LOL, Bad Idea! When will I learn!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
LOL, Bad Idea! When will I learn!
6
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 10:28pm

Today was a teen library program at our town library. Cait has to go to be eligible for the summer prizes. My friend/boss is meeting us there and her son is going and had invited Mike the week before so we were trying to set it up as a social thing for the boys.

Well I get there and they won't let the younger kids stay and I am stuck. I can't leave Mike alone and I can't leave dave alone in the library. My friend Chris says she will keep an eye on him (but remember, her and I hang out but she rarely sees Mike. She knows autism but doesn't know him well). I figure it is ok and leave with the others. It is just a balloon animal making show and some of the kids will get balloons. right? WRONG

Because Chris had gone later she was stuck in the back further away from Mike than I had anticipated. She kept looking over but thought he was doing well. She doesn't know his stress signs. He has certain looks, body language and behaviors that DH and I (and his aide) can pick up a mile away and know he is going to lose it.

Well, it wasn't a watch the animal balloon making guy. It was everyone gets to make thier own animal balloons. There were tons of kids, popping balloons noises, only enough pumps for like every 10 or 20 people to share, the guys directions where very fast, etc.

I come back 1/2 hour later and am locked outside but I can see through the window and I can hear a little. I hear Mike escalating (noisey room but I know his sounds) and I see his looks. I had to call my friend on her cell to come and open the door. Because she didn't see his signs from across the room she thought he was fine.

Naturally he WOULD NOT leave before the end. He was shouting at the kids in front of him for staring. The lady behind was trying to help and he told her to go away and was rude. He hit his sister who was just too close. UGH.

I explained to the woman behind. I helped Mike finish his balloons. I redirected him and did alot of whispering in his ear. And THANK GOD we made it out without a huge meltdown because we were soooooo close. I think my reminder of if he did melt down I would have to carry him out in front of all those other kids caused him to hold it together just enough. Plus he knows the consequence for a monster aggressive meltdown at this point.

Whew.

2 hours later we had family pictures. Mike got into alot of trouble at home before for being out of control and I was in a rush. Then he nearly went off the deep end during pictures with the weird phrases and behavior but looking back I am damn proud of him. He took nice pictures and really held it together as best he could on a very very very challenging day for him.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 6:41am

Ah, Renee, You can't be everywhere and you do have a few more kids than Mike. Those big crowd situations always carry some danger, though, don't they?

But he is learning, slowly, slowly. He managed to get out of there without the Big Blow, that's great!!! It's hard to see progress on those days, but that actually sounds promising.

Anyways, Whew! Glad you made it out of there.

I believe that success breeds success, and the more Mike knows he hold it together when he is overwhelmed, the more future ability he builds. And at heart, our kids want to be able to hold it together...

You are a GREAT mom. I'm proud to "know" you.

Sara

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 9:49am

Mike held it together very well and I am proud of him.

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 10:13am

yeah, I am proud of him too (well except for some of the mean comments and when he elbowed his sister). But, if I had taken the time to ask about the program and what it would be I would have easily seen that it would be too much for him. I would have told the leader that he was special needs and that I needed to stay with my other children. They would have most likely been ok with that. Emily and Dave wanted to stay. They did get to be there for the end out of neccessity.

I just wish he would finally learn that it is ok to walk away and take a break when something is frustrating him. This is a HUGE problem at school too. When he starts to get frustrated he can quickly go into overwhelm mode. We try to cue him to walk away and just take a short break then come back, but he just can't. Do some problem solving. He won't stop until he is finished something and this can get dangerous cause that is when he may totally fly off the handle.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 1:17pm

Could it be that he cannot read his own signs very well?

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 2:05pm

Renee: I forget - have you done the "Alert" program with any of your kids? Colin did it last summer (he's as yet undiagnosed, but did it with 4 other AS boys his age at OT center). The biggest things we got from it were a)DH and I understanding better how to notice the signs of impending trouble and what causes them and b) Colin learning those signs too and figuring out how to "take his own energy temperature" and then use tools to adjust. I thought it pretty darn wonderful that my 6 year old could notice he was starting to feel out of control and choose to remove himself to a safe space in the noisy, big, bright gym at school. He learned that from the Alert program. Then last weekend, we saw another kind of results. We went to IKEA to shop for some cupboards. They have a kids playroom-ballpit place. We took him there so we could shop but after 10 minutes they called us. He came out hugging us and said "There were too many kids and it was too noisy, I thought I would do better with you."

Anyway, what you described would have had both my boys way into stimming/manic mode, so, sounds like it actually worked out better than it could have. It does get tiring sometimes, but even small progress is wonderful and I sense you recognized that from your post. Good job, mom and Mike.

Jackie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 9:12pm

I have been BEGGING for something like the alert program forever and it wasnt available or there were other concerns, or, or, or. First he wsn't on an IEP, then they didn't know who could do it, then it yeah that might be good but right now we need to get a set BIP in place, etc. I gave up about 2 years ago when we had to go to the BIP route and at that point it was thought alert might not work right then. It was always glossed over.

However, it is on my to do list for this year.

Mike really has no concrete way of reading his own anxiety level. We have tried explaining to him different signs but he just won't hear it at all. Whether we have tried before or during. I think what he needs is a structured program and he is going to need a contract ot do it.

HOwever, the problem here is 2 fold. Not only is it not being able to read his own behavior and stress level deeply (everything is the worlds fault. He has little or no self realization). He also HAS to finish what he has started. That is the autism part. He can't leave in the middle to take a break. It doesn't matter if he does accept that he is stressed, he just can't stop until it is complete.

Ok, that tenacity perhaps is the one thing that would be a good trait to keep. The kid is DEFINITELY not a quitter, lol. But we all need to learn when we need to take a break. He won't do it even when cued. That has been one really huge problem at school as well.

Renee

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