I still don't know the whole story

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Registered: 03-26-2003
I still don't know the whole story
4
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 11:27am

Weston is in the 4th grade. He'll be 9 on Monday. And his Dx is Autism, he's very high functioning and is mainstreamed for all classes but is pulled out for speech and consultations w/ the OT. He quailifies for AGP math (gifted). His homeroom teacher teaches Math (which he goes to another class for by himself) and Science. He goes to another teacher (and classroom) for Language Arts, Reading and Social Studies. He is the only one in his class that is in the AGP math so he has to go by himself. He was placed in this homeroom because the LA teacher has lots of experience w/ kids w/ autism and the homeroom teacher has some experience w/ ASD kids as well.

After the 2nd day, I was asking Weston what his schedule is during the day. He said that he goes here and goes there and that he doesn't have lunch w/ his homeroom class (this confused me because I thought that's why he was in the class). Then he lost his lunch box and didn't bring home his homework on the 2nd and 3rd days. He said that he doesn't have time to pack up properly and has to hurry up because he's always late coming back from Math (it's just across the hall). I find all this changing of classes very confusing and really too much for a 4th grader that's NT let alone my ASD forth grader that doesn't ask any questions when he's confused and really doesn't have any sense of when and where he should be at certain times.

Last night was parent orientation. I had 4 places to be at 2 different times (DH couldn't go because DS#1 had a meeting downtown at the same time) at the school. So, I didn't get to talk to his AGP math teacher, the other two teachers kind of glossed over his changing of classes and said, that they had "everything straightened out now". The LA teacher said that he was incredible and doing just fine, could hardly tell he has any differences at all. Then she proceeded to tell me that he got very upset when the other teacher brought him is "move and sit" when he didn't bring it w/ to the other class. But that he was able to tell her why he was angry. She has this attitude that he's fine and we're making too much of the whole thing, but he was VERY upset about all the homework missing and he was lost at some point on the first 2 days and they didn't tell me about it. I still don't know the whole story!

Oh, and it really makes me angry when they gloss over things. He has ASD, just because he's holding it together the first week of school doesn't change that fact (he's been REALLY stimmy at home and melts over everything). Teachers don't need to put on a happy face for me. I like to hear nice things about my kids but telling me he's great and perfectly fine is an out-right lie, they don't need to sugar-coat it for me. If they think his Dx is wrong (which is often the unspoken thought) they'll know the truth soon enough.

Betsy

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Registered: 02-24-2004
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 12:29pm

Betsy,

I have this problem too. Although we haven't started school yet, Nathan's teacher last year "glossed" over things too. When I went to the pumpkin patch field trip and sat in his class to observe one day......I was able to see the real picture. Nathan DOES do well, for someone with autism. But she made it seem like his behavior was NT like, and it's not. I know she was trying to sugar coat things so I wouldn't worry, but I'm like you....I want the truth.

Nathan holds things in too when he's at school, and then will do his meltdowns at home. He was still a bit stimmy in class along with some other little quirks. But I'm not sure if his teacher really picked up on any of this. I can see when he needs to be redirected and when he needs help.....I don't think teachers always see that. They feel that as long as the student isn't disruptive, violent, or melting down in class.....they're doing fine. That just isn't the case though with our kids.

Michelle

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Registered: 10-03-2004
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 2:47pm

The things you are both writing about is why I don't want my son mainstreamed for school, not to mention that NYC's version of mainstreaming in public school seems to be to throw the kids to the wolves without enough help so they can become behavior problems over time and completely disrupt everyone's education and learn how inept they are at functioning, no thanks. If the teachers do not have a real background in teaching ASD kids, then somehow the kid has to become responsible for learning how to function and gleaning so much information from an alien system, and how do they do this?

Malcolm held things together for almost 5 weeks of NT summer camp this summer. He had some small troubles with schedule changes, etc., and was very wired-up and needed LOTS of downtime in the evening. But all in all, up to week 6 when teasing and exhaustion etc. caused him to come apart, Malcolm was able to do VERY well. Without an expert to help him, I don't know HOW we would have been able to get Malcolm back in the swing of things at that point. He was angry and frustrated and couldn't completely verbalize what was wrong. As there were only 2 weeks left of camp, we finished early and went on a fun trip.

But I am not willing to take that kind of chance on his schooling, having him all day with people who do not understand him or how to help him. So we have him in private ASD school, and once he is more recovered from summer experience, we hope to continue having him in afterschool pgs. with NT kids and again more summer camps, so he can continue to learn more about socializing with NT kids, even in small crowds, etc. Just not when he also needs to be getting his education. He is more than a few years ahead of grade level in his schooling, I want him to stay there, stay happy and slowly learn how to get along with other children. I do not want him to have to experience himself as having a deficit just because his challenges are different than the way our education system is set up to teach!

yours,

Sara
ilovemalcolm

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 4:51pm

We have had the same problem too many times betsy. I have a couple suggestions. First, write and request a meeting with all the teachers in attendance. You can request individual meetings with the teachers but I really think you need to address this in a legal IEP setting.

Next, write down all your concerns and note all the instances you have mentioned. Make notes, include times of incidents, who you spoke to, everything you can remember. From now until the meeting continue to record all instances like this. You can also record the increased behavior at home, noting that it is different from past school situations where he wasn't stressed.

When you meet have all your data on how the current situation is NOT working for him. That if the situation continues you fear that this year will be a failure and you want to proactively come up with some strategies now to help him. There are a variety of possibilities or it may be possible that if they insist on that much change then he will need a 1:1 aide.

There is no way that a typical 4th grader can handle all that. Perhaps a typical very gifted one can. Unfortunately, because our kids can be gifted in some areas it is often forgotten how delayed or disabled they can be in others and they are left to try to cover for themselves and it doesn't work. There is absolutely no way a child with an ASD can handle that no matter how well they test.

Good luck. Oh and I would cause a big stink over him being lost too. That may be how you get your aide, but it is a safety issue and they need to keep him safe.

Renee

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Registered: 09-15-2003
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 9:21pm

Betsy,

I am a former teacher turned stay at home mom. I just want to throw in my two cents....the teacher may not be trying to gloss over things. She may be telling you the way she honestly sees things thus far. It is so early in the year that your son's differences may not be apparent to her. She has many students (and parents)to get to know at once.

I think a team meeting (with all his teachers) is a great suggestion.

Chrissy