Is It Possible to Establish A Timeframe?
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 09-04-2007 - 5:50pm |
First, let me apologize to any/all of you who are sick and tired of hearing about the trials and tribulations of Claire vs. 2nd grade. I truly hate being a constant downer, but I really don't have anywhere else to turn.
This summer Claire had a comorbid diagnosis of bipolar disorder added to her autism diagnosis. DH and I agree with the diagnosis...and even though there is a lot of controversy about the subject, we feel certain bipolar is the primary source of her current problems. Yes, she is significantly (though not severely) affected by her autism...but right now, the bipolar is what's causing the problems.
Since school has started, she has had nothing but bad days. Well that's not entirely true. She's had some awful days thrown in there as well. Take today for instance, she screamed and cried virtually non-stop. Up until today, her good natured gen. ed. teacher was able to keep a smile on her face as she reassured me that we were going to get through it. Unfortnately, even she was in tears today. I watched mutiple teachers offering her hugs of comfort because of our daughter. And if THAT doesn't make a mom feel like , nothing will. We're completely out of ideas...and to be honest, Claire simply isn't capable of functioning at school.
DH and I are doing our best to wait out the Rx rollercoaster. But so far, we don't seem to have found anything that even remotely helps our daughter. Because of her cognitive delays, standard behavioral interventions have failed miserably...and we've tried pretty much everything. I mean, honestly, how can you make a child who has no capacity to understand right from wrong understand that there are consequences for her actions? It's to the point where the standard bribe of McD's fries doesn't work. And if THAT won't work, nothing will.
Anyway-to get the heart of my question-is it possible to establish a timeframe on "giving up"? I know that sounds awful but, in my mind, I've set an arbitrary date of October 1st and if things have not improved markedly, we'll pull her out and I'll homeschool. I know that I am in no way well suited to homeschool, but I also know that there are no other "more appropriate" placement options in this district.
I've called an IEP meeting, but gawd only knows how long it'll be before it actually happens...but my guess is that it'll happen right before my "arbitrary date" rolls around.
Advice please?
TIA
Amy


Pages
Believe it or not, things got even worse today...well, not so much for Claire as she had a better day...but for me. I'm copying and pasting the start of a message I'm preparing to send to her teacher. It explains what the situation is...I'm trying not to get overly upset, but it's really hard right now. Evidently the advice the classroom teacher was given was provided by the autism consultant! HOLY CRAP!!! On top of it all, the spec. ed. coordinator (essentially the person is a case manager) stopped me in the hall today to tell me that they've scheduled the IEP I called for THIS FRIDAY at 8:00 a.m. and for some strange reason, no one got notices! Excuse me, but my husband needs a little bit of warning if he's going to reschedule his entire patient load in order to attend an IEP. Chr*st on a crutch, how pathetic can one school district be!!!
Anyway...here's the start to my letter. I consider this teacher a pseudo-friend of mine, as she was Noah's 2nd grade teacher as well. So I'm intentionally trying to keep the message informal in nature.
"I overheard something today that my husband and I are both pretty upset about. Evidently one of the discipline methods that you were advised to utilized involved placing Claire in the corner for a time out for three minutes, and then- if she wasn't "ready yet", subsequent time was added, etc. From what I understand, she spent a significant amount of time "in the corner" yesterday.
Please know that we are in no way upset with you, as you were-undoubtedly-at your wits end and were only doing that which was suggested, but I must tell you that we are vehemently opposed to this type of punishment as we consider placing a child in the corner (in front of her entire class, no less) to be a form of humiliation discipline and it is completely contrary to what we consider acceptable. Claire has a mental disability and we liken this form of disclipine to spanking a child who has a physical disability because he or she happens to spill their lunch tray. When she is in the middle of an meltdown, like the one that occurred yesterday, she needs to feel safe and loved. The school has not provided her with a safe, quiet, chaos-free place where she can calm down and punishing her because the school has failed to provide for her needs, is not only inappropriate, but by our standards, cruel."
I have a lot more to write, but I need to get dinner started soon or we're going to be eating PB&J again.
