kids with phones,email
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kids with phones,email
| Sat, 01-20-2007 - 4:58pm |
okay son turned 9 last month. he lost internet access for visiting site he should not have visited. he tried to set me up for online dating as well as other things. i look through the sites he has visited and check his emails. son can call anyone he wants. he just has to tell me when he wants to call. E-mail is gone until he earns internet back.
xh wants son to have a cel phone. i think son is too young and it is too much responsibility. i pay for unlimited phone service and my # is listed. if anyone wants to call,just call at a reasonable hour.
so do you give your 9yr old cel phone and unlimited internet access?

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My son is 11yrs old. Last yr we got the kids a phone to share. Its one of those that only let you call 4 preset #'s or 911. Its handy. They can call if they need to but they can't just call up anyone and chat. I personally don't think a regular cell phone is really called for at this age and younger.
Kyle also had unlimited access to the internet. We check up on where he's been. Two weeks ago after a friend was over I saw playboy dot com on his list of visited sites. He claims he has no idea and swears he'd never go there. Honestly we believed him because he shows no interest in girls and actually covers his ears and looks away if he sees anything on tv remotely romantic. We think his friend probably went to the site. But we then set up the parental controls so he can't go to any site with sexual content without a password. And when he's in his room on the internet we often go in without knocking. He's never doing anything he shouldn't be. Mostly he looks on gaming sites for new games he wants.
If he was doing those kinds of things on the internet then he needs to be monitored more. You got to admit though its kind of cute him trying to set you up online ;)
Samantha
My 13 yr old does not have her own phone. I will never buy her own phone. I won't buy her a car either. She also does not have unlimited access to the internet and I doubt I'll let her ever and it has nothing to do with my regard of her maturity. I managed to get the hang of it in my 20s so I don't worry her tech skills will be lacking...and I didn't even have cable til I was 12. (LOL) My dh is a software engineer and also agrees with these things so luckily we are on the same page in our parenting strategies.
However, I don't have an xh so that makes the situation more tricky and I don't have any btdt experience. I think if I were divorced, that I would simply call the home of the other parent. Personally, I would think of a cell phone as an emergency and in an emergency, I wouldn't call a child. I don't know if I would make a stand with an x though for something that is negotiable and seems important to him. I would consider finding something we both could agree on and save up making a stand for something else. That's a tough call. pardon the pun.
thanks for your response. there are several issues xh and i are dealing with. he dragged me to court on false charges(claimed i was behind on child support- i don't pay child support) now he wants increased visitation- fine. he can have son every other weekend fri- sun pm or drop son at school mon am. xh can't call here because i have a permanant restraining order against him for assault & battery.son can call his dad any time we only have his cell phone #. xh wants son to have cel so if dad is runing late he can call son at school. for 6 yrs i have picked up & dropped off son to school and i have to be sure that i am there on time so xh should make sure he is there on time. xh could also call the school if he is running late. xh wants to control my life so he won't do every other weekend. he takes son fri pm to sat pm. so i never have a full weekend by myself or with son. this is the visitation xh has had and wanted since son was 9 mos old.
another issue- the exchange takes place at the police station. divorce agreement said we'd be out of there by son's 2nd bday. and child support has not increased in 6 years.
this is probably more info than you needed, but we're going to court soon and i wanted to know how other parents dealt with the cel phone/internet stuff.
My oldest is 10 will be 11 on the 24th of next month.
Well my boys 10 and 7 have a computer in their room, but we have net nanny installed on their computers and we also check often. My boys really only like online games and such, but we do look often.
When my 10 yr old was 8, someone in his class told him about this porn site and he looked it up. Good lord, who would ever think your 8 yr old was gonna do that? Well he did, I explained he wasn't old enough to look at those sites.
