Is it a girl thing???

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Is it a girl thing???
6
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 10:22pm
My dd is almost 3 and dx with PDD-NOS. She is now demonstrating almost age appropriate expressive speech, though quirky speech, but has significant delays in receptive language. One of my most trying issues right now is clothing! She is obsessed with clothes, not the sensory aspects (is not sensitive to fabrics or tags or anything like that) but just what she will wear (a dress, her brother's VBS t-shirt, pajamas...). I try to offer choices but even that doesn't help - she will want to wear the dirty outfit she wore for 2 days straight and perseverate and tantrum about it. She will pick something and then start to fuss for something else. She will take off a dress and cry for a different one. With the receptive language issues I feel like I have no strategies -it seems impossible to negotiate with a child who though has expressive language has no real recipricol/conversational ability. Anyone have anything similar with their young toddler. She is really going through a true "terrible 2" stage and trying to assert autonomy it is just so trying when you can't "reason" at all. She is very fussy and throws a lot of tantrums. I would love some ideas or strategies or just some encouragement that this may pass????
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 1:23am

yes, been there. I don't think it is a girl thing. I do think it is an autistic sensory thing or autistic thing. For some it will be only sweatpants or blue shirts or a certain kind of shoe, etc. For your girl it is dresses that she picked. I say sensory because it is likely that she doesn't like things on her legs and dresses are easier, but it may be an autistic thing where she doesn't like change.

For years Cait went through a stretch pants and t-shirt only phase. I would scour stores for those items for her to wear. It wasn't easy in the winter in new england, let me tell you! Even now they have thier quirks about what they will wear though getting much better. For years cait wouldn't wear jeans. Right now she is in a phase where that is all she will wear and they have to fit a certain way. I have just learned to shop for what they will wear and if I goof sometimes I take a loss and catholic charities gets one of those un used hand-me-downs I used to scoff at. LOL.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 2:50pm

I agree with Renee, It's not a girl thing. Both my kids had their clothing quirks.

Peter went through a phase where he would only wear a red turtleneck. So I went to Gap and bought another 6 of them! Then he became attached to a shirt (red) with a picture of a dog on it. I couldnt' find any more of *them* so I ended up scanning that freaking dog, printing it to a shirt transfer and duplicating it onto several other shirts! It was easier to do that than to deal with the screaming and trantrums in the mornings.

He only wore sneakers hail, rain or shine, and they had to be Converse hi-tops, -preferably green.

Siobhan would FREAK OUT if you put her in a dress, It was my first inkling that she had sensory issues. It was Easter and I put her into a beautiful had-smocked dress that her DGM had sent over from Europe: She took one step and hit the floor like she was being shot at. She wouldn't stand or walk in that dress and tried to rip it off. I tied it again the next week, and she took one look at it; and for the first time ever, she strung two words together: "NO dess". That was that. I still have that never-worn dress. I think I will give it to her daughter.

It was over two years before I got her into a dress or skirt.

The thing which worked best for us, was Occupational Therapy (esp for DD) and time.

Peter is now 7, and he still has his favorite fabrics and styles of clothing (hey, so do I) but he is a bit more flexible about colour and dogs these days.

Siobhan, now 5 will wear anything as long as it is expensive and has special washing instructions (J/K)

-Paula

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sat, 09-17-2005 - 4:58pm

My daughter just turned 3. She has clothes issues, but they aren't always easy to predict. They seem to be a function of temperature and humidity as well as mood. Her hands down preference is nakedness, followed closely by t-shirt and pull-ups. I can generally get her in shorts or one of 2 dresses without a big fight. Most days she'll also also agree to stretch pants if she's cold, but they have to soft. If she puts on jeans she will often strip as soon as my back is turned. And she hates most of of her pajamas, so she sleeps in a t-shirt most nights.

My daughter's language skills are good when she's calm, but there are certainly things which will send her into a unreasoning tantrum. Clothes can be one of those things. In all honesty, the way I handle it is by backing off when I see the tantrum coming. She's my only child and I stay home, so there's almost nothing I have to do that has to be done NOW, so I can afford the luxury of accomadating her quirks and moods. Of course, that may be why the psych we saw said "you have to see a behaviorist right away". lol.

So, I don't know anything. I just wanted to share and sympathize. Right now my child is running around the living room in her pull-up playing with her dinosaurs because she she couldn't handle getting dressed and going to the park with me today.