Amy
Wow, Amy, wow,
No wonder Claire is screaming. WHATTHE???? This comes from the Autism Specialist??? Poor, Claire, poor teacher. Discipline, behavior modification like that will only intisify her chaos and anixety and that poor child will ...
OK I am shuddering over here, but we were up against this sort of ideas IN A SPECIAL NEEDS SCHOOL here in NYC and they refused to budge, refused erfused refused. They made our parenting the problem and, well, hmmmmm. I'm still not over that one, am I!
(((((((HUGS))))))) to you all, and never will we be tired of hearing about what is going on with you all. It's what we are here for. Just know that our kids change so, what worked for Claire when she was younger isn't working now and it is the bane of the school systems how bloomin' HARD they have to work to teach our challenging kids ... but it is their JOB! The law says so. The schools just have to keep learning how.
xoxoxoxoxo
Sara
I can't even begin to express how sorry I am that your family is going through this trauma. New to the board, but with a dual situation. I am a special edcuation teacher, dept. head, parent of an AU child. I just can't get over how much it sounds like you ladies and gents have to deal with in your perspective school districts. I am in TX and let me assure you, if any of your children were on my campus, you wouldn't sound as upset as you all sound.
The first line of defense is to get to know your educational staff at your schools. Know who is considered the AU specialist then meet and discuss your child's strenghts and weaknesses. Keep in constant contact with your sped teacher/case manager and reg. ed. teachers even if it is to just get a feel for his/her attitudes toward your child. No, we don't feel bothered. It is our jobs to communicate with parents (frequently)If, from that point, you are not satisfied with what/who is available on your campus then look to see what the district offers. If no programs seem to fit your child's needs then call an IEP meeting and take along a parent advocate. Let me tell you, when we have a parent with an PA, I know they mean business and I am going out of my way to ensure everyone is happy when we leave the IEP meeting.
I don't know any of you and I haven't been reading the board long enough to know any of your histories but the one point of advice I can give you is this....work together as a team, you and the educational staff. I know at my school, I want my parents as involved as possible. I invite their suggestions and comments. We need to know what works and what doesn't work for your child and there is no shame in going to ARD (TX term) several times over the course of the year if needed to address your student's needs.
As to the point of the district paying for outside services, yes that can be the case but, you as the parent have to prove that the district does NOT offer something that would benefit your child within the district. Often very hard and time consuming to do. My mother in law always says "you get more bees with honey than with vinegar" Hokey, I know, but if you collaborate with your school and district rather than fight against them then you might get more than you thought you could. Best of luck to you.
Ahh Ann Marie, it pains me to tell you that over the summer my DH turned down not one, but two jobs in TX, two jobs in NC, one job in GA and one job in IA. We are still planning on getting the heck out of Illinois ASAP and we will be leaving because of the pathetic state of the educational system in our state.
The bit of background that you're unaware of is that I am, as of this year, a 1:1 for a first grader with autism...in the same school as our three children. Since our oldest child is now a 4th grader with Asperger's, I'm very well acquainted with all of the various school personnel- the "autism specialist" in particular since I deal with this individual regarding both of our spectrum kids and the student I'm assigned to. I think that's why I was so appalled at her 'advice'. Our daughter has a co-morbid Dx of bipolar disorder and as soon as the school year started I made sure each and every person who needed to be made aware of this, was. How in the world they can justify sticking her in a corner (literally) for what I understand was close to 45 minutes, is beyond me.
I'm going to post the final letter to the teacher in a new thread. All in all, DH and I are pretty proud of it. We're certainly not attacking the teacher...she was the helpless pawn in all of this. But I think she'll feel obligated to forward this to the other interested party and they will understand that we mean business.
I've already gotten the reputation as being a "sh*t stirrer" because I refused to follow a direct request by the principal because I knew it was contrary to the IEP of the student I'm providing services for. Needless to say, I'm not afraid to be an advocate...not only for our children, but for the child I serve too.
