I'm losing my sanity...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2002
I'm losing my sanity...
6
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 3:31pm

How do you ladies do it? How do you cope 24/7 and not just want to run away? I'm having one of those days. Actually we've had several weeks but today for some reason it's just really gotten to me. I just don't think I have what it takes to do this. I have no patience and a quick temper. Not a good combo with a kid with behavior issues. I find myself yelling way too much and really wanting to throw things against the wall. DS's behavior has not been good lately. He completely ignores me. If I tell him to do one thing, he does the exact opposite and laughs about it. If I tell him to come to me, he runs the other way. He's constantly getting DH's and my stuff - stuff he knows he shouldn't have - and gives it to his 15mo brother to see if he'll get in trouble. I can't turn my back for a moment. This morning while taking a shower, I had little DS in the pack N play and let DS watch Noggin and when I came out he had gotten up on my dresser and gotten a container with earrings in it and dumped them all into the PNP with his brother. He refuses to go to the bathroom on the toilet. This week in particular I swear he's doing it just to spite me. We haven't had dry pants all week. And every day this week I ask him before nap if he needs to poop and he says no, but then 10 minutes later... I am so tired of it all!! Naptime is supposed to be my sanity break and instead I've been fighting with him all week at naptime. He's pulling his bed apart and then crying about it, pooping his pants, finding any reason he can to make me come check on him. Right now I just want to pack a bag and go away for a while, which makes me feel like the absolute worst mother on the planet. I know I'm mostly to blame - I'm probably not being strict enough or not being consistent enough or not giving him enough attention, but with a 15 mo and a PT job, I'm doing the best I can, but it's obviously not enough. We took him to a behavioral psych and he was an angel in her office so she gave us some guidelines and released him after 2 visits. I've been scouring the net for supplements or vitamins or something that might calm him down a little but it all scares me that it will have bad side effects.

Thanks for listening. I just really needed to vent to someone who might understand. DH only spends a few hours in the evenings and weekends with him so he doesn't know what it's like day-in and day-out 24/7 so he always makes me feel bad for needing a break or getting frustrated.

Thanks!
Trish

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 3:51pm

(((((Trish))))))


Honestly, I worked during the time when Peter was at his worst, and that was my break from the madness. I don't know what I would have done if I were home all the time.


Here is what I perceive happening at your house right now: I may be way off base, but this is my gut: You are stressed out right now, and you're virtually

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Avatar for toryanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 3:54pm

Okay, first of all, KNOW you are not alone. I know sometimes it seems like you're the only one with a "out of control" child. You're not hon. When Vic was 4 and Bryanna was 3, I thought the world was closing in on me. Do you have anyone other than Dh that will help you keep an eye on the kids for a couple of hours? I got so crazed one day that I got dinner ready by 5pm that night, fixed plates, fed the kids, handed my husband his dinner when he walked through the door with a note that says "Mommy and Babe and Honey do not exist for the next hour. If the children need anything, they will ask Daddy." Turned on my heels and ran a hot bubble bath and soaked. Took a portable cd player in there with me and cranked my music as well as a bottle of wine. I didn't get out of the tub until I was calm enough to deal with the chaos that was my house again. Turned out, Dh had put the kiddos to bed (altho Vic couldn't go to sleep without saying good night to Mommy so I had to go tell him) cleaned the dishes and tried to pick up the house some for me. He now knows that when I hand him his dinner plate at the door when he walks in that I have HAD it and need a break.
I would let the potty thing go. Inform him that since he wants to act like a baby and not go pee pee in the potty that he's got to wear diapers. When it becomes a power struggle, you're going to lose. If he needs a diaper change, make him go get the diapers and the baby wipes. Make it a HUGE problem to stop what you're doing to change him but don't tell him that it is. Tell him instead, "Are you ready to be a big boy, or do we need to continue putting on the diapers?" Inform the daycare that it's become a power struggle to get him to go but you are working on it. Let them know you've decided to totally forget about it for a while to let the stress die down. Most daycares will work with you on that point. If they won't, let your son know that he needs to wear big boy pants to the daycare but that he won't wear them at home. When it's been forgotten after a week or so, let it be his idea to be a big boy now.
((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) Hope that you can destress and feel better.

Alexis

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2007
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 11:11pm

(((Trish)))

We all have those days. I don't always cope well with DS or DD, I can lose my temper too. Even though I know DS can't help it. It is still extremely frustrating to deal with the behavior day in & day out.There are days I don't think I can do it either (I've had a few of those in the last 2 weeks!), but we can. Days when I have lost it or feel like I am going to my DH always tells me, "You are human, you're not perfect. Forgive yourself & move on." You've already gotten some great advice, so I will just tell you to remember that you are not alone & there are many others out there who struggle just like you. You are a great mom and tomorrow is a new day!

Janet

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 12:04am

How do you ladies do it? How do you cope 24/7 and not just want to run away?


Short answer: I don't.


Long answer:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2002
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 3:05pm

Thanks, ladies. I appreciate the pep talks and the support. I had hoped after some sleep I would feel more positive, but honestly I'm about ready to pack my bags and leave - taking the kids both with me. DH came home last night and I told him I'd had really bad day with DS and he told me to quit whining. That taking care of the kids is my job and if I dont' like it I should go find a regular job but he doesn't want to hear about it - that he doesn't come home and complain about his coworkers. Then he told me he was going to play golf this morning - and he did. Came home and laid on the couch. I've just had it. His family can call and need help with something trivial and he'll drop everything and run to help. His mom will call and complain about stupid stuff and he'll listen for hours. But God forbid I should need to vent a little. We got into it again today and he told me that DS's PDD is irrelevant - that it doesn't affect his behavior at all and I'm just imcompetent and using the PDD as a crutch. He told me to just leave and leave DS there and he would get a nanny to raise him who would do a better job and not complain. He just has no idea what the days can be like and I obviously can't make him understand. I don't want to ramble about my marital woes - I just wanted to thank you all for letting me vent and not judging me.

Trish

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 3:42pm

{{{Trish}}} My gosh, I really feel for you. Is there anyway that you two can get into some counseling to where the therapist knows about Autism?

Sometimes (I hate to say this) but our husbands fall on death ears with us, but when someone else can represent the same info to them, then for some reason they listen. UGH I hate that, but it does happen.

Good luck sweetie, and don't worry about anyone here judging you. It just won't happen okay? If you can't get into any therapy with him, please go for yourself. You need someone in person to acknowledge your feelings and help you cope with this stress.

Lainie