I need to vent!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2004
I need to vent!
12
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 8:18am

I haven't had two decent nights sleep in a row since the beginning of August. Ian keeps waking up in the middle of the night and raiding the pantry or watching TV or he comes in and gets into bed with us. He went to the nurse's office last week and took a nap at school. I cannot stay up all night policing whether or not he stays in bed and gets enough sleep. I'm losing my empathy for this kid because I don't think he's trying. He knows he has ADHD and Aspergers and says stuff like, "Can I help it if I have ADHD?" He slept very soundly during the summer, so I know it's anxiety over school, but I'm truly getting sick to death of spending inordinate amounts of time, money and energy into trying to make things all better for him. He's not helping himself enough. All of the strategies we worked on, like reading a book if he wakes up at night or turning on some soothing music, he's not doing. I'm beginning to feel extremely put upon. He also is making outrageous demands (and he's very persistent) for things he knows he can't have. Then he starts chanting, "I want it! I want it! I want it!" and crying hysterically. Other times he gets goofy and lays on the floor with his eyes closed and his tongue hanging out, claiming to be road kill.

Crap! I finally get Duncan situated, making huge strides, and then Ian starts in. If it's not one of them, it's the other, and if not one or the other, it's both.

Then there's my husband. He stays up late. Because I'm already angry about not getting nearly enough sleep to deal with two autistic children, manage the finances, the house, everyone's schedules, cook and clean, I'm easy to wake. He comes to bed and turns on the TV. He can't find the remote, he's fiddling around looking for it and, if I was asleep, I'm not now, and with the TV on and him using me as a body pillow, I'm not likely to get any sleep at this point, about 12:30 - 1:30 by now, and I have to get up at 6:30 for Ian, and chances are he will be waking up within the next 2 hours and I'll have to get up and deal with him. My husband knows this, we've had the conversation about it at least 200 times, no exageration, but I'm convinced he's got Asperger's too and does not LEARN from our discussions. He continues to use me as a pillow, wake me when he comes in to bed, etc. And then, "Hey, ya wanna quickie?" I'm thinking, "Ya wanna die much???" He also is very unconcerned about the kids' issues and just walks around going "Lalalala, I don't want to know, lalalala." I feel like it's all on me to research, go to doctor's appointments, deal with the school, etc. and I'm totally overloaded. A few years ago he said, "Well, I have this thing I do all day. It's called WORKING." Needless to say, he only said that ONCE! But I have a very long memory and I KNOW he's thinking it.

I swear, I'm leaving town and changing my name so no one can find me!!!

Kelly
(Who is not at all remorseful for having these feelings, at least not at the moment.)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 9:30am

Hey Kelly

((((BIG HUGS))))) BTDT too. For me it isn't the DH waking me late (at least not often he is an early to bed type) It is the computer. The house could be falling down around him and he won't move. Then he will yell at the kids if they interupt his precious computer time. I can't leave for an evening for even back to school night and expect the homework to get done or the evening checklists if I am not there then I am the one that has to deal with the kids not having thier homework the next day. And the worst is I am the one the next day who has to deal with trying to get them back caught up and back into a routine of doing homework since they got to watch TV the night before so they were out of his hair.

There has to be some way that you can get some sleep. That is really important because if you don't it is going to be harder and harder on you. I feel for you though because it just seems like there is no answer particularly if your DH isn't particularly supportive or unable to be supportive. My own has a fair amount of AS issues and it is questionable as well.

Maybe melatonin for Ian for sleep? Or benedryl in the short term just to get him back into a good sleep habit before waking becomes the habit?

Ugh, gotta run and do that getting the kids ready thing.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2005
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 9:36am

One very important statement....YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!


Even though my dh is very sweet and thinks he is ever so helpful, I am also the one who deals with the 24 hour clock and the kids.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 9:41am

Kelly,


It sounds like you have been bottling at least some of that up for some time. I hope it helped to get

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2005
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 10:08am

Kelly,


Paula is right about hearing it from someone else.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 11:25am

Kelly, big HUGS and why the heck should you feel remorseful.

I was wondering if Ian isn't getting as much exercise as he did during the summer with the sitting all day at school. This could be affecting his sleep.

