We all I think have a friend or two who don't get it and try to "help" that way. I had a neighbor who was just like that, and it was infuriating. As to Aiden being ADD; well it's not unheard of for families with ASD's to have other neurological disabilities, (there are a few books out there about it). What I'm wondering is though,perhaps your ds is reacting the way any NT kid would as a middle child, the only boy with two spec needs sisters. The teacher really had no right suggesting anything about ADD unless she is trying to be constructive and help you with some legitimate behavior modifications. I would say, "no thankyou" to the extra work and request a meeting with the teacher and perhaps the school counsellor to find out what can be done to help Aiden instead of stressing him out even moreso.
Your friend just has no idea. She has not lived in your shoes and unfortunately went to the judgemental place.
I KNOW for a fact you are a wonderful mom with fabulous kids. (I am lucky, I met them). You have tried everything and I know meds were a hard choice for you but it was and is the right choice for Chloe. It has made a really big difference for her. When they work for her and she can function, be happy and have a more normal life then it would not be fair to her not too.
Next time this friend says something about meds, ask her if a child in a wheelchair just isn't trying hard enough to walk or the mom didn't try hard enough. It is the same thing only chloe's disability is not obvious visually but right now at this time you have tried everything else and she does need those meds at this time just like the parapalegic child needs a wheel chair.
Unfortunately this is part of the problem with invisible disabilities. It leaves you open to constant judging by others. You are darned if you do and darned if you don't in the telling them arena. If you don't they think you are a bad parent with a bad kid. If you tell them they sometimes think you are full of it.
Not long ago a crack was made at karate by the instructor. His wife has cp I believe. An obvious physical disability of some sort. I have told him in the past about Mike, etc. His wife did something she worked hard at and he made a crack that no one there knows what it is like to live with a "real disability". Ticked me off at first but then I realized he just can't get it. Autism, particularly the more verbal/less obvious kind is just as real a disability as all others.
In fact, back on our weekend a comment was made by a young mom that my kids "looked normal" to her. That used to really bug me, still does sometimes. Kind of like I don't belong to the SN world but I took it for what it was. Someone young who hadn't had the range of experiences yet to understand the whole world of special needs. It was an innocent remark and likely meant to be nice.
What that mom said to you however, was judgemental and hurtful. It is ok to be upset with that. But don't take it personally. She isn't right.
Ahhh Christina, what a hard week you had!!!
We all I think have a friend or two who don't get it and try to "help" that way. I had a neighbor who was just like that, and it was infuriating. As to Aiden being ADD; well it's not unheard of for families with ASD's to have other neurological disabilities, (there are a few books out there about it). What I'm wondering is though,perhaps your ds is reacting the way any NT kid would as a middle child, the only boy with two spec needs sisters. The teacher really had no right suggesting anything about ADD unless she is trying to be constructive and help you with some legitimate behavior modifications. I would say, "no thankyou" to the extra work and request a meeting with the teacher and perhaps the school counsellor to find out what can be done to help Aiden instead of stressing him out even moreso.
(((Hugs)))
Dee
((((Christina))))
So sorry things are rough right now.
((((CHRISTINA)))))
Your friend just has no idea. She has not lived in your shoes and unfortunately went to the judgemental place.
I KNOW for a fact you are a wonderful mom with fabulous kids. (I am lucky, I met them). You have tried everything and I know meds were a hard choice for you but it was and is the right choice for Chloe. It has made a really big difference for her. When they work for her and she can function, be happy and have a more normal life then it would not be fair to her not too.
Next time this friend says something about meds, ask her if a child in a wheelchair just isn't trying hard enough to walk or the mom didn't try hard enough. It is the same thing only chloe's disability is not obvious visually but right now at this time you have tried everything else and she does need those meds at this time just like the parapalegic child needs a wheel chair.
Unfortunately this is part of the problem with invisible disabilities. It leaves you open to constant judging by others. You are darned if you do and darned if you don't in the telling them arena. If you don't they think you are a bad parent with a bad kid. If you tell them they sometimes think you are full of it.
Not long ago a crack was made at karate by the instructor. His wife has cp I believe. An obvious physical disability of some sort. I have told him in the past about Mike, etc. His wife did something she worked hard at and he made a crack that no one there knows what it is like to live with a "real disability". Ticked me off at first but then I realized he just can't get it. Autism, particularly the more verbal/less obvious kind is just as real a disability as all others.
In fact, back on our weekend a comment was made by a young mom that my kids "looked normal" to her. That used to really bug me, still does sometimes. Kind of like I don't belong to the SN world but I took it for what it was. Someone young who hadn't had the range of experiences yet to understand the whole world of special needs. It was an innocent remark and likely meant to be nice.
What that mom said to you however, was judgemental and hurtful. It is ok to be upset with that. But don't take it personally. She isn't right.
Christina-
Like the others have said, while your friend may mean well, she simply doesn't get it- and probably never will.
delete
Edited 2/19/2008 12:11 pm ET by littleroses
<"Thanks, but you know what I really need? A sitter!" >
ROTFLMAO
Dee
LR!
thank you so much! ROFLOL! I needed your post-- exactly what i'd love to say to people, but my brain and mouth don't connect fast enough.