Anyway, he never tried it again, (I think he was kinda shocked lol). But.... just cuz it needed to be done we put net nanny on. I just didn't think I had to worry about it at the age of 8. Sigh, shows what I know as a 80's teen lol
As to the phones..... I have struggled with this. I don't think he needs this, but on the other hand, when it comes to safety I think its a great idea. I like the idea of the controlled numbers. If I decide to do this, that is what I would choose to start out.
Wow! What a turkey he is. I'm glad you were strong enough to get away from someone like that, you have to be able to live happy in this life.
You're right, it's really complicated with all the factors you presented (and stressful too!) Perhaps a pre-set phone (like the other suggested) is feasible?
I'm having a tough time imagining why a 9 year old would need a cell phone.
The kids don't have computers in their own rooms. We are lucky enough to have a 4th bedroom and it is devoted to electronics/entertainment. It is right next to the family room. We have 3 computers in here and the video games. They are not allowed in thier rooms with games or computers because I want to keep watch. Cait has rarely done things she shouldn't online and even then it was signing up for animal email lists, etc that I didn't approve of.
We have parental controls and time limits set on the computers with programs. The kids have to log in to thier own account and mine is password protected. Access is limited to when thier work and homework is completed and often I make them stop to do something more active (go outside) but I rarely have to do that as they often initiate themselves. Other than Cait that is, but she is so busy with other stuff she rarely has time to abuse it and it is really relaxing for her. Other than that I don't really limit.
That said, electronics are a priveledge which is easily revoked and if I ask you to get off to take care of something, you best NOT argue. (Just now Cait got up to go put her clean laundry away without a single argument!)
Cell Phones - I don't think a 9yo is mature enough or in need of a cell phone. Not even a typical one and definitely NOT an aspie one. Personal oppinion.
We did just get Cait one out of neccessity in middle school. She is 12, nearly 13. A whole lot more independence is expected of kids in middle school. Independence I am not sure she is always ready for. The school doesn't like the kids to use their phones and I want Cait to be able to reach me if ANYTHING happens. She has been known to get lost or wander off in the past. She has also been left on more than one occasion by the bus. The ultimate blonde. This way she has a way to get a hold of me.
I also made her prove her responsibility for over a year by taking care of various things and having various responsibilities. So far she is doing quite well.
Renee
We have a Firefly (the child's cell phone where the parents program what numbers can be dialed). It was purchased after we eliminated our home phone. We realized that if we had a babysitter, we'd need a way for someone to be contacted in an emergency.
Other than that, there are only a few situations when we use it. For example, if we're at Target or some place similar. Our son loves video games, so rather than drag him through the little girls clothing, we clip the Firefly to his belt loop and allow him to go to the video game area. I also let him take it with him when he spends time with DH's parents. (I have serious issues with the way MIL deals with our son, so I want him to be able to call us if she gets "mean".) Oh, and he'll get to use it if he's going to a birthday party, so we can call him to tell him we're on the way and he needs to start preparing to be picked up. (This avoids the meltdowns upon our arriving unexpectedly when he's not yet prepared to leave.)
To be honest, I'm really glad we have it. I was totally against it at first, but it's come in handy more than a few times.
My neice is in a similar situation with her daughter who is 7. She just recently got divorced, and neither household has a home phone. (Done by choice, not because of financial constraints, etc.) Both she and her ex-husband wanted their daughter to be able to reach them at any time. They are truly exercising "joint custody" and they have her equal amounts of time during the week. It helps the little girl feel connected to both her parents, even when she's only with one of them. (My brother and SIL also love that she has it, because she can call them if she needs anything.)
In terms of computer time...nope, no way we do we allow unlimited access. As many others have said, the computer is in a "neutral" area, not in a bedroom. Our 9 year old does not have email, and probably won't have email any time in the near future. I can't see a need for it. If and when he does get it, it'll be open to our scrutiny at any time. My house, my rules. If I bought it, I own it...and I can monitor any and every thing you do. (Yep...I'M THE EVIL MOM!)
Amy
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