When my dd was waking in the night we made sure there was no TV or computer or roudness an hour before bedtime. Then we had to make her room very dark, very quiet, and cold (people generally sleep better in a cold room), and pile her up with heavy blankets. We also treated her for yeast overgrowth which for a lot of kids causes night waking, hyperness, and sillieness. When we did the above the night waking stoped, halleluia!

As for your dh....Mine would never come near me when I'm sleeping. I've always been a violent sleeper, lol. If you try to touch me when I'm alseep I punch and kick, without waking up. Maybe you could suddenly come down with my sleeping style ;)

Samantha

Samantha
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2004
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 12:56pm
Sorry to hear what you are going through. I have a dd with ADHD and we had sleep issues for a while. Two things that helped big time- EXCERCISE and melatonin (sp?). Either one works for her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2004
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 3:14pm

Thanks everyone! I took a nap after my husband and Ian left this morning. It's amazing what a wonderful sleep you can have when you know you will not be disturbed for a given period of time.

I have addressed the idea of separate sleeping for me and my husband, which was met with, "WHAT???" I think he just likes to cuddle -- how many women WISH they had a man who would cuddle, and here I am complaining about it. I think a real body pillow might help. He's actually very wonderful and it's the sleep issue that I have the most trouble with. He's good about going with me to take the kids for dental appointments, vaccines, etc. He just doesn't do any research on the ASD and doesn't remember what I tell him, plus he bombards me with questions I think are irrelevant when we discuss it, which totally frustrates me. The idea of an IED sends him over the edge and he wants no special education for the boys. Which is all right because I think they honestly can handle it, but it means we will have more difficulty at home because they save all the irritating behavior for us.

As for Ian, sleep has been a HUGE issue since he was born. I have seriously considered the mood disorder, but every doctor we've seen seems to think that it's just the ADHD. His sleep actually improved dramatically since he's been on Concerta. He used to be awake almost all the time and it was horrible. He'd sleep but only for about 2 hours at a time, so although I'm seriously annoyed with the situation at hand, it's much, much better than it used to be. We do give him a whole capsule of Benedryl every night. I'm a big woman and 2 knock me out for the entire night (hmm, maybe *I* should take some after not getting much sleep for a few nights), so I can't believe that one wouldn't keep him asleep for the night. He only weighs 60 pounds. I've been a little afraid to try the melatonin, but it may come to that. The other thing is that I think if I can redirect him back to his bed, he will go back to sleep. But I don't want to be the sentry every night waiting for him to wake up so I can do that. Last year I tried putting a bell on his door so if he opened it I'd wake to get him back to bed. Unfortunately, I'd not be able to sleep waiting for the bell, which is my problem I suppose. I get into a cycle where I can't go to sleep because I know I'm going to be awakened, and then I'm really a mess. I'm afraid I'm going to get into that cycle and I'm trying to nip it in the bud.

Thank goodness Duncan is a good sleeper!!! I think they'd be taking me away to the looney bin if not for that!

Sleep is an issue for a lot of us with ASD kids, and I knew I could count on you guys to understand! Thanks for the suggestions and I will try them and let you know how it goes.

Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2006
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 4:59pm
Melatonon helped son fall to sleep and to sleep better. He wakes up only once. Recently I rearranged his bedding, took off the comforter and left 2 blankets on the bed. He has to wrap himself tightly in the 2 blankets and seems to sleep better. When he is going to have a tough night going to sleep and staying asleep he removes the pillowcase from the pillow. For months before & following the dx, son did not sleep, I was miseable, so I know how you feel about the lack of sleep. Good Luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2006
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 5:06pm

I've been a little afraid to try the melatonin, but it may come to that.
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May I ask why? I give it to DD age 3.5, about 33 lbs and its been a gosend at helping nher get herself settled down to sleep. I did quite a bit of research before i tried it, and talked to the doc and everything i've read seems to be a thumbs up. they have tested on kids as young as 1. Have you read/heard otherwise? My doc said to do mel rather than benedryl as the body can build up a tolerance to benedryl eventually. i like you am out cold on benedryl, so the only time my kids get it is if the are traveling overseas overnight and they must sleep so they can make the time zone jump......

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2004
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 6:23pm

I've been afraid to try the melatonin because I'm not that familiar with it and when I asked the pharmacist he didn't really give me any useful info. I haven't done any research, though, and I will definitely talk to Ian's doctor about drug interactions, etc. The last time I spoke with her she just said to use benedryl.

Kelly

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