Kids for sale. Cheap. (vent)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
Kids for sale. Cheap. (vent)
13
Mon, 10-08-2007 - 8:04pm

Hi, guys.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-1998
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 7:15am

>>>But as I grew up with a slew of siblings, I remember the thumping part big time!! And we all survived the thumping and even still like each other, amazing!!!!!<<<


I know that sibling thumpings are all part of growing up, but, the thumpings that my ASD is giving his poor little sister are not simple sibling ones. They are malicious and aimed at definite harm.


These thumpings are the ones

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 9:58am

The biggest problem I have with my Aspie's violence is that it makes me really, really hate him when he does it. I see the normal sibling rough and tumble and I welcome it, because he still needs to learn the acceptable boundaries of play, and I remember thumping my little sister...but I also see a much darker side, a real violent edge that is much more the Asperger's than normal rough play (he really tries to attack people when he's that angry, gouging at their faces and strangling them) and as a mother of his brother and sister I am *appalled* and protective of them. And I see his little brother shrinking away in genuine fear...and I know that his friends at school do so too. And, perhaps because I grew up with a violent dad, my tolerance of this is absolutely zero.


How do I handle this? As his mum, I have to help and support him, and love him, no matter what (god, who else will??) And I have to acknowledge how hard this is for him, and the great progress he has made against this odds in trying to learn this. But as the mum of his brother and sister I have to help, support and protect them, too. And I can't do the 'mummy bear' thing which my instincts tell me to do which is to rip off the head of the person threatening my child because the person threatening my child IS my child! And also, ripping off his head would only teach him that it is right to rip off the head of someone who breaks the rules which is emphatically what I am trying to teach him is WRONG.


I really really am struggling with this, it's by far the hardest part of being a mum to an Aspie. I absolutely adore him and am so proud of him but at the same time, when he hurts other kids, and particularly when he hurts his siblings, it absolutely tears me apart. I'd really appreciate any insight on how to deal with that!


I have told Euan a lot of this, because he does have fairly high levels of empathy for an Aspie and he does really understand the genuineness of other people's feelings, and wants to please me. But it still seems to make no difference to his behaviour.


Kirsty, mum to Euan (9, Asperger's) and Rohan (4, NT) and Maeve (23m, NT)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-1998
Thu, 10-11-2007 - 8:08am

Oh my Goodness!!!! Kirsty!!!!


I could have written your whole post!!!!


I find it sooo hard to want to protect & smother my own children in the same moment!!!! I agree, it is natural to want to be the Mumma-Bear, but when the attacker is also your own child, what do you do??


If anyone has any suggestions I am wide open!!


Helen, Aussie Mum to Addison (Nov94, ASD, TS, OCD, ADHD) & Eloise (May2000, NT)


PS. I love yor kids names!!!

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