It doesn't make me a bad mom, right?
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It doesn't make me a bad mom, right?
| Sun, 10-14-2007 - 3:07pm |
I'm in the beginning stages of planning a birthday party for Emma, who will be 6.
| Sun, 10-14-2007 - 3:07pm |
I'm in the beginning stages of planning a birthday party for Emma, who will be 6.
We never do friends parties and actually it works out much better for us. Ok, big gasp....we never do parties AT ALL. The kids get one for first communion which is overstimulating enough.
Birthdays can be special without parties. Parties are more what society puts on us then what is actually required for a happy birthday. My kids LOVE theirs.
This is what we typically do:
1) Mom (and dad if he can swing it) picks the birthday kid up from school for lunch for a special lunch date then back to school.
2) The weekend before or after we go somewhere as a family special to the birthday kids choosing. This can be anything; the zoo, a movies, one of those family fun centers, chuck E. cheese, bowling, etc. A family event special for them.
3) Their birthday night I either make a special dinner (of their choosing) or we take the birthday kid out for dinner with the family.
4) I bake a special cake. I have found it is really easy to make cakes which take teh shape of favored obsessions. It doesn't have to be perfect or artistic, my kids just love that it was something special done for them. They plan months in advance what they want their cake to be. I have done everything for Mount Doom (Lord of the rings) to their own guinea pig.
5) They get one gift from mom and dad. Usually I can spend a bit more on the gift since we didn't do a party but it still isn't a huge thing, usually less than $100.
Often their grandparents take them out for a date too and get them a gift. Extends the birthday for a long time, lol. THey love it.
Last year was a tough time for Mike and he couldn't even handle going out anywhere as a family so the weekend before his birthday we ditched the other kids off in various places and took mike to find a used game station and a bunch of games of a kind he didn't have. He had free access all weekend to all these new games and game station. (Used gamecube and games <$100 total) He says it was his best birthday ever.
Cait's best birthday ever was when we ditched all the other kids and took her to a play. Just her dad, her and I. We did dinner and a play. Cait LOVES theater.
Having a good birthday when you have an ASD kid doesn't mean having the same kind as every other kid. It means doing something special for them that they will enjoy.
Renee
My 9 y.o. had his first and only birthday party at age 8.
Oh no, it does not make you a bad mom. Please don't feel guilty.
However, having said that, I feel guilt myself over these things, but shouldn't. My mother-in-law always had a family birthday party for my daughter at her house with just the immediate family. But she died this year. I feel guilty because some other family members have big parties for their kids and other family members have family parties, but we haven't had a party for her yet. And she doesn't ask for one. She isn't into it too much. She likes the presents though.
I like the idea of having her do something she enjoys for her birthday like going to an amusement park or bowling or something like that instead of getting tons of presents at a party and she already has loads of stuff.
But no, you are not a bad mommy. Everyone is different. We live in a small apartment and can't have a birthday here or pay to go out and invite others. She doesn't have many friends at all either. I grew up only having real immediate family at my parties.
Hi!
No guilt necessary!
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Christine
Don't feel guilty. Usually we just do family parties too. Last year we did family and friends......and I have great photos of Chad plugging his ears and screaming as we sung Happy Birthday...guess it was a little too much. That was his 5th party.
Don't feel bad!
We did a couple of small (3 friend) b-day parties for our oldest 2 NT children when they were preschoolers because it was the thing to do. I hated them, the birthday child didn't enjoy them, the birthday child was awful and overwhelmed. I quit doing them. We now have a small b-day party for each child when they turn 5. We also do a larger party when they turn 10. Our son Weston (ASD) had his first party when he turned 9, he couldn't handle it when he was 5. He didn't want a party when he turned 10. I think he's done w/ parties, he'd rather get to do something special with Mom and Dad or w/ the family.
Betsy
Of course it doesn't make you a bad mom.