Sorry, no advise here, but I SO understand the "world revolves around me and if you don't like it, too bad" attitude. We have issues with physical aggression daily, and it's usually taken out on the younger brother with no evidence of remorse or admission of wrong doing. It's to the point where I can not leave them in the same room unsupervised. If I try to remind DS to stop and think when he gets angry, I get a smart remark like "yeah yeah, take a breath, count to 10, yadda yadda - NOT!" I have also used that line about ending up in jail... they just don't get it.
Yup, there with ya! Both my boys (ASD and AS) are the world shall revolve around me and lo, ye all shall behold my grandeaur"....blah de blah de blah, lol. Now Cian (4) is easier to talk down or call himk on certain things, but lIam when he gets in stuck mode...well forget it.
I say send them all packing to an olde worlde English Boarding school...hee hee,...well ok, but at least send them to their room;) Ok, I'm no good here...(((HUGS))))
<. SOOOOOOOOO BTDT, got the t-shirt, wear the friggin t-shirt til it falls apart...When you figure out how to explain to a 9 year old Aspie that you do NOT go around thumping, strangling, scratching or maiming people who won't 'follow the rules' please PLEASE let me know. I've tried the 'hurting people makes them feel bad' I've tried the 'it's wrong and illegal' and I've done the 'ending up in jail' thing as well. I've tried social stories, I've tried detailed explanations, I've tried teaching alternative strategies, I've tried everything I can think of, and I still do not understand how a kid with an IQ of 150+ does not 'get' this. Why can't he not 'get' advanced trigonometry, or how to fit a shelf, or how to drive a stick shift, or any of the other thousands of skills he can safely live without, why, of all things, is *this* the skill he just does not seem to 'get'???
Anyway, before this turns out to be entirely about me me me, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!! You are a great mum, doing your best, which is probably 1,000x better than my best. There needs to be some kind of 'anger management for Aspies' programme or something, because neither us nor the teachers seem to be able to find a way to teach them this that sticks.
...for posting about this & all saying the same thing!!!!!
My 12yr old DS is *EXACTLY* the same!!! His poor 7yr old sister is always copping a bashing because she won't play this or that, stand in the right spot, ride her bike the right way etc. etc. etc!!!!
This is an area that seems best addressed by the professionals here. Not that we his parents don't address it, but I feel he has made better progress in this area with his pros. Our boy has been in psychotherapy since he was 6, and part of that relationship is building the trust so he slowly takes interest in wanting to know how others are feeling, where THEY are coming from. He sees his therapist 2xs a week, and when he was in a real state almost 2 years ago, he saw her 3 xs a week. He is 10 not and I feel the ability growing. When he wants to make the rules and gets angry, there is a chink through which we can reach him. he DOESW care, and when he is not overreactive, he can modify his ebhavior now. And this is improving daily. I can tell, however, that he would still prefer the universe to revolve around him, LOL. OK, me, too, hey?
He is also in social skills groups and has been for many years. Now that he is homeschooled, he goes to 2 a week plus a 2 kids to 1 therapist play skills session. Some of this is through his school district, as he was owed services on his IEP, some is private but on a sliding scale (mostly due to pleading!!!). He is learning slowly that he cannot make the rules and that this is not in his best interest. I don't think it hurts to know that people who take the law into their own hands can end up in jail, but there is so much more to this laerning, and I think the hardest part comes from how to help them lower their defenses in a hostile workld (to them) long enough to understand, truly understand, how their behavior affects others and then them ... in the long run.
It is such a big subject, this. And so important. I do belive that sibling relationships can be so key in learning, I am sorry we do not have one for ds. Although it must be so hard on you the moms and them the siblings to get thumped (laughed out loud again, Evelyn.)
But as I grew up with a slew of siblings, I remember the thumping part big time!! And we all survived the thumping and even still like each other, amazing!!!!!
ROFLOL! I remember those thumpings too and yes we survived and still like each other, but I do think we have to really teach our aspie/autie kids that while it's something the siblings do sometimes, it's NOT an ok thing to do and we have to learn to keep our emotions in check and see the other person's point of view. That's so hard and I agree w/ Sara, sometimes the professionals are much better at it than the parents.
Lol, when I was teaching middle school English I had a fair amount of bloodied zombies et al in the margins of papers. Actually one in particular springs to mind; a great paper on angles battling in the skies, and yes, the writer was pdd-nos;) 'course at the time I had no idea what that was, I just thought he was brilliant and a little weird. Ah, how a few years and 3 kids can change your world, lol.
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(((((((Evelyn))))))),
Sorry, no advise here, but I SO understand the "world revolves around me and if you don't like it, too bad" attitude. We have issues with physical aggression daily, and it's usually taken out on the younger brother with no evidence of remorse or admission of wrong doing. It's to the point where I can not leave them in the same room unsupervised. If I try to remind DS to stop and think when he gets angry, I get a smart remark like "yeah yeah, take a breath, count to 10, yadda yadda - NOT!" I have also used that line about ending up in jail... they just don't get it.
