"It's just a phase"
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| Mon, 08-08-2005 - 12:24am |
Do you hear that a lot? Did you hear that early on? I haven't discussed many of my concerns about my nearly 3 year old daughter with anyone except my husband/her daddy. However, when I do try to ask one of those "is this normal?" questions of someone (like my mother) I always get "It's just a phase. She's fine!" She can't fall asleep unless she's under a piece of furniture...It's just a phase. She cannot whisper...It's just a phase. She throws about 40 tantrums a day...It's just a phase. She has not yet managed to successfully complete a two step direction....She's only 3! She repeats everything I say...Phase. Spent more than 3 months being a dog...PHASE. Still barks at strangers...phase. Unbreakable rituals?....You're too accomodating of her. Just say no. Did I mention the tantrums? They are REALLY loud.
Now, I'll grant you I'm a first time mom and I know way less about early childhood behavior than I do about Unix. Maybe I'm just hyper sensitive and prone to over-analysis (actually, that's not even a maybe. I am). However, I see her with other children. I'm not raising her in a vaccuum. She has regular playmates, and we do community activities. My daughter just behaves...differently. I just want to give her what she needs to be happy and successful.
Still, my parents (for one) are really defensive on her behalf and are somehow upset that I'm even planning on having her evaluated in early September. I'm not even sure what I'll tell them if we get a diagnosis.
Mary

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Actually, I've been thinking of going the other way with my parents...Not giving them information. There are several reasons for that, but the most important is that it will make life easier for me. They live 1500 miles away and only see my daughter a couple times a year for a few days at a time. I think avoiding the subject until she's old enough that any problems are more obvioius will help me. Of course then I'll have to hear how I'm ruining my child with poor parenting, but I can give them the eval to read...
I understand what you are saying about grieving. It is advice that I've given to people who contact me concerning my child's other special need (endocrine prob). However, there are a lot of issues with my parents.
Mary
My sister has dealt with this sort of thing often in her small town. Her son has been identified as ADD by the school district, but my sis disagreed with that. Some of his teachers (and the principal) believe she's just a horrible parent, and others just lament that she isn't getting him the help he needs because she refuses to put him on Ritalin. The school has offered no other, more helpful, option.
Mary
Yep that is exactly what they did- he was labeled ADHD and I would not try meds. Of course I tried meds in 4th grade and they only made things worse, so we stopped those. Finally, I took him to an outside phychologist and got the dx of AS. Then I threw it up to in their faces-I have never seen so many jaws drop at once.
Tell your sister to get him evaluated by an outside phycholist or neurologist.
Liza
How did the homeschooling go? I've always planned on homeschooling my daughter and I've been wondering lately if that was still the best plan.
Mary
Sometimes not giving people info. they are not yet ready to hear is part of accepting where they are at that time. I totally agree with you. I am all for whatever makes it easier for you to cope.
Chrissy
Even after Mike's diagnosis was changed from ADHD to AS and we had tried over 4 years of all kinds of ADHD meds, we had one teacher who insisted that I just didn't want him to get better because I wasn't giving him concerta. She finally bullies me into it and he did "better" in school in her POV because he wasn't talking out. But over a couple weeks he became so horribly angry, aggressive and withdrawn it was scary.
Dave is diagnosed ADHD, but on ritalin he had absense seizures. Otherwise it worked well for him. None caught on EEG, but enough of them view by enough people that I know for sure that is what it was. He also had an abnormal EEG. The neuro's nurse practioner though tells me becuase she can't figure out what is wrong to give him a different ADHD med that may cause the seizures again. When I questioned it she said 'Well if he starts having seizures again we can get them on EEG this time and figure out what seizure med to give him". HELLO!!! How bout NOT giving him the med that causes the seizures in the first place.
Sure it would be easier right now for me to give Dave meds or if there was a med that worked for Mike, but thier isn't. Thier brains are wired the way they are wired.
Darned if you do and darned if you don't. you give meds and you are 'drugging your kid" if you don't then you are "neglecting them" or in denial.
YEESH
(hit a touchy spot there, lol)
Renee
Actually, we stopped giving information for a number of years to my inlaws. Just couldn't take it anymore. They were even in denial about my classically autistic nephew for a while. Now my MIL is all into getting an autism awareness bracelet.
I understand your POV and for now it may be best. Honestly, I have not told them anything about David even at this point. We have been taking him to neurologists and testing since he was 2. He has an IEP and a diagnosis (ADHD/PDD-NOS) but even the psychologist who diagnosed him questions the PDD part. Maybe when we know for sure and his needs are more obvious to them, then I will share. Otherwise, he is a very smart cookie and mostly blends. Just very spirited and I am a bad mom.
As for homeschooling, I only did it 2 times and each was for the end of the school year. About a month or 2. She had switched to that school mid year so we only had to deal with "Lovie" for a little bit. It was alot of work with her, but I was able to make it work for that time. I may end up homeschooling her again if middle school doesn't work out, which it might not. If I do again, that is the last time. We won't be going back to public school again.
Homeschooling for me is a bit of a challenge. See I have 4 kids all with thier own different needs. 3 are on an IEP and the 4th may be by the time she is in upper elementary. She appears to have mild LD's. And thier particular personalities and my own ADHD would make it very hard. It was for that one month.
Some have done it that I know successfully. I have one dear friend who homeschools all her kids including one with classic kanner's autism and one with AS. Another friend who uses a parttime homeschool program (2 days in school, 3 days homeschooled) for her 4 kids - 2 are AS and 1 ADHD. If we did homeschool again it would likely be in a program like this. Homeschooling is not a good option for my 9yo ASD kid and I would likely murder the 5yo (sad to say but he would make me crazy to teach) and the 7yo would likely get lost in the shuffle.
Renee
Edited 8/10/2005 12:31 am ET ET by rbear4
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