IEP Yesterday

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2007
IEP Yesterday
4
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 1:22pm
My 9 1/2 year old had his IEP yesterday. Quick background, less than 2 months ago he was diagnosed PDD NOS by a doctor, also anxiety disorder NOS. School has been a fight. This is what was suggested yesterday...He does not qualifty for an ASD diagnosis through school. Big shock. I hate them all. However, he does qualify for EI, that does get him all the services he needs so I am not going to argue over the fine print. He will get resource room when he needs it for quite time/homework completion. He will still get speech, and he will get OT. I am very happy with all that. Here is the kicker, he is currently in 4th grade, they want to retain him. All of his doctors have said no, this will not do him any good. 5th grade here is middle school, it would probably be disastrous for him. I am so incredibly torn. The principle of the school said that she would personally pick the best teacher for him, handpick the students in his class and devise a seating arrangement with certain students situated around him. She knows her stuff, she really does. She is bending over backwards for me, I know it. I think I am going to take the deal. I want to cry, I want to bury my head in the sand and pretend there is nothing wrong with my little boy.
Carey
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
In reply to: gekker1
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 3:00pm

Dear Carey,

Welcome to the board. Has your ds had a particularly rough elementary school before this time, as you have only now received the dx? Has he had services and accomodations before this IEP? What is the reasoning you are being given by the school for retaining him? Is he struggling academically? Does he have friends in the group that will be going to 5th grade? Do your doctors realize that 5th grade would mean a complete change in school, ie. middle school? How much different is the middle school from the elementary school, that varies somewhat from place to place?

So many questions I have. My son is close to your son's age, but so far has been in special needs schools and now homeschooled, LOOOOONG story. We consider retaining him in the future to prolong his start to middle school a year, which he does not need academically at all but might help him with social catching up. Although here, the middle schools are in such bad shape that either small private or homeschooling is likely our only option.

I do understand about wanting to cry, but knowing what is going on with your son means you can really help him and you will be amazed how well he can be when his life is organized appropriately to what he needs to grow and flourish!

yours,

Sara
ilovemalcolm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: gekker1
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 3:34pm

((((Carey)))))

I know how you feel. We've debated holding back our DS every year since Kindy (he's in 2nd now.)

I don't really have any advice unfortunately. I just had a similar meeting yesterday and am facing the same decision. I'd be very cautious though as what administrators say is going to happen often has a way of not happening at all. I'd want to know what's the plan to help him transition in to middle school now as well as what they are going to do to support him in class once he's there. Do you have any recommendations from the Drs? That would help get the ball rolling.

good luck!

Chrystee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2007
In reply to: gekker1
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 3:35pm

HI Sara,
I'll try to answer all your questions.
1. Before now, elementary wasn't so bad. Last year he had a very loving teacher, and the social differences were not quite so glaringly obvious. We could tell for a while something was "different" about him, we just thought he was immature and eccentric.
2. He has been recieving services for speech and language since 2nd grade. He showed a high reading level, with low comprehension. They did testing and found other issues, pragmatics, eye contact, communication skills etc... They have been doing a good job with him in speech.
3-5. They feel he would be overwhelmed in 5th grade socially, and that would reflect academically as well. His grades have slipped dramatically this last year, and not due to teacher error. He daydreams, doesn't complete his work. The work he does is ok, he tests just fine, in fact tests show he is very bright, his grades are not reflecting this. He is very behind socially, he really doesn't have any friends.
6-7. No the docs don't realize how different middle school is. They change classes every hour, have to be responsibe enough to get to their locker to get the correct materials for each class etc...

I agree that he would be overwhelmed, I just don't know how much difference one year is going to make, I see the same kid I saw two years ago, he is almost no different, they think he is going to grow up so much in one year? What is going to happen next year?

I just really worry about how he is going to take all this.
Carey

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2006
In reply to: gekker1
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 5:43pm

I left my 1st IEP in tears. This is so hard. I felt like I didn't know enough to make the best decisions for her and I no longer had as much influence on her academic future (not true). There we are my hubby and I sitting in a room filled with the pros who are all argueing this and that and we don't know what to do. We thought we were very prepared and even went in with a list of priority and recomendations and her evaluator (psychologist) went with us. All of a sudden something came up we weren't expecting and it was like being hit with a baseball bat. It was so overwhelming. I totally understand how you feel. It hasn't even been a year since then and we feel much better. Not because we are happy with all of the things done this year but because it is such an improvement on last year. She is finally getting services and her gen ed teacher understands and is making an effort with her. She is much better now...much more confident. My point is that a year can make a world of difference. Now that everyone knows what is going on they can take the extra year to help your son build better relationships, advocate for himself, get more organized etc... At least then you will have a transition plan to get him ready for middle school. I second that you should be leary of the admin promises and hold their feet to the fire on that. If it isn't in writing it's less likely to happen. Having a child who was dxd after starting elementary scool I can definately see how it would be beneficial to keep him in 4th. The whole landscape changed for us after my daughter was certified. I didn't have her repeat 1st, she was very advanced academically and the 1st grade teachers are really weak at our school but I definately would not have moved her to middle school. It wouldn't have worked for us. Just food for thought.

This will get better. This is the first step on the road to long term success for you and your son. The first step is always the hardest, keep that in mind.