Just wondering if anyone could relate (m

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Registered: 08-07-2003
Just wondering if anyone could relate (m
Sun, 10-05-2003 - 3:25pm
My two year old son, Patrick has recently been diagnosed with PDD/mild autism and I think dh and I are dealing with this faily well. We have suspected something was wrong for quite some time and Patrick has had sensory integration issues that were diagnosed last February. We pretty much expected the diagnosis of autism. We have had the "official" diagnosis from the developmental pediatrician for about one month now and over the past couple of weeks, I just keep re-visiting where we were one year ago today. He was developing so normally, and as a preemie, was reaching all of his developmental milestones on time. Over the winter, he was ill and that's when his skills began to decline. We attributed it to his illness. I feel like I'm grieving almost, it's odd. It's painful to be around children his age, and even my one year-old niece, who is beginning to surpass my son in social skills, etc..It's getting to the point where I don't want to be around my own niece...and then I feel guilty. Can anyone relate? I've become so overly sensitive that I cannot take it when someone points out a new skill that she's learned or my two year old nephew has learned. I really feel like it's so hurtful, why can't my relatives figure it out not to point out everything new they have learned...I know it's mostly me and I'm very sensitive right now, but I really don't know how to handle this. Any tips? Oh, I also have an overwhelming desire to have another baby right now which is impossible because my tubes are tied. And I have guilt about that too! Please don't think I'm crazy! I was just wondering if anyone could relate to all of these emotions I'm feeling-I don't know of anyone else who would understand. Thanks for listening and letting me vent! Kate
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-05-2003 - 9:13pm

Yeah, I remember

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Registered: 06-25-2003
Sun, 10-05-2003 - 9:43pm

I know *exactly* what you are going through. I thought I was going to go completely mad when my DS was identified and classified (he is still not DXed). I had issues about disabilities going way back and relating to a (deceased) MR brother I had, so I was about to lose my mind.

My work had a program of short-term emergency councelling for peole going through crises and I snuck off at lunch for sessions several times. It helped me to get through the initial crisis.

I agree with Renee about the grieving process. You have kind of need to 'lay to rest' your feelings for the child you thought you had, so you can embrace the child you do have.

My son also was reaching milestones up until a point, and then stopped and regressed. You beat yourself stupid thinking "If only I had..."

It wouldn't have made the slightest bit of difference. The illness didn't do it. Your *thinking* it was the illness didn't. It just happened, and it was going to happen regardless.

Renee is also right about joining a support group (Renee is usually right). It helped me a lot. Check out local hospitals, community centers, special schools or the school district. Also check with the agency providing your son's services.

Good luck and keep in touch. It does get easier with time.




visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
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Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 1:19pm
Hey Kate. Alot of what you typed sounds VERY familiar. My son is 3.5 and has not been dx yet, but we feel he is on the spectrum somewhere. I have noticed myself that I am shying away from social situations where I have to take my son, or where there will be other children. I think "I don't want to be reminded about how perfect everyone else's children are, and how mine is not". I have to literally force myself to go sometimes. And I know it's for the best. The other parents can't help how "normal" their children are, and I can't help the way my son is. (is this making sense? LOL) Even if my son is not as good socially as everyone else, being in social situations and learning how to cope is good for him. Even if it takes forever. (For instance, last night we went to my Mom's house for a family birthday party, and spent 25 minutes screaming in the entryway until he was acclimated enough to go upstairs. *sigh*)

But anyways, you can't let your child's dx rule your life. Being around other kids is both good for you and for your child. It will get easier as time goes on. And hopefully your friends and family, while excited about your nephew's (or whoever it was) milestones, will be equally excited when your child makes progress as well. Milestones are milestones, even if they are late.

And as for the baby thing - I also know what you mean. It's like my body is saying "let's have another, I know I can do it RIGHT this time" :( As sad as that is, that's how I feel sometimes. But I know my son was given to me to take care of, and that I am the best parent for him. I was hand picked! And so are you.

Hang in there