Is it just me....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2007
Is it just me....
8
Sun, 06-10-2007 - 11:53pm

I have been 'puter hoppin' for the last few hours. Dh has been upstairs channel hoppin', but I dunno....I guess I'm avoiding him. I just have NOTHINg to say to his aspieness at all. When I do try to start a meaningful conversation it usually gets shut down or ignored. Lately he's been moodier than ususal and I put it doehn to being off work (teacher) and having nothing to distract him....summer job etc. I just could care less being around dh....

I guess we finally hit that impasse in the relationship...perhaps therapy is in order?

Dee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
In reply to: roanmom
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 1:24am

Wait a minute Dee, did we pass this vibe on to one another Friday morning? Because I'm feeling the EXACT same way. I'd rather spit into the wind than deal with the flippin' moodiness of His Highness the King Aspiedom. At Noah's family party today, I wanted to ring his neck twice just to make sure the first time took!!! Usually when my DH gets this way it's because I've been neglecting the "marital bed duties" but then when he gets this way, that's the LAST thing I want to do!

Ugh...sorry, I'm no help...am I???

Amy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
In reply to: roanmom
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 3:36am

Dee, I think it's in the air. His MajAspie has been doing the same sort of stuff lately, after several months of being surprisingly outgoing and nice. We spent the weekend playing Redneck Home Make Over (Hipppy Eddition) with some freinds from Canada. The DH in that family is also an Aspie, and his DW was having the same problems with him. My mom, also an adult Aspie, has been a bit touchy this last week too. But in her case I had just calked it up to the fact that we're in the middle of tearing her hosue down. She said tonight that wasn't it. She's actually elated that we're taking away the Cardboard Box The Bums Wouldn't Live In. She says she was actually feeling better today (and she WAS in a rather more flexable mood).

Oh, and my 12yo Autie was a right down brat today! And this is extremely unusual for her.

Oh! Maybe you should do for your DH what my Mom did for mine to make him lighten up.... give him a kitten. Hard to be a bear when you're holding a month old ball of cuddly fur that refuses to get off your chest. LOL.

~Candes

APOV on Autism

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: roanmom
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 8:35am

I think y'all swiped my dh cuz he sounds exactly the same. It's definitely got to be in the air. I just don't feel like dealing at all with his aspie-ness. I ask him a question, he doesn't answer. I say "why don't you answer me when I ask you a ?, he says "cuz I don't know the answer." Grrr. He also doesn't spend much time with the kiddo and that drives me nuts. Just parks his butt on the recliner and sticks his face in a book. Can ya tell I've got some repressed anger goin' on here...lol.

Jen

 

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: roanmom
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 10:32am

All I can say is Ditto girls.

My DH has been accused of Aspieness which he BLATENTLY denies vehemently. And since that is his specialty area there really is no hope in ever convincing him. BUT for a non-aspie he spent his entire weekend catalogging all his CD's in a computer spread sheet. In alphabetical order. When we first met he had all his tapes catalogged similarly and I thought then that it was weird and he thought it was wise. Whatever. At least now when he gets a new one he can just add it in rather than retype the whole thing.

I do have some input. My therapist has talked to me long and hard on this one. From ways to talk to him to realizing that there are some conversations we just won't have. Changing expectations. That I need to have these conversations but it won't happen with DH like it should because he is completely unable to do so. So I need to find other outlets to meet these needs(my therapist, this board, my friends, etc).

Amy, I hear ya on the marital bed thing. To him our whole relationship lives and dies on this and if I dare not be in the mood once when he requests, then the world is falling apart and he goes all moody and it can last months. Puts one in the mood doesn't it? Fortunately I have some how figured out ways to mostly always be in the mood and there for things are overall better, ROFL! At least I get some fun in the process.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2006
In reply to: roanmom
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 12:12pm
Join the club!! I think our problems started when we moved from Chicago (where dh was born and friends are) to here (Akron, OH) where my family is. Reasons, cheaper cost of living and more family here. Basically we had to. He was excited at first, but I know he misses living in Chicago, but that was 4 years ago, time to move on and start living here! He doesnt golf anymore which he used to LOVE. His cholesterol is high, he takes meds for it which I have stopped reminding him to because I felt like a nag so I think half the time they dont get taken. He doesnt exercise unless you call mowing the lawn once a week. He has a hard time having patience with Nick. I read a ton and try to help him, but it is hard when you both arent on the same page. He has gained weight, I have lost 50 pounds. I eat alot healthier and feel much better about myself and try to encourage, but I dont force him to drink pop at 10:00 at night, we snip all the time at each other. He lets Nick get to him and I dont, and when I do, I let it go. He holds things inside instead of just letting them go. At the end of the day, I take deep breaths and just let the day go and sleep well. I dont know if he can and he needs to learn to do that. I know there is an age difference between us (15 years), but I feel like we are truly from Venus and Pluto lately! Oh, and the marital duties? Riiiight...
Christine

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Christine

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
In reply to: roanmom
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 12:44pm

nope.


It's not just you.

-Paula

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2006
In reply to: roanmom
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 4:43pm

hmmm

maybe be divorced is not so bad afterall.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: roanmom
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 8:47pm

I am from Mass and DH is from Cali. for 7 years we lived in Mass and I got that kind of attitude from DH. We also moved due to financial reasons and it was a good move for both us but I was given the same blame. Even though he was able to get his masters back there and get experience that has helped him gain a high level career.

Thing is, we moved back here to Cali 8 years ago and things didn't change. It didn't get better because we moved back to his digs like he expected it too. The only thing that made a change when when he started seeing a therapist and got medication. He still could improve but he is miles better than he was a year ago.

Renee

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