Lack of Stranger-Danger?

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Registered: 04-07-2003
Lack of Stranger-Danger?
6
Sun, 08-06-2006 - 11:38am

Hey all.
We just came back from a week vacation down to Virginia area. man was it hot and we were camping. But we did Colonial Williamsburg and Buscah Gardens

Josh did fine for himself. The usual fixations about buses, the weather, food etc. If he wanted something the whole world should have stopped till he got it based on his nagging. Plus his black and white thinking. And one or 2 meltdowns (our fault because or heat and sleep)

But my main question was about josh's total lack of the red flags of stranger danger. I guess in his line of thinking about making friends. Josh will strike up a conversation with just about anybody. usually kids close to his age, people with dogs or just someone looking at him. And by the end of the conversation , the people on the end of this conversation will have Josh/s whole life story. Where we are from, age rack and serial numbers plus a full round of josh's fixations. In small doses, like on vacations most kids tolerate this. But I can see for those who know Josh. year round where this can become tediuous. But do your kids do this? Is this just an over function of trying to overcome the lack of social skills or trying figure them out on his own? Sometimes i think Josh has it but then i seem him totally (not realizing it himself) where is is just being ignored after awhile. Or I see some of the better souls redirect Josh.

I have tried many times to tell Josh that not everybody needs to know his life story, plus it really isn't anybody else's business. But I see Josh not geting this message. What else can i do? So far i haven't told Josh about the ASD dx. But if i did, would he tell the world? And would he fixate on it?

Rina

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Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 08-06-2006 - 12:25pm

I also have not told my dd of her ASD dx and unless she starts asking questions, then I don't plan to. It's going to take a lot of repetition for him to get stranger danger. Try to be very simple and direct. Give him the simple of definition of a stranger and a simple definition of a friend. The next time you're walking down the street, you quiz him. I'd ask my daughter is this a friend or a stranger? She'd get it wrong lots of times and I'd say with gentle, but big wide eyes, "No, that is a stranger. We do not know him." When I'd pick her up from school or walk in the neighborhood, I'd be sure to point out people we know as well so she could begin to understand the difference.

Also, if that is too simplistic for him, there is a great worksheet a teacher gave to us. It was a paper that had a bunch of circles in it. The very middle circle represented the child so we wrote my dd's name in it. The next circle around that was labeled family. So she had to think of the names of family that went in that circle. Then the next circle was labeled friends. The next was acquaintances. And then finally onto the strangers circle and she had to think of strangers like the mailman or pizza man, etc. That really helped her get the degree of relationships.

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Registered: 09-09-2005
Sun, 08-06-2006 - 3:59pm

Liam is the worst for this.

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Registered: 04-07-2003
Sun, 08-06-2006 - 7:29pm

See this is where I am at. Josh is 11. And I can see the kids with no patience for Josh rolling their eyes with the there Josh goes again look. And I can so sympathize with them.

One on One Josh can be okay depending on the kid and the kid's tolerance level and the ability to distract Josh from his monolouge. Josh will also half listen to parts of conversations and try to jump in there with out knowing the topic. He will also parrot me. Not funny when DH are having a discussion and Josh will blame DH for something using my words. When i ask him if he understands what the topic was about Josh will slowly admit no.

Sometime I wonder if I am the right parent for this kid.
Rina

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-06-2006 - 10:57pm

Stranger Danger is a big issue and one where we definitely have to be more vigilant with our kids than typical kids. And one reason I am very over protective. Even with typical kids, you can give them all the stranger danger talk and it may fail. Child molesters are fantastic at manipulating kids and our kids are so easily manipulated that there really is no way to prepare them adequately without freaking them out and losing thier childhood. OUr kids are easy targets for bullies and other kids, I would bet it is the same for adults with bad intentions.

I don't want to scare you but I do have some examples of where this can be an issue for some AS kids. Mike isn't so bad. He has horrific stranger anxiety for ANYONE so he would yell if anyone tried to talk to him regardless. However, this has always been a huge issue for Cait.

In school she had a habit of wandering off and getting lost. This was a huge concern for me because the school she was in at the time had a number of registered offenders in the area. So we began to try to address this as well as the not wandering off bit. She wasn't leaving on purpose, just always forgot to be where she was supposed to be.

One day while this is going on she asked me if she could use the bathroom while we are at the park. I said "in a minute" because I needed to gather the other kids. It was a bit of a walk and I wouldn't let her go alone. Well she waited precisely 1 minute and proceeded off to the bathroom without me. I was well behind her and she was passing some very questionable looking homeless men without a care in the world. One said something to her and she walked right up. This is when we had been WORKING ON stranger danger in school, social stories, the lot. THANK GOD I was 20ft behind her by then and gaining fast. She was in 3rd grade.

I still don't trust her to walk in the neighborhood alone and will only let her if she is walking the dog. I am putting her on a list for a disability dog so that she can go places a little more safely without getting lost or abducted. I hope someone would think twice about going for a girl with a dog or to train the dog to protect her.

Renee

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Registered: 04-07-2003
Sun, 08-06-2006 - 11:49pm

But how do you get them to listen? My biggest problem is that josh won't listen.
I am almost usually near by. And i don't let Josh go to the bathroom byhimself if we are in a big place. i will stand outside the mens room. bUT JOSH WILL HAVE A VERY BAD HABIT of waiting till the last possible minute to go. And he will announce it to the world and even at home Josh will let me know about his bodliy functions.

door. And if i make him responsible for his younger brothers it actually makes it harder for him to well talk to anybody.
Again it depends onthe place. And most women will accept a boy into the ladies room versus men with big girls.

it seems to vary. but even walking our dogs. Josh will still talk to people sometimes.

I guess it is an experience and in someways his brothers ages 7 and 5 will put Josh in his place.
Rina

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 12:41am

It isn't easy but I think you partly do social stories and very specific rules about certain things, you keep as close an eye as you can, and you pray really hard and trust that things will work out for the best.

This year we decided with the help of her therapist, that it was time to start trusting Cait for short times home alone. We went over all the usual rules. Don't open the door for strangers, don't answer the phone unless it is mom, dad, grandparents, Mrs J or Mrs T, never tell anyone on the phone, online or anywhere that you are home alone, Don't turn on the stove or COOK anything (cold snacks are ok). You get the idea.

Ok, so it is going ok and I am leaving her for maybe like 1/2 hour by this point. Sometimes an hour. I call frequently to check in. Usually she is on the computer the whole time or watching tv.

Til one day I come home to find a "watchtower" (jehovah witness) magazine on the counter. Cait says, Yeah mom, some people came to the door and wanted to talk to you. They left that. AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhh. Freaks me out because we occasionally get door to door magazine guys who are "recovering" addicts and some have been down right scary looking. Needless to say she hasn't been staying home alone much this summer. Sometimes I will leave her for 15 minutes with Emily here too. I feel better if there is 2 of them.

Thank god for my 2 big dogs.

Renee

PS, not sure they can listen. Not sure they understand. Mike isn't allowed to stay home even with Cait here too. He keeps asking me but he is no where near ready and I am not sure when he will be. Maybe when Emily is old enough to stay home alone or start babysitting younger kids, I will let her brother stay with her.

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