Anyway, I'm glad you're here...and you're making Texas look awful darn appealing right about now. ;-)
Amy
Dear Amy,
This is horrible. I am sorry that you guys are going through this. I don't have anything new to add, except one piece of advice about the letter. Put in the amount of time that she was in the corner. I was appalled enough through the first 14 messages in this thread, but still hadn't understood until the last that she was in the corner for nearly 45 minutes. That would be too long even if it were a consequence delivered without humiliation for an action she knew she was doing, in my opinion.
I agree with the other posters, providing an appropriate education is what the school is there for, even if it means that they don't already have an appropriate classroom for her. They may have to establish a new program, or they may have to send her to another district, but they must provide something. The school can't force you to homeschool.
About the Friday IEP meeting: They can't have one if it is not a good time for you. However, this is an emergency. Every day has been a bad day. I think that the meeting to make at least some interim changes should be very soon. If you think that Claire's IEP is more or less appropriate, and the problem is that it needs to be followed, then that is more of a compliance complaint than an IEP meeting. But if she needs a radically different plan, she needs it asap.
Hugs to you and Claire.
-Sidney
Dear Ann-Marie,
Your students on your campus are very lucky indeed, and I know there are other pockets of educational sanity in school districts around the country, but having heard many stories of families in other parts of TX who are having the same problems we are here in NYC ... well, I think it is district by district and school by school. That is what makes it so hard for us.
We have found that dealing with honey here gets us more empty promises, beaurocratic nightmares and years more untoward difficulty for a child who already struggles with being in the world. And we personally know many other parents with similar stories. We have spent countless hours in meetings, friendly, sharing meetings, not adversarial ... trusting what professionals are saying will happen, then having the bomb drop on us again. Hence our personal decision finally to homeschool rather than subject him and us to years and years of inappropriate education, where teachers don't understand what causes difficulties for him, react inappropriately and further accelerate the problem. (Such as sitting a child in a corner for up to 45 minutes.)
I am not saying your advice is invalid. It is in fact great advice! BUT ... and sadly this is a big but ... many school districts are underfunded, overworked, uneducated, staffed with people who have too big of case loads or are too inexperienced.
Because of my own experience, I always need to be careful advising a parent of a younger child. I do advise them to go into starting their child in school expecting the best. I do advise them to prepare with as much information about their child, ie. evals, preschool therapies, etc. so they can explain the needs, strengths and weaknesses of their child as best as possible. But I don't want people to trust blindly the way I did and leave their child in schools and with staff that cannot teach them. Our son changed programs 3 times between ages 5 and almost 9, and we are just happy at this point that he is well and flourishing now that we are homeschooling.
It is a right to have a public school education for our son, and I am angered by paying taxes and then having to pay again for curriculum, etc. But my son's well-being comes first and foremost. And that of my family. And I never, ever wanted to fight.
Sara
Dear ilovemalcom,
Your points made all have validity. Everyone's experience is unique just is every child's situation. I too have a child who is AU-PDD/NOS and we are managing our way around the school system to make sure my son is in the best possible placement. It is like Alice and the looking glass. Everything is different when it pertains to your child and you. I can't say much for NYC or the district since I've never been but, Federal Law states your child is entitled to FAPE, regardless of what the school district is up against. The problem lies oftentimes with what we see as appropriate for our individual child and the district does not share the same idea of what is "appropriate". Hence, the frustration and ultimately rage/disillusionment toward staff and district.
I have found over the years, the parent that comes to the school district with knowledge about other programs that have worked for AU children (AKA Knowlegde based instruction), parent advocates and a willingness to work with and follow through get the best of the educational process. Just as I stated before and any parent of a special needs child knows, what worked for one child will not guarantee it will work for your child. Constant monitoring and tweaking is needed to ensure the child is successful. I'm glad you are happy with homeschooling and your son is thriving which is ultimately everyone's goal. Correct? Having said that, I feel terrible that you are the only one taking responsibility for the education of your son. I suppose there is no solution between you and the district to service your son? I would continue to ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask and again ask for what I want for my child, as long as it is reasonable and can be implemented in the school setting. The squeaky wheel does get the oil.
Pages