Kind of new here...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Kind of new here...
2
Tue, 06-24-2003 - 1:14am
I am more of a lurker than a poster. Thought I'd come out of the closet for the summer.

I am mom to Jared who is 5 1/2 and dx with mild-Aspergers, SI, and auditory processing issues. He was just released from his OT last month and he continues to see a psych for play therapy (to help with his anxiety/control issues), a SLP, and he attends a social skills group.

He'll be in a typical kindergarten in the fall and I'm trying to get him an aide. I've got a big fight infront of me.

We've been going through a tough time since school has ended and I'm hoping once he gets settled into his camp routine that he'll do a little better.

It's the impulse control thing that's the worst. He does what he wants to do and can't register when kids tell him 'no'. We were at a neighbors house and some of the kids were in the sprinkler. He was joining in with everyone and playing pretty well until he saw the water guns. He picked it up and kept squirting everyone even though the kids all told him no. Then when I tried to take it away it was the typical aggressive outburst. I was so embarrassed. He has a hard time keeping his hands to himself as well. Everytime we go somewhere I always review the rules about keeping his hands to himself and still no luck.

Do they ever outgrow this?

Liz

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-24-2003 - 12:22pm
Liz,

The good news is: YES! They outgrow it. And usually just when you get to the point of wanting to have yourself committed.

The bad new is: It takes a lot of time, patience, and guidance from Mom and Dad.

You're already doing the number one thing that should be done to help him outgrow this. You're reminding him of the rules just before they become neccesary. I imagine a trip with him to the grocery store is a lot like mine with Jade and Eva. On the way there I go over all the little details of what they are not allowed to do. Like "Do not touch ANYTHING. If you are having a hard time keeping your hands to yourself then claspe them together behind your back." or "Jade, if somone smiles at you DO NOT go up and suddenly give them a hug!" or how about "Eva, you CANNOT push somone out of your way just because they happen to be standing where you want to go." "No touching each other, unless otherwise instructed. Jade, this means you are NOT to hold Eva's hand and pull her in the direction you think she should be going. I'm the mom, that's my job." "Jade, if someone says something to me you are not to answer them. They are talking to me, not you." And the list goes on. "No walking off by yourself, FOR ANY REASON." "No giving your sister a wedgy in public." "No asking a total stranger what color their panties are just because your curious." "No opening packages." etc.

BUT, on a lighter note, I have 12yo on the spectrum, Ayla, who has turned out quite well. She still has problems with interupting family members and close freinds, but she's getting better. She doesn't try to jump in people's cars to get a closer look at their sterio system anymore. And now if someone says "Stop." to her she actually stops. When she was 6 she decided to completely redecoraite our Christmass tree just because she thought it would look better done another way. She didn't ask, and a great many of my family's heirloom ornaments were broke. She used to take things away from her younger sisters and just didn't understand A) why they started crying, and B) why she got in trouble for it. After all, she just wanted to see it.

Jade, dd8, is currently startting the rapid out growth. Actually, she was better for a while, but since Eva, dd3, was potty trained and can now do more things out of the home, Jade has regressed a little. She wants to be the 'good and helpful big sister' and teach Eva all about what to do, how to do it, and when. But she usually ends up terrorising Eva instead of helping her. We've had a great many talks about how she is NOT the Mommy and it is NOT her job to do things like dress her sister (who can dress herself), or stop her from eating a popcilce with her left hand just because she's right handed. And if Eva doesn't want to have a bucket of water dumped on her head then DON'T DO IT! For a long time Jade had no clue. I heard a lot of "But I was just playing, Mom. I was just trying to have fun." "Well, Jade, when you don't want to be burried in then sand having someone push you into a hole and start dumping it in on you can be a little more than frightening." Sigh.

But, they do out grow it. To me, Ayla and my DH are proof. Okay, so DH still can't resist telling the kids exactly how to sit whe in front of the TV. But he's 39 so I figure he may not be so teachable anymore, LOL. I just quietly remind him that they aren't going to screw up their backs by sitting hunched over for an hour a day.

Peace,

Candes

Peace,
Candes  
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-24-2003 - 3:35pm
Hey Liz,

Nice to see you! I am hopeful too that at some age the hitting stops. Actually, although Mike still has these outbursts at home he has gotten a lot better particularly at school. He will yell at the kids at school but has not hit them this whole 1st grade year. Helps that he is a rule monger and one of the big school rules is not touching other kids. We have the same fule at home, but it is harder for him to do it here.

What has helped is being proactive. The teacher has made certain modifications that have really helped in school. She ALWAYS warns Mike before some change comes up. She only groups him with kids with whom he will be successful. (Usually the really bright, helpful, mellow, usually girls). She checks in with him frequently and will give him frequent breaks if he is in a particularly rough mood and needs it. She also gives him extra challenging work in something he likes when he is fidgetty or such, so he doesn't get bored and stays on task.

We try to be proactive too. We can usually see or hear when he is starting to get stressed, overstimulated or about to blow and intervene. Sensory activities help alot.

Renee

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