit me in the face with what he said....

I just needed a place to talk about it. I really did feel bad about it. I knew you all would understand.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 3:00pm

Oh sweetheart, if you are a bad mom then I am evil incarnate. We all make goofs and we are human. It is a wonderful mom who is able to afterwards go and apologize. Ya know, the yelling would have worked with typical kids and it can be very hard to realize each time what is not going to work or how thier brains are going to process something.

(((HUGS)))

Renee

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 5:10pm

You guys really are the best you know? My son was fine after I apologized, more fine than me lol. I guess I just gotta keep on reading and learning all about this stuff. Recognize it, deal with it appropriatly and also to know when its time to give myself a time out lol.

{{{{HUGS EVERYONE}}}}