In law vent
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| Wed, 05-10-2006 - 2:22am |
I am really ticked at my inlaws. They complain they never see the kids and we dont call them but they can't be counted on. The last few times I have asked them to babysit there is always some stupid excuse but this takes the cake. BTW, they never watch the kids. I can count on one hand the number of times they have in the last at least 2 years. My mom on the other hand probably watches the kids for me a few times a month including 2 times in the last week for IEPs etc.. Any time I need her and I have one other friend who does too.
Cait's EEG is tomorrow. I called my inlaws to see if they could pick up the other kids from school because I would be in san diego. Neither my mom or friend are available. I left a message a couple days ago and no reply.
Finally they call back around 8pm tonight and leave a message that "gee sorry we didn't call back sooner. You must have other plans of what to do with the kids by now. talk to you soon". I didn't get home until after 9 because I was at PTA.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
My other plans include taking the kids out of school early, taking them with me to San diego and DH taking off work early and picking up the kids from me in SD.
Useless and they are going to hear about it too. This is 2 times in the last week I have really needed them between all these seizure related appointments, IEPs, etc and I can't count on them. And I just gave up my respite. I think I need to get it back.
Renee


Hang in there Renee -- families -- can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. My mom is kinda like that -- never offers to help.
I bet in some ways they deny your kids have any issues. Lord knows you wouldn't ask unless it were an emergency.
You are a strong lady and don't let this bug you -- but I am with you, let them have it!
Take care!
Amy
I'm so sorry, Renee. I know how you feel. My parents are the same way.
Good luck with the EEG.
Samantha
Hugs, renee. I know exactly what you mean. My inlaws really have no clue about what's going on with Sam. I send emails to fill them in because they are so uncomfortable talking about anything other than the weather. My bro in law has anxiety issues and has attempted suicide three times; I think he's an Aspie. I think the in laws may think the same thing but are afraid to scare us. They love us to death and try their best, but they really do have their own issues to deal with (2 elderly parents plus anxious adult son living with them) My MIL and her mother don't wake up until after noon and just watch tv all day, so I don't like to leave Sam there very often.
Get that respite worker back!!!! We're looking at getting a baby sitter ourselves. DH and I desperately need a night out or a ride on his motorcycle!!!
Chrystee
Thanks guys.
It wouldn't be so infuriating if we didn't get grief because they don't see thier grandkids enough, or we don't call enough, etc. I feel badly for my mom because she is always the one I call for help as well as my friend christine.
Some one mentioned that they may not admit my kids have differences. It is very weird. They go back and forth on that one constantly. But it isn't just me. I have a classically autistic nephew as well and sometimes they are in denial about his differences as well. Other times they are the autism awareness advocates telling all thier friends about it and asking us to talk to this one or that one.
I guess they accept now that the kids are ASD but they don't really understand what all that entails. How pervasive pervasive developmental disorders are. For instance, MIL knows Mike is easily overwhelmed, doesn't like to be touched, needs transitional warning, and doesn't understand sarcasm. Yet they will do these things, alot at the same time. Then when he gets overstimulated or noncomplaint they get in his face then get mad and blame us or him when he yells or hits. And we get the "you can't let him do that" talk to which I reply "I have told you to get me if he is getting upset. You pushed his buttons". ON christmas eve Mike ended up throwing a toy at my MIL because she starts going in and scolding him when he was already over the top because of my nephews tackling him and constantly doing things specifically they know make him mad. He never even heard what she said or saw who it was. It was flight or fright and he threw what was in his hand.
With Cait it is the opposite. She is the prized first grandchild and a girl. Rather they spoil her and let her have what ever she wants behind our backs when we have strickly said no. Once there was only enough ice cream in the freezer for one bowl but all 11 grandkids were over. They told her to have it in the kitchen but not show the other kids. I told her no. She already had desert. They are on a low sugar diet and it isn't fair to the others. I walked out and came back and they were giving her the ice cream. Cait ends up being a horrible whiner and brat at thier house then they complain about that. I get the fallout of her behavior for 2 days.
Renee
Edited 5/10/2006 1:20 pm ET by rbear4
Why don't you just tell them how you feel?
I am one for honesty.
((((HUGS)))) It sounds like you could really use that respite! It's too bad that the IL's are so flaky!
I hope Cait's appt goes well!
Betsy
((((hugs)))))
I am sorry your ILs are such flaky, whiny unreliable knckleheads.
Would it make sense for your DH to have a word with them? Maybe they would take more notice?
-Paula
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Dear Renee,
I think there are some people you have to be able to see their limitations and not ask for the help they simply cannot give. But I don't think I would do a great deal of extra arranging to see them more often, etc. either. You clearly are not able to count on them, and I wouldn't. Yes, I would get the respite back. If these inlaws haven't started pitching in by now, 4 kids later, well, I would guess they are not really capable.
Anything else you can hit them up for, so they can contribute in other ways? Money? Can they cook? Anything either one of them can teach your kids, a hobby or craft or interest they can share?
I actually like my inlaws OK, but it is helpful that we live far away. I am cool with them sending money and presents, though, also my position is that I leave the arrangements and contacting of his family up to dh ... which means usually there ARE no arrangements ... but he is in charge of relationship with his own parents and not me! Well, if he wants to go visit, I will set it up as family organizer, but I am not also telling him when to go! that is up to him. "Nuff said, we don't see them often.
Anyways, ((((HUGS)))) and I would throw in the towel on asking them and make other arrangements always... And if they ever ask if they are needed (which they probably won't), I would say that you have found it tough to coordinate with having them help out.
Good luck with everything, I feel so for you as this has been a particularly difficult time with seizures and all. You must be exhausted, and wouldn't it have just been grand if they could have stepped outside their limitaions just this once...
Sara
Renee,
I just wanted to say I hope the appointment worked out (was it yesterday?) and that Cait is ok. That stuff is never fun.
I hope you are ok too. It has been a stressful few weeks for you. I am sorry your IL's are the way they are when you really could use the help.
Hugs and thinking of you. I hope you have a nice Mother's Day because you really are a super mom!
Katherine