looking for mommy2nathan

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2006
looking for mommy2nathan
3
Sat, 10-14-2006 - 6:45pm

On the chat post I see that the boys are with dad tonite so it seems visitation has started. My visitation schedule stinks, son sees dad every friday overnite, home saturday evening. This does not give me a complete weekend with son and it does not give me a complete weekend to myself. xh is not amenable to any changes that don't suit him. I think it is his way of having control over me. Of course son has difficulties with the times that we do change visits. So in 8 yrs I have not had a weekend to myself to go away.
Please don't make this mistake. Visitation should be so the boys see dad and mom gets time for herself to recoup.

Enjoy your time off.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
Sat, 10-14-2006 - 9:42pm

Hi!

Well, this is how our schedule works.....

I meet STBX halfway. He calls me about 5pm on Saturday to let me know when he is leaving work. He keeps the boys overnight and brings them back on Sunday at about 6, sometimes sooner if the lawn needs to be mowed.

We agreed for him to have the boys the first 3 weekends of the month...and then I get the boys the last weekend of the month. That last week, STBX can come and see the boys for a couple of hours in the evening, sometime during the middle of the week.

STBX works an hour away from us, and is staying with his brother in that same town. He works many hours, and Sunday is his only day off. We were married for 18yrs, so I know his work schedule. I don't mind doing the schedule this way, its the only way it seems to work for him. I know the boys want to see their dad more often, but I'm not sure if this will happen.

Is there a specific reason your ex only sees your son on one night instead of the whole weekend? Have you tried changing the schedule?

michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2006
Sat, 10-14-2006 - 10:34pm

son also spends 4 hours on wednesday with dad. we separated when son was 1 month so visitation was increased from 3 hrs to 6hrs to overnite.so the one overnite was good when son was one yr old and toddler years. xh fights me on EVERYTHING. Going back to court is a pain and we tried meditation. xh would spend sessions (yes plural) complaining that i returned son with the wrong pair of socks. we settled the house and i spent nearly $25,000.00 (twenty five thousand) on lawyers fees. during our marriage we averaged $60,000.000 combined income so we weren't wealthy. xh &his attorney pulled more crap than i ever could imagine. xh claimed my attorney was the baby's father and wanted a paternity test done.xh and i had been married five years. the judge ordered xh to give me the baby's crib. xh delivered it without the hardware.xh got fired baby's health insurance was cancelled. i found out at drs. office. oh yeh child support had stopped also. xh claimed unemployment but to prove he was going to get insurance he provided paperwork from the company he had incorporated.it's been unbelievable.

son has difficulty transitioning from dad's to mom's. actually it's our worst time. when dad dated new women son got very upset, when dad married without mentiong/inviting son was when i started calling drs.son was out of control. son does not poop at his dad's. so more than one day and son is uncomfortable. xh disagrees with my decision to put son on medicine so i'm not willing to give him the opportunity to not give medicine for a longer period.

when i mention changing visitation xh gets "goofy". he quotes the divorce agreement. reminds me of a quote "the devil can quote scripture for his own purpose". the divorce agreement states that xh will pay 70% of many things,stop using the police station as an exchange place by the baby's second birthday (he's almost 9)and a few other things but xh doesn't read these lines. the police station was because xh assaulted me.

well this is much more information than you needed, but there it is. as i said in your first post..if i could do it again..it would be very different.

on the positvie side i no longer live with a physically and abusive man. if we had been together it would have been nearly impossible to get son dx.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
Sun, 10-15-2006 - 2:38pm

(((hugs))))

Looks like you've been thru alot with your ex. I am sorry you have had to go thru all of that. I did forsee more anger coming from my STBX, so I got him out of the house before it escalated anymore than it already had.

He did not take it well. His raging tends to go up and down. Somedays, he is ok, other times not so great. He has not hit me, but has become aggressive. His verbal and emotionally abuse was really too much for me, as I was abused this way as a child...and physically abused too (but that's a long story!).

Right now, we are trying to sell the house, and I am looking for work. Its not going well for me, I am unable to see my therapist anymore because insurance is not paying (another long story). I don't have any real support here....mostly just online.

But I also keep reminding myself that it is better not being in that relationship anymore. Things will be tough for awhile, but I'm determined to make sure everything works out for me and the boys.

michelle