Looking for support

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Looking for support
14
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 4:22pm

Hi everyone,
I'm having a very hard time w/ my nearly 8 y.o. ds. He has ADHD & is being tested (still, sigh) for AS (which I know he has). Anyway, over the last four weeks, he has been suspended twice and today, he's home again. I had to rush to pick him up from (regular)school b/c he was sitting under his desk and refusing to do work. His teacher made many attempts to get him out of there, but she couldn't. I guess it must have been a big distraction for her because she ended up calling the office for help. One of the administrators came to get him out and at this point, he bolted. He started running out of school grounds and had to be "held," or in otherwords, restrained. I came to pick him up and he was in tears.

As soon as I saw on my caller ID that the school was calling, I knew things were bad and I suddenly couldn't think. I became weak all over my body and I couldn't think of my mom's phone number so I could call her to watch my younger son.

Anyway, I'm just looking for some words of encouragement because this situation and all the little situations I deal w/ on a daily basis are really getting to me. I want to cry but I don't know to whom. I just need a shoulder to cry on. To my kids, I have to show strength. I've tried crying w/ him, pleading, begging for him to simply follow the teacher's directions. We've had a few other times when he has tried to "escape" from school and I told him it is absolutely unacceptable. He's very smart and very sweet, but now, the other kids probably think he's odd at the very least. He has a few friends, but who knows for how long? Should I just take him out of school? I know he's going to be suspended. The Prnicipal is