Learning to do things around the house
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| Wed, 12-21-2005 - 4:01pm |
I was just thinking about this earlier as we were getting the boys off to school this morning. Tyler makes his bed, helps in the kitchen, clears his plate after eating, puts his laundry away, helps with garbage, and is even helping scrub the toilets now! He's always been anxious to learn new things, so we are always showing him how to do things on his own. Anyway, these are just a few things that he does around the house (that I can think of at the moment!).
But then there's Nathan. He'll be 7 next month. Learning how to do things around the house has been challenging. He'll help a little in the kitchen (not much), he does clear his plate after a meal and clean up after having a snack too. He's also puts his clothes in the laundry room. But he's not able to make his bed, put his folded clothes away, and even has difficulty getting items that you ask him to bring to you. I often find myself asking Ty to bring me something, because if I ask Nathan.....it will take forever, or he won't be able to find it and then scream, or he won't know what I'm talking about!! LOL
Those of you with older kids, at what age did they start doing more around the house? I'm finding that Nathan stims and spaces off so much that learning a new task and remembering to do it, is rather difficult. He's quite capable of learning new things at school. But with home being his "safe" place to relax and unwind, I'm just not sure when I should be expecting him to start doing more.
Even doing homework is hard sometimes. He won't focus, his mind wanders. And he always complains that he's tired when asked to do something. I guess I'm just wondering what you have all done or what age you felt worked best.
michelle

Since I'm "NEW" and don't know whats going on most of the time-----Jacob--almost 6yo-----really is good at helping around the house. He likes to have "jobs". He is great at hanging his clothes up on hangers and putting folded ones away. He even folds the towels.
One day---he wanted to help with the towels and they were in the dryer. He stood at the dryer and told me--every minute---what the time was........
"it's a 5 and a 1", "it's a 5 and a 0", etc, etc----all the way until it stopped ---50 minutes later!!! hehehe. This was also the first day of starting Adderall and he was REALLY focused!!!!
Holly
Michelle,
I did it similar to how you are doing it as far as age, depending on the child. Cait was cooking simple things with help and modifications at 7 and Mike was doing about what you mentioned.
There are a couple tips. First, how are your expectations (ie, do you want it perfect or how ever he attempts it is ok) and second adding modifications.
As far as putting folded laundry away, do you mind if the clothes aren't exactly folded in the drawers? and a modification for this is easy. For instance, on each drawer place pictures of what goes into that drawer. Then come up with a routine for him that works for you. Perhaps write and post the steps for him or you can just teach him the steps. Where to find the clothes, etc.
I find visuals are the best and teaching them one thing at a time, even one step at a time. Mike is great at laundry. I have a checklist typed and taped to the top of the washing machine with all the steps. I did it with him the first few times and he does pretty great now. That is one he can stay focused on.
Cooking is the same. I just modify everything to very concrete steps and write it down. I made cait a folder with "recipes" that had steps all the way down to 1. Wash your hands, 2. Get out x pot.
Mike gets really distracted too. Sometimes I have to stay right with him or give him lots of reminders. I use our marble system and he tends to earn at least 3 or 4 for a major chore plus a ton of praise and that helps.
It is challenging. I have 3 that need constant redirection, but you get a system and actually I have to say, once I teach Mike a routine and just provide some supervision like while I am cooking, he typically does really well. So long as Dave or some stim doesn't distract him. It is Miss Cait who likes to skip steps and go hide.
Renee
Hi Michelle,
We've just started on this area, and I have found that with Malcolm (age 8) it is best to be very clear on expectations, make rules, earn points for following rules, post everything on a chart so he is real clear on expectations and then is given prizes for his accomplishments. We have NOT started big, basically for assigned chores Malcolm is loading the dishwasher, washing machine and dryer with me and helping me with cooking and to put away groceries. For awhile, we have put his toys away together after playing and he puts his own dishes into dishwasher after snacks, etc. I think that's really it, as we don't require him to make his loft bed up.
We still use his "screen" time as a big motivator, as he gets limited time AFTER all homework and chores, dinner, etc. are done. IF there is extra time between chores and bath/bedtime, he can earn extra screen time by doing chores promptly, NOT whining or complaining, etc. And of course, reading and drawing and playing with his toys is allowed, he needs to unwind, but it does cut into any little dab of extra screen time he might get to earn if he does it too long! Using a timer that rings helps also, plus reminding him of the passage of time, such as "Table setting in 5 minutes ... 3 min... 1 min" etc.
So far, not bad, although I am still waiting for him to not need reminding about the whining part. At least, once he is reminded that that's also a rule (NO WHINING)and screen time is disappearing during the whining sound, the whining stops, thank goodness!!!
Oh, and currently I am only having him do one of these things per day as a chore on the chart and vary the activity every day. I will ask if he wants to help out other times, and sometimes he does. And sometimes ... NOT.
Sara
ilovemalcolm
My son who is 8 is similar to your Nathan. He puts his shoes in a basket, puts his schoolbag in it's spot, brings his plates and cups to the kitchen and (with constant prompting) will pack up his toys. Actually, he brings ANY stray plate or cup to the kitchen - but this is more about OCD than training LOL.
I haven't tried the strategies that other posters have suggested, however I absolutely agree in theory. Use visuals and clear, concise expectations. Also, give him one job at a time. Build up slowly.
My next few tasks to teach him are - dressing himself for school, appropriate places to put his clothes when he strips off to his undies (at the moment he dumps them in a corner) and to unpack his school bag at the end of the day.
Bobby started doing his first job this summer.
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Hehe,
I am still trying to get ALL of mine to remember to get thier dirty clothes from the bathroom when they bathe without constant reminders. But hey, I guess some of that is being a kid.
We have an evening and morning checklist for self care kind of stuff. That can be taught now. For instance, bathing, brushing teeth, Putting thier shoes and backpack by the bench (near the door), putting thier laundry away, that sort of thing.
HOwever, for other chores I typically keep that for the summer or long school breaks. Our evenings are so full with activities (therapies) homework and regular checklist stuff that there is too much stress to try to fit in a new chore. During breaks there is less stress and they are able to learn the new skill then we use it during the school year. Though I haven't been able to keep it consistent, as in the kids do "chores" every night. it is more asking them to help me in the kitchen, set the table, rotate the laundry, unload the dishwasher.
I wish they did more to help in the house regularly but it takes nearly constant supervision and alot of work on my part particularly during high stress school year, so it is more in teachable moments. Mostly I want them to learn the skills so they can live independently.
NOw if I can just get ANY of them to vacuum. They all HATE the vacuum noise. Mike vacuumed for a while so he could control it because he thought that would be better. It wasn't. He won't do it anymore. LOL
Renee
Thanks everyone!! Nathan does extremely well taking care of himself. Like his coat, shoes, backpack, brushing teeth, bathing, and his clothes (picking out, dressing, and putting away dirty clothes). So I think starting out with putting his clean clothes away, and any other type chore similiar, this might be the best place to start. He really hates doing "extra" stuff...I don't think he really sees the purpose!
I know that Tyler was doing more than Nathan does...at this age...but Tyler was also very anxious to learn and he was motivated. Nothing really motivates Nathan. Rewards don't help.... so I'll have to resort to "taking" things away. And it will definitely be a fight!!! LOL
michelle