Liam teased and picked on, in OWN house

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Registered: 04-28-2007
Liam teased and picked on, in OWN house
3
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 3:42pm

OK, I do plan on replying to a lot of posts beneath this, but I have 5 mins with two hands free and I have to shoot something at yez.

Liam has one friend in the neighborhood, no when I say friend he's within walking distance of the house is 7 months younger and has a sister (5) who often plays with him too. At first it was ok, they got off their busses at the same time and once or twice a week Liam and Cian played with B and M in their yard. Lately though these "friends" have been letting their guard down and are becoming increasingly obnoxious and mean spirited. I thought I saw it in the beginning but it seemed so sporadic and let me tell you M especially isn excellent lil' actress. Once she took a message I asked her to give to Liam ie: you have 3 mins ledt and she delivered it as "your Mom says you have 3 mins as you are being bad" Even I called her on that one.

These children are very spoiled, (get everything pretty much they ask/whine for) and their mother especially gives into just about all of their demands. Now I have worked VERY hard to get Liam (and Cian now)to understand that Mommy is not a walking toy store or candy vending machine; these kids well....their parents are and it's showing in their behavior.

Liam talks back a lot, but we are implementing some new behavior mods that are working and he is doing wonderfully at school again (all 5's the last week...yea).

So B's Mom asked if Liam and I wanted to go see Spiderman 3 last Saturday. Honestly I wait until pg-13 movies come out on DVD and then we watch as a family (after I've prescreened it). But Liam was GAGGING to go and I had a weak moment. The movie experience itself wasn't too bad, most of it washed over his lil' ASD head, but the entire time B made comments to Liam about why I didn't buy Liam snacks (I'd brought him some in my purse, Liam hates popcorn and soda). Liam was confused and upset by these comments afterwards. Then a playdate was organized for yesterday afternoon; this is where I caught much more of this behavior in the act. Both parents showed up with B, M their baby and some kid I have never seen in my life who was not invited, and obviously was ticked he was dragged to our house at all. Let's call him J.

The played ok when outside, but then went to the playroom I heard all sorts of nastiness. M walked right into my bedroom (door was closed) while I was nursing Roan; didn't understand why I asked he to leave. Then later I heard Liam getting very upset and the other kids laughing; I removed Liam from the situation to find out what was going on and what he was upset over. I specfically said he wasn't in troubl and ykw. Those little muckers followed into the bedroom; I guess they wanted to be the audience for whatever I was disciplining Liam for. Thing is I wasn't disciplining him, I was trying to get a grip on what was going on....I was pretty sure there was teasing and bullyng going on as Liam's reactions was the usual reaction to being teased.

There of course was teasing going on, Liam confimed it....suddenly all the kids bolted downstairs announced they want to go home; B made one more nasty obnoxious cooment within his parent's earshot, they laughed it off as "oh aren't kids embarrassing." They've reacted that way before...ie zero discipline.

Liam was melting as they had barely arrived and now they were taking off. I got him to the backyard and after a lot of tears found out B had pulled up Liam's shirt, pulled his pants down and thought that was hysterical.. B also hit Liam. Now I am pretty sure Liam was part of the hitting too, but the pants thing is all B, his Mum even mentioed he had a problem with it a while ago. So after I calmed down today I called (got the machine) and left a message about the pants pulling.

I was irritated with dh as he was supposed to be in charge, I was napping with Roan after a rough night, and I only heard what I did as the playroom is right near the bedroom. I really need to slowly wean Liam of these kids, thing is he has no other frinds....you know you all know what that means.

I just hate it as he i such a target for nasty behavior....will we ever find a good natured friend for him....Sara can you send Malcol down for a few days????:)

Dee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 5:04pm

Oh Dee,


Kids can be so mean.

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 5:13pm

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Registered: 10-03-2004
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 5:29pm

Dear Dee,

And Malcolm would gladly come, too, he's gettin' REAL tired of Mum & Dad...

I will say, though, that I do get right in the middle of things like this. Most of the kids who play with Malcolm are pretty sweet, but there have been some mean spirited moments. NOW, I have friendships with all the parents of other kids who come here and I am allowed to impose my household rules on visiters, just as my friends the other parents are allowed to impose on Malcolm should he be having one himselfat their house ... and usually he is having a spectrum moment, but he does go there a bit himself. I am the Big Boss at my house, and we just might have a Pow-Wow, restrictionsa and rules re-oriented, discussion, etc. I don't leave this stuff for the kids to figger out, fer sure.

I know you have to help Liam not meltdown if he's really upset, but --- and I don't know if this helps --- at my house, what helps ds is that I make it clear to Malcolm that I am getting to the bottom of this and any kid who was stepping out of line is being dealt with by me. This usually forestalls his meltdowns, BTW. He just needs to know that he will be protected, get a hearing, I will get to the bottom of whazz happnin.

I would have a big talk with other Mom. She can't be meaning for these kids to get away with mean behavior. Ask if she has talked with the kids about what happened, was there any followup after you left the message... Maybe you two can work out a plan? I would only let Liam play with these kids with more supervision, no extra guests (I thought THAT was weird, no call to ask?) and for shorter periods of time.

NT kids have to deal with nasty behavior, too, and often parents have to step in. I know, my almost teenage niece is still dealing with a few wenches and sometimes my sister has to help out still...

(((((HUGS))))) to you both. Malcolm is getting stronger at defending himself, also now many of his buddies will defend him, practise, practise, practise.

Sara