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| Sat, 01-05-2008 - 2:34am |
Okay, so Victor throws this absolute fit anytime someone says he looks, or smiles or acts like his father. We were torn as to why he does this until today. He grinned at me and I said "Don't you give me your dad's I'm so cute you won't kill me smile. I'm immune". He immediately went into a meltdown because he said "If I smile like Dad, don't you get it... I don't smile like me. " All this time we thought he didn't want to be like Dad because Dad has been absent in his life so much, HOWEVER, it's just the oppossite. He's afriad he'll lose his sense of self if he admits he's like anyone. This is a new one I'm not sure how to adjust except to just correct people when they said " just like his Dad" to say something like "Yes, I do believe his father did something like that too." Maybe if it's turned around that Dad does it like him, instead of him doing it like Dad, it will help him realize he's still 100% himself. Any ideas?

Alexis,
I noticed when he said....
"I would just get into the habit of saying things like "Don't give me that Too cute to get mad at Victor smile." Or, if anyone else compares him to his dad just smile and say " Oh no, he's 100% Victor!". "
The only problem with saying either one of these comments is that Victor is Victor III. He shares a name with his dad. IF we had known he would be this unique, we would not have named him after his father. It took us til this past year to get him to answer to anything but Victor III, because he wanted that much significant difference. He's learning slowly but surely tho that just because you share a name with someone doesn't mean that it makes you less of a person.
How about adding his middle name when you addresse these kind of things?
Alexis,
I think it is wonderful that he could express himself so well.
I wonder if some very basic explanations in genetics might help him? You know if you can explain how we inherit cetain traits from our parents and grandparents, but the particular mix in each individual makes them unique? Maybe iyou can use a trait that a grandparent and parent share (color of eyes or whatever) but remind him that we would never mix those people up as they ae completely themelves.
Also play up features that are uniquely his: his way of thinking or a particular smile. That way hew will start to understand that although he has characteristics of his family, some traits are pure him.
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