It's Joey's 3rd birthday...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2005
It's Joey's 3rd birthday...
6
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 9:49pm

and he won't let us do anything.

In our home, birthdays are a big thing. Each child(we have 5) has the day for them. With Joey, he won't let us light the candles on the cake, he won't eat the cake and when nanny phoned to say Happy Birthday, he freaked out because she sang to him.(He will only listen to mommy sing and if he has to listen to someone else, it has to be itsy bitsy spider) I know that he is 'different' but it has really hit me this year because everyone keeps asking me what he wants and what we are doing. We knew we'd keep it low key because of all the things that bother him, but I honestly thought he would accept us having cake and ice cream.

I don't know what to think and am sad because of it all.

Sigh
Stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2001
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 10:42pm
Happy Birthday Joey!! (but dont tell him I said that )

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2005
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 12:21am
((((HUGS))))
That's a tough one because on one hand you want to make a big deal of it because it's his birthday but on the other hand you have to respect what he wants. Don't worry there is always next year but in the mean time HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOEY!
Teresa
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 7:59am

Dear Stacy,

yes, I can understand your wishing to do for him as you do for your other kids. But of course you will not want his special day to cause him great discomfort! Large, noisy gatherings, candles can be very frightening, all those voices coming rom different directions and often in different keys, PAINFUL! Does he usually like cake and ice cream on other days? Does he like to swim -- this has always been a godsend for us. We had several parties when ds was little around swimming pools -- although at the time we didn't know anything unusual about him and then he did great, we did this because we were inviting disparate ages and pools are a super equalizer.

Just to say that my ds has built up a huge LOVE of birthday parties now, and he is 9. He loves the ritual, the cake, the singing. We know other kids who never have learned to like them, though, I do think sensory has so much to do with this.

You are just so right to honor his needs and desires, though. Many people don't, and I think that is so sad, trying to "push" a child like ours to like something that actually causes them extreme discomfort. Doesn't work that way...

((((HUGS)))) to you. And (shhh) (((((happy birthday, Joey...)))))

Sara
ilovemalcolm

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2005
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 9:44am

Give it time. At 3, my son didn't like the whole b-day thing either..he was a very picky eater then and wouldn't touch cake or ice cream, the singing freaked him out (and this was just a few family members), and he didn't understand how to blow out the candles. So for the next 2 years, we kept b-days low key. He's 7 now, and we just had a party for him this year and he loved it. Now granted, it was just a family party (mom and dad, grands, a few aunts, uncles and cousins) and it was at our house, but we did sing to him and do the cake and presents..and now he understands it and really liked it. Your son may never really enjoy a big party with a bunch of kids, but he may warm up to some of the more typical b-day stuff.. it just may take him a bit longer.

HTH

Kate

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 11:56am

That is a sad thing for a mom. My kids don't have typical birthdays anymore either. They would like parties now (well all but Mike) but they are so hard and often disasters. We changed our celebration of birthdays. No reason it has to be the traditional birthday.

I hope you are feeling better. If you still feel the need to celebrate his birthday what is his favorite thing to do. Is there anything he enjoys like swimming, the park, seeing planes? Perhaps a family trip to do that or a 1:1 date with mom to do that.

The kids are good with cakes now and Mike will even let me sing happy birthday 1 time with the cake but that is it. I make them a cake and dinner of thier choice and we have a family outing of thier choice and they get a gift. That is it. No big party. Not even a family party. My inlaws are getting used to the idea.

Renee

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Registered: 02-12-2005
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 8:33pm

Thank you so much everyone!!

Joey and I went to the local water runoff with daddy and we fed the geese that live there. He loves to do that and daddy doesn't usually want to go for the walk because Joey doesn't listen, but he went with us and we had a great time! Joey even tried to feed the geese. Usually he just drops the bread on the ground and squeals because the parent birds are as big as he is and he's scared when they walk too close to him. He let them get almost 2 feet away before he started to get upset and walk away!!! Yah Joey!!

Thank you again!
Stacy