Inlaws don't want son
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| Mon, 05-21-2007 - 10:40am |
First I have to thank Nora and Christine for brightening my morning. Those nice stories really helped to begin to turn around my mood.
But I am so angry at my inlaws I could spit. Some of the poor folks here were chatting with me when they called and got the blunt of my rage but it is back this am.
DH and I have had plans for months to go to DC next weekend. We asked the folks way in advance to split up the kids and watch them for us. My Inlaws said they would take either group of kids and even last weekend were talking to my mom about switching 1/2 way through the weekend so everyone got time to spend with everyone else. I planned on them having Mike and Emily first since Cait has tons of activities right now and my mom lives close to her school and knows the schedule. I don't know if the inlaws clearly heard who was getting who. They often don't hear when you talk to them at all and then claim you never told them. You have to make a big, very clear, announcement on everything.
Well last night my inlaws call to get details and ask who they are getting and they drop the bomb on me. They don't think they can handle Mike for the weekend. They don't want him over. I am so pissed I could spit nails. I already told Mike he is going there. HOW THE HECK do I explain this one to him?
Then they drop another bomb, MIL has some talk AGAIN (religous thing) on Sunday afternoon so they are dropping their kids off at my moms for her to watch until we get home. My mom was planning on picking us up from the airport but she doesn't have room in her car if she has all 4 kids. So now DH and I have to drive to the airport and leave our car in long term parking.
They do this crap ALL THE DANG TIME which is why we never go anywhere. It is not fair to try and get my mom to watch all 4 for that long but she is the only one who can watch or will watch my kids. She is THE ONLY one obviously who can take Mike (and I am so glad I have her for this, before she moved here 3 years ago there was no one).
Here is the difference, my mom watches my kids every time i have a class or IEP meeting. Often just takes one of them overnight because she wants too but always makes sure to take every one of them one night if she takes one. She offered to drive us to the airport, feed and take out my dogs AND watch the kids for the weekend. My inlaws can only handle the 2 easiest and only for part of the weekend.
Ok, enough ranting I guess. They always make off like I don't let them see their grandkids but the only one they ever WANT to see is Emily. They will sometimes (rarely) offer take Dave or Cait in addition to Emily but never Mike. They tell me they will help out but always back out last minute when I ask them to babysit. Some religous thing always comes up or they are too tired that day. This is even for things like IEP meetings or class. And they wonder why my mom sees them more.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr
Renee


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OMFG Renee! I am so incredibly sorry you're going through this. I don't suppose there's any chance that DH will tear his folks the new oriface they deserve? Probably not...but my DH wouldn't do it either.
I honestly could've have typed the exact same story. We get the same crap from my inlaws all the time. Part of the anger, for me, comes from the hurt of knowing that they no matter what they say, they really don't love our spectrum children as much as they do their "normal" grandchildren. They never want to help with our kids, and if they want to spend time with them, it's only on their agenda...never to help us out, because they've ALWAYS got some "church" activitity that is more important than our family. See, it doesn't work that way with SIL's family because they all belong to the same church! Of course, they keep the other grandchildren at least twice a week, but hey...since they're babysitting for one of their church activities, the flagrant favortism is acceptable.
They actually did it again yesterday. It was supposed to be Emma's "special day with Grandma" to celebrate her birthday (which was on May 1st, mind you) but lo and behold SIL's kids show up. So much for Emma getting her one-on-one time with grandma, huh???
Oh man Renee, I'm sorry...your Inlaws rant pushed me over the edge with my rant as well. I apologize, I didn't mean to hijack your thread!
(((((Renee)))))
Amy
{{{{HUGS}}}}
I can't imagine. Poor Mike, he has got to see the favoritism there doesn't he? How would you explain that to him? It is NOT fair. I didn't speak to my mom for a couple of years because I called her on showing favoritism with her step grand-kids and how my youngest thought she loved the step grandson more than him so I feel sooooooooooo bad for Mike.
I do hope everything works out for you Renee. Thank goodness you have your mother and you are right, she shouldn't have to take on everything and your mom sounds like a wonderful woman! :-)
I'm sorry that you have sucky in-laws.
I hope everything works out and your trip is wonderful, in spite of them.
{{{renee}}}
I wish I could clunk your in-laws over the head, and give them a smart pill. Maybe dh will say something on mikes behalf? Or heck, let dh talk to mike about this. Take some pressure off your back.
Jaysus Renee, family sucks!!!
My inlaws are in denial about all their grandkids anyway, we have to take the kids to them, they will never travel anywhere anymore; Florida is definitely their waiting room for God, kwim?
However my Da is a divil for favoritism....really struggles with Liam and until very recently it was obvious Cian was/is his favorite. Then Cian's spectrum flrtations have begun to blossom so now he's not so sure, lol. I have to give kudos to my Mam; it could be so easy to play favorites and if she has any, I don't know of it. I'm sure he granddaughter may tip her over the edge, lol.
(((Hugs)))
Dee
(((Renee)))That is so sad and must be very, very frustrating for you. I hope that someday your dh will be able to explain to your in-laws exactly how hurtful their behavior is. I can only imagine how hard it must be to try to smooth things over with Mike without telling him exactly what the problem is. My heart goes out to you and your whole family having to deal with this situation.
Amy~Natalie & Lily's mom
Oh sweetie I am so sorry about the inlaws.
I personally have NO use for mine either. Heck my MIL is WORTHLESS and doesn't understand Adam's autism (She's ignorant and was an immigrant from Mexico and can't even read go figure). My SIL who lives in VA who barely sees us and Adam HATES her.
To drop that bomb on you.............I wanna spit for you. Are you still gonna go? Are you guys out money?
To say they can't handel Mike? (wtf) He can't help who he is. That is what got me sick on the stomache over here.
I wish to GOd you lived closer, I'd take ANY of the kiddies from this board.
I hope this will work itself out.
((hugs))
Nora
http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s225/irishwildrose/pp2.jpg
Dear Renee,
(((((((HUGS)))))))
Well, if you are actually keeping your mouth shut about this, you have alot more restraint than I would. Is there anyone else who can take the 2 easy ones? I would be so tempted to say "Never mind under those terms and by the way, I am furious for this blatant disregard for us and your grandson's feelings! I've had it."
If this were me, I think I'd be finding sleepovers for Emily and Dave elsewhere...
Sara
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