I have an Idea .........

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2005
I have an Idea .........
6
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 1:49pm
How about we all move to a deserted island somewhere? That way I wouldn't have to explain to anyone why my DS is flicking his fingers in front of his eyes or why he lays on the floor kicking and screaming because transitioning from one activity to the other is just so overwhelming for him.Sorry, just blowing off some steam! I had another "wonderful" playgroup session today at our local church. I've been going since before I had Ella and maybe it's my imagination but I'm starting to feel like maybe my kids and I have the plague or something. I just feel like some of the mothers treat us differently since Jake was diagnosed and they are not shy about pointing out some of Jake's quirks. I didn't mind the questions or observations in the begining because I felt it brought some awareness to people who had never been exposed to Autism and it was very possible some of these kids would be in Jakes class at school someday and I felt if the parents were aware of Jake's issues they could explain to their kids a little easier some of Jake's behaviors.But what happened today makes me think otherwise,One mom actually said about Jake"What happened to him, he's doing really well".This is the same mom who a couple of months ago held her small child in her arms as Jake was running towards her and said to her child"here comes the scary boy".Jake had gone through a phase of lashing out when the kids would take toys from him and I think that was what she was refering to. I haven't been there in forever because we usually have therapy for one or the other of the kids but the therapist cancelled today so I decided to take them. Jake did really well most of the time and even when the other kids kept taking the trains away he didn't lash out but he was totally engrossed in Thomas and ignored everyone around him for the whole hour and half we were there. Ella also did the same thing! I just don't see the point in taking them anymore because as long as the Thomas table stays there Jake will not interact with the kids and Ella is not exactly a social butterfly either.I just don't know a lot of people where we live and don't have many chances to socialize the kids so I thought this would be good for them. I just don't know if I should take them back. What would you do?
Teresa
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 2:13pm

Hi Teresa:

We all know how you feel. People can be so rude and frankly, mean. I had an incident when my 5 yr. old son had a meltdown in Target b/c he couldn't get another Thomas train and was "not gonna leave Target ever". (Melt down was partially my fault b/c I had shopped way to long and he was tired and hungry.) I had to give my teen-aged daughter my credit card and calmly walk my screaming son out of the store to get him to the car and remind him to breath when he feels like he is going to explode. You should have heard all of the comments at the store and on the way to the car. My daughter later stated that she wanted to get on the store's intercom and announce "my brother has Asperger's Syndrome, a high functioning version of autism; he is not a brat and my mother does not need to spank him." Needless to say, people are quick to judge.

I suggest that you look for a social skills play group for Asperger's/HFA in your community. You will be w/ a group of parents that totally understand meltdowns and challenges as well as getting much needed social time for you and your child. Make sure that the play group is not just identified for children diagnosed w/ Autism; I've found that when I tried to participate in groups that were not specifically set forth for Asperger/HFA,my DS did not benefit, and other parents with children w/ classic autism, either could not believe that my son was on the spectrum, thought I had some magic cure, or looked at me like what are you complaining about. In any case, check with your pediatrician. You will not hear any hurting comments and your child will benefit greatly and possibly (hold your breath) make friends. My son's group had a bowling/pizza party last month and my son had a great time. I also had a great time socializing w/ parents who were not judgmental.

Crystal

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 3:22pm

Great idea! Let's found Aspietown.

I nominate Renee for mayor...

-Paula
(I will post a serious reply to this when I have a chance)

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 3:39pm

Hehehe, you can all move here to my hometown and we will start a commune for aspies out in east county.

That said, BTDT. Wow you brought back some memories from my first church playgroup with the kids. Back before I "knew" what was different about the kids and it was just stressful. Then when I did know I either got the plague treatment or the "I don't see anything wrong they just need discipline" treatment.

I love the idea of finding a playgroup for HFA/AS kids. THere were enough parents in our area that for a while we had started our own. It was so much easier to hang out with other people who didn't comment if you couldn't sing "Happy Birthday" at birthday parties, lol.

I met many of them through the preschool program here. There is a parents group, but many of the parents who did drop off and pick ups just on thier own started planning to get together for playdates and coffee. Also, I have met a few at our church, and even dragged some other moms into our church. I have met a couple through the Aspergers' parents group through the ASA as well as through our play therapist. I have even met some through the regular school and classes. My closest friend happened to have an NT son in Mike's K class. But we both could tell by other kids walking in and family dynamics that we both had similar challenges, LOL.

Oh, another is through special needs sports programs and such.

Thing is to keep your eyes open. I have never been withdrawn about the kids differences and I will usually find some way to bring it up if I see another parent who seems to have similar kids. Then I am not shy about "gee you want to meet at the park". I have tons of aquaintances and a few good friends with ASD or SN kids. It makes life and visiting a whole lot easier when you have that in common.

Renee

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 11:25pm

Teresa,

Follow your gut. If you dont; feel like goign back there, why bother? do what *you* feel is *right* for your family. Not what you feel you should do, KWIM? I know when I let go of some of those social pressures, things got a lot easier for me. Now we do our own thing, and feck the begrudgers.

I do agree with the sentiment that special needs parents are an entirely nicer bunch of people. There are not too many "normal" families that I bother with these days. We get on quite well with ADHD kids, as my kids are motion and prop. sensory seekers, they can keep up with the hyper kids just fine!

I think the real trick is finding out what suits and works for you. Once you've done that, it is easy to just get on with things.

HTH. I'm rambling a bit...

-Paula

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 9:37am

I know exactly how you are feeling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2004
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 11:03am
I feel you on this one. All of the mommy boards I had joined have isolated us. No one speaks to me, and if we attended a playgroup my kid was an outcast. I eventually found a new groupm, where everyone's kids have quirks. Maybe keep searching. I also got this autism awareness cards on ebay, for all of those that give us the "look". AWESOME! Just remember your children are what's most important to you, not the other ppl or the way they feel. Make your kids feel special with lots of mommy time! I did this for a few weeks, and felt MUCH better! Good lucK!