Mary

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 09-17-2005 - 10:21pm
Wow! Sounds like we are leading parallel lives. My daughter also has expressive speech and can communicate all her whims and strong desires. "Take it off", "Change Diaper", "Jacket, Jacket, Jacket" (an Easter jacket which also serves as a dress now), "Look at my beautiful dress", "beautiful princess"... but when it comes to negotiation - no way! We have pretty much been in survival mode with not a lot of strategies. I, too tend to not push the clothing thing. She's worn the Easter jacket 2 days in a row and went to speech group in it. She looked like an orphan, but that's okay. Sometimes I put her in her crib and let her calm down and then go in with a choice of outfits and sometimes she ends up being more cooperative about putting a certain something on or getting dressed in general. She has the option of going to special needs preschool, the am session (pm would be too much, due to needing a nap), but I am unsure if she would be able to handle the pressure of a tight morning schedule or maybe it would take her mind off of it (the clothes)?? Our psychologist recommended reading The Explosive Child - specifically how the author describes prioritizing what to focus on for behavioral issues (safety issues first, everything else negotiable). It is a good book. She also emphasized that what our daughter is going through (temper tantrums) is normal toddler behavior but exaggerated due to sensory processing issues and language issues. It sounds like from other parent's input that the clothing thing seems to be best handled by compromise and just getting through it. You are in my thoughts!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 5:40pm

Oh my daugther has looked like an orphan many many times. lol. A boy orphan. I have to keep her hair pretty short because she won't let me brush it (or put barrets in it). It's really thick thanks to her medication, so it gets ratty pretty quick. And she'd rather wear her dinosaur shirt or a striped t-shirt that she calls the "Ernie shirt" than anything else. On any given day I could easily qualify for a "slacker mom of the year" award. It's funny because I had these strange dreams of dressing my little girl in smart little outfits that I'd knit accessories for. Sometimes I crack myself up.

Have you noticed tantrums getting worse as she approaches 3? Starting at 2.5 they just started to build in frequency, length, and intensity. Now we have them like the one at the store Friday. She apparently wanted me to buy small (fingerling) bananas, and bought big (normal) bananas. I didn't realize that until later though. To make a long, embarrassing story short we sat in the parking lot, on the ground, for 40 minutes while I held (read restrained lovingly) and rocked her. She was too out of control to even force into her car seat.

When I told my mom about it she told me "all 3 year olds do that". I don't even know if that's true. My friends' kids seem redirectable, but I might be just witnessing their "good" days.

Mary

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 11:03pm
Once again all I can say is WOW - they are so, so much alike!! Yes, the temper tantrums have gotten worse, my daughter's seemed to worsen a little later than 2.5, it was just in like July that it hit out of control (she'll be 3 in Oct). The number of tantrums increased, the intensity increased, the aggressiveness increased (collapsing on the floor and banging her head - breaks my heart everytime) everything about it got worse. One day I think she had 8 tantrums - one at every transition (out the door, into the car seat, into speech class, back into the car seat, on and on the whole day)- that day I ended up in tears. We had a horrible one in a store, I am not sure quite why (maybe because we left "bunny" in the car??)but I left marks on her body from having to squeeze so tight to prevent her from jumping out of the shopping cart. It went on for 20-30 minutes and everyone was looking at me, their eyes following me the whole time we shopped. And of course she had also been throwing things out of the cart. It was awful. When I told our psychologist about that she said to stop bringing her out when I actually had to get things done (like food shop or something), if it was going to be leisurely or just a couple things go for it. But she thinks she is just processing a lot more, but not integrating it and can't cope with the stress. So I have been trying to do that (have my husband go to the store or go alone). It's been better. My mom has been saying stuff like that too - that's normal, yadayadayada and even worse - "she's just testing you" - I hated that one. I think temper tantrums are typical at that age and asserting oneself, developing automony but I have an older child who doesn't have any issues (no language issues, sensory processing issues, etc) and there is a huge difference. With my son there was some negotiation - "If, then", and understanding "First, next". I had strategies. With my daughter I feel I have no strategies except to manage and muddle through. I try to pack lollipops at all times (how is that for a strategy!) and I try to stay calm under the pressure, sometimes it is really hard, I think I cry a lot about it. Does your daughter also have good expressive language skills, but poor receptive? My daughter functions/tests about age appropriate with expressive language - though quirky - but is very low, low in receptive. She also has low muscle tone, gross motor delays, and some mild delays in other areas. She also has major gravitational insecurity. Anyway, it has been good to talk to you. I'd like to hear more about you and your daughter. I don't know a lot of people with girls on the spectrum. My daughter has a dx of PDD-NOS.