It starts

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
It starts
20
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 6:48pm

Mike got a citizenship report for hitting a girl at school today. Hard enough that she was bawling. Basically unprovoked. According to him she was "annoying" him and he really has NO concept of his part in this or any remorse. He is mad because he has lost electronics but no remorse. I don't think he gets it. There still has to be a consequence and follow through on this. General house rule, hitting=losing priveldges.

He got this stimmy flashy light magnet thing at school today for a prize (for turning in PTA envelop) before the incident and that is all that has his interest. So flipping frustrating.

I have a feeling that we are going to have to revisit the mainstreaming thing or in other words, revisiting whether or not he can function in mainstreaming. He has been steadily getting worse for the past 3-4 weeks. Even at home. I can't even get him to focus for a milisecond and last week it was spending over 2-3 hours just trying to get him focussed and finish 30 minutes worth of homework that he did fine before.

He goes to the psych on wednesday and may go back on meds.

Yipee

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 6:50am

oh Man.


I think we both knew it was too good to last.

-Paula

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 8:50am

I find that when the behavior deteriorates at school, then it's difficult at home too. My DS hit the girl in PE because she was looking at him. No remorse. What really happened is that some NT boy said something to him while playing tag. I don't think my son understood that kid's intentions for talking to him. The girl was there and "looking". So, he punched her before anyone saw it coming.

If I come down hard on him at home for something he does at school, everything gets worse. It's hard. I have to find a way for him to have fun at home even though he was "bad" at school or things get worse and worse. My son likes mopping floors, so that's one fun punishment thing I have him do when he gets in trouble at school.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2005
In reply to: rbear4
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 8:58am

Well, I was a hellion before and after the appendix came out at 13; think I may have put a large hole in that theory;) lol


I know Mike had a bad reaction to straight ritilin (as did Liam), but we have seen miracles occurring since we took the plunge with adderall xr.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 10:07am

Renee,

I'm sorry Mike is having a tough time. HUGS

Samantha

Samantha
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 10:45am

your so funny. Apendix vs no. lol

The changes are more mainstream time (we both know where this has gone before) and triennial testing. Those are enough to send him into tailspins. I had hoped he had made enough progress in the past couple years that he could handle it better this time with support but I am starting to think maybe not.

I keep hoping we are at the bottom of it and he will even out soon and start to really progress again. Sometimes you have to challenge yourself and do things that are hard to grow. This is the point I was hoping we were at with him but, well, maybe not. That is the bummer.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 10:54am

In the past and in general we have separated school from home. I support the school but I don't usually punish at home as well. My rule is as long as you try your best at school then no worries. So when he has gotten into meltdown mode or overstimulated and it is out of his control we don't punish at home.

However, about a year ago my DH and I decided after talking to Mike's therapist that it was time to follow through at least on aggression. Unfortunately, AS or not if he hits as an adult he will go to jail. So this is of the ultimate importance for me that he learns self control. Electronics are the ONLY thing that makes a difference to him. Ok maybe legos too. So the rule is any aggression at school ends up with a consequence at home. Even in a meltdown. Mike can control himself well enough in a meltdown not to hit if he really doesn't want to. He can scream, kick anything else, etc but he cannot hurt people. Mom's one big rule.

He had a huge meltdown that was dangerous about 6 months ago. To the point he threw a big rock at me after I had been restraining him for 40 minutes. It was his first meltdown to that extreme in 1 1/2 years. I explained to him after that meltdown that those behaviors are dangerous and NEVER ok. If he became that big of a danger to himself or others again I would bring him to a hospital where he would likely be put on medication to help him control himself. I told him that it was up to him. He needed to find a way with me to help him control his brain to at least stay safe.

It is a big thing to put on a kid but he is nearly 10 and he has to be a part of his decisions and his life. I find that if he knows the expectations and consequences he does much better and he can do it. Takes a WHOLE LOT of work but he can. He has too. I don't want to visit him in jail or psych hospital as an adult. This is the time I have to teach him how to control himself and be independent.

Typically I very much agree with you because home needs to be a safe place. But this one behavior is something that I do feel I have to follow through on.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 11:24am
That's interesting that the testing disturbs him. My son has the same problems. Currently, they are doing an early re-evaluation of him and I'm also taking him to a private psychologist for testing. The testing disturbs him to no end.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
In reply to: rbear4
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 1:25pm

I don't think I can say anything that hasn't already been said.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 3:00pm

sending you and Mike cyberhugs

hang in there,
Christie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 6:37pm

Here's wishing I could send you a month's worth of wine over the cyberwaves. (((Renee)))

Amy

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