Hope tomorrow is a better day.
Melissa
You know, here's the worst thing.
Like Melissa and you I have seen the exact same thing with Chris and said the same things myself.
Awe gf,
Yup, there with ya! Both my boys (ASD and AS) are the world shall revolve around me and lo, ye all shall behold my grandeaur"....blah de blah de blah, lol. Now Cian (4) is easier to talk down or call himk on certain things, but lIam when he gets in stuck mode...well forget it.
I say send them all packing to an olde worlde English Boarding school...hee hee,...well ok, but at least send them to their room;) Ok, I'm no good here...(((HUGS))))
Dee
<. SOOOOOOOOO BTDT, got the t-shirt, wear the friggin t-shirt til it falls apart...When you figure out how to explain to a 9 year old Aspie that you do NOT go around thumping, strangling, scratching or maiming people who won't 'follow the rules' please PLEASE let me know. I've tried the 'hurting people makes them feel bad' I've tried the 'it's wrong and illegal' and I've done the 'ending up in jail' thing as well. I've tried social stories, I've tried detailed explanations, I've tried teaching alternative strategies, I've tried everything I can think of, and I still do not understand how a kid with an IQ of 150+ does not 'get' this. Why can't he not 'get' advanced trigonometry, or how to fit a shelf, or how to drive a stick shift, or any of the other thousands of skills he can safely live without, why, of all things, is *this* the skill he just does not seem to 'get'???
Anyway, before this turns out to be entirely about me me me, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!! You are a great mum, doing your best, which is probably 1,000x better than my best. There needs to be some kind of 'anger management for Aspies' programme or something, because neither us nor the teachers seem to be able to find a way to teach them this that sticks.
Kirsty
THANKYOU!!!!THANKYOU!!!!!THANKYOU!!!!
...for posting about this & all saying the same thing!!!!!
My 12yr old DS is *EXACTLY* the same!!! His poor 7yr old sister is always copping a bashing because she won't play this or that, stand in the right spot, ride her bike the right way etc. etc. etc!!!!
He just DOESN"T GET IT!!!!! It's not right!!!!
I don't tell him about jail as
Hi everyone,
This is an area that seems best addressed by the professionals here. Not that we his parents don't address it, but I feel he has made better progress in this area with his pros. Our boy has been in psychotherapy since he was 6, and part of that relationship is building the trust so he slowly takes interest in wanting to know how others are feeling, where THEY are coming from. He sees his therapist 2xs a week, and when he was in a real state almost 2 years ago, he saw her 3 xs a week. He is 10 not and I feel the ability growing. When he wants to make the rules and gets angry, there is a chink through which we can reach him. he DOESW care, and when he is not overreactive, he can modify his ebhavior now. And this is improving daily. I can tell, however, that he would still prefer the universe to revolve around him, LOL. OK, me, too, hey?
He is also in social skills groups and has been for many years. Now that he is homeschooled, he goes to 2 a week plus a 2 kids to 1 therapist play skills session. Some of this is through his school district, as he was owed services on his IEP, some is private but on a sliding scale (mostly due to pleading!!!). He is learning slowly that he cannot make the rules and that this is not in his best interest. I don't think it hurts to know that people who take the law into their own hands can end up in jail, but there is so much more to this laerning, and I think the hardest part comes from how to help them lower their defenses in a hostile workld (to them) long enough to understand, truly understand, how their behavior affects others and then them ... in the long run.
It is such a big subject, this. And so important. I do belive that sibling relationships can be so key in learning, I am sorry we do not have one for ds. Although it must be so hard on you the moms and them the siblings to get thumped (laughed out loud again, Evelyn.)
But as I grew up with a slew of siblings, I remember the thumping part big time!! And we all survived the thumping and even still like each other, amazing!!!!!
yours,
Sara
ROFLOL! I remember those thumpings too and yes we survived and still like each other, but I do think we have to really teach our aspie/autie kids that while it's something the siblings do sometimes, it's NOT an ok thing to do and we have to learn to keep our emotions in check and see the other person's point of view. That's so hard and I agree w/ Sara, sometimes the professionals are much better at it than the parents.
(((EVELYN))) I hope you're having a better day!
Betsy
Thanks so much, everyone.
Lol, when I was teaching middle school English I had a fair amount of bloodied zombies et al in the margins of papers. Actually one in particular springs to mind; a great paper on angles battling in the skies, and yes, the writer was pdd-nos;) 'course at the time I had no idea what that was, I just thought he was brilliant and a little weird. Ah, how a few years and 3 kids can change your world, lol.
Dee
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