Insensitive comment competition!

Avatar for cathby
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Insensitive comment competition!
6
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 9:56pm

This weekend we had all sorts of relatives who were in town for a memorial service over to our home for a BBQ. As we were sitting and watching DS (age 4) in the pool, I told my cousin (who is a psych social worker) that he is PDD (she didn't know because my mom "forgets" to mention little details like DS' dx.).

Her father, my uncle, immediately chimes in with "That's hopeless, right?" I must say I was taken aback. I have never had anyone say anything to me like that.

The good thing is that his DD heard it and hopefully had a few words about tact with him later.

Anyone else have any hum-dingers to share?

Cathy

P.S. Oh! And a runner up: We had to take DS to the emergency room for stitches a few months ago. We told the woman in admitting about the dx. Then, a few moments later, she said or did something wrong (I don't remember what) and said "Gee, whose autistic now?!"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 12:21am

oh, now this is always a fun topic! You did score very high marks for your insensitive comments. I definitely vote uncles near the top.

Had to think for a moment but the best one I have right now is from about 2 years ago actually. Cait wanted to try out for a children's play production. A friend of our's teenage daughter had been in plays with the 2 directors that run all the local kid productions a few times and was helping Cait prepare. It was one of these situations where kids go in and no parents allowed. I was nervous so Janine (friends daughter) told me she would talk to the directors.

Janine goes up and tells the one guy that Cait has "Aspergers" and the guy laughs in near hysterics and says "Ass what? Burgers? what are you kidding?". We were within earshot but fortunately Cait wasn't paying attention. Janine had to shut him up. Tell him it was real and the girl and mom were right over there like she had pointed in the first place.

I should have known then not to let her be in that play. Oh well. Live and learn.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 11:23am

Two come to mind immediately - oops actually three but I'm sure I can come up with others if I think about it for a few minutes.


1) We were at a family party on my X's side when

Pat

Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response. --

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 5:29pm

I thought my insensitive comment was terrible until I read all your posts. People shock me.

I was at a social gathering and a neigbor (acquatinance) asked me how ds's speech was coming along. I started telling her that he was finally making amazing progress with his language, even reading, still had some social concerns though. As I am telling her how much progress he has made, she says "That sounds like autism." I was stunned that someone would say that to me at a social (happy) gathering who barely knew me or my son and of course is completely unqualified to diagnose.

Chrissy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 9:54pm

People ...


Some ignorant comments when I've told people my kid(s) have an autism spectrum disorder:
"Oh, she must be a genius then, huh?"
"Well, he'll grow out of that, won't he?"
"He never acts up for me." (that one was my brother early on in my DS's dx; he gets it now)


Obnoxious things "professionals" have said:
"He doesn't enjoy affection, though.

~ Chelsea
Avatar for njbeachma
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 11:34pm

I've heard many of the usual inconsiderate comments about AS being the new "fad" dx, and the new ADD, which basically meant it was poor parenting. My dad, however, is always good for an ignorant comment. He's a great guy but just terrible with words...really awkward with affection (hmm...AS?). He would often call DS "Mr. Serious" before his dx because his intense focus and preoccupations. But the all-time best comment had nothing to do with DS or autism. DH and I had been trying for about 3 years to conceive a child and after our 2nd failed invitro attempt I called my mom crying. My dad, got on the phone and in an attempt to comfort me said "Why don't you adopt a Korean or Russian child, I hear they're loveable". I nearly died. But I laugh about it now because he wanted so much for me to be happy but felt powerless to help me.

Shelley

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Registered: 12-24-2004
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 11:58pm

Wow! You ladies have some real doozies! I'll add mine to the list:

1) Cassian was about 3 yrs old and having a major meltdown in a bank. I had to stay there because they were making me sign papers to switch our accounts. We had just moved. Cassian kept running out of the bank mgr's office and everyone could see us the whole time because all the offices had 4 glass walls. A middle-aged black man told everyone in the bank over and over how parents these days needed to turn to the Bible to get a good understanding of how to raise their kids. He kept telling everyone that he beat his two boys so they wouldn't act the way Cassian was acting, and he kept announcing to anyone who would listen that a good beating was what I needed to inflict on my son. When I finally left the bank, I sat in the car and cried bitterly, then called DH to tell him that I was never leaving the house with our child again.

2) MIL kept asking if we were exposing Cassian to other children, and she originally insisted that social isolation was the reason that he did not develop good play skills. At the time, I was taking him to 3 or more playgroups a week, a Kindermusik class, and visiting friends with same-age kids quite often.

3) MIL said to leave Cassian with her and she could teach him to spit (something he wasn't doing when I brushed his teeth). Cassian was about 18 mos old and had almost no joint attention. I brought her a bowl to spit in and told her to knock herself out with the task. I watched, and she could never even get eye contact from him. He completely ignored her and stimmed on his reflection in the mirror. She gave up after 2 mins, and never again said she could teach him anything better than I could. Let's not forget that she has a GED and never in her life worked in a child-related job.

4) A nurse practitioner remarked that Cassian (age 2) must be remembering what he had heard read to him, when he read the text from a children's book in her office. She thought he was not really reading, until I pointed him to a poster of the ear, and he read several words there, like, inner ear, ear drum, and cochlea (pronounced by him with a "ch" sound in the middle). He also read her name tag and a sign that told you where to dispose of waste. The nurse's jaw dropped.

5) The aide at Cassian's school 2 yrs ago told me that he would probably potty train if I just took him to pick out underwear that he liked at Walmart. We had been working on toilet training for 1.5 yrs at this point.

6) Last year's teacher told me that she thought Cassian at age 5 had Hystrionic Personality Disorder as a comorbid diagnosis. Last time I checked, you need to be a lot older and have a pretty well developed theory of mind before they give you that label.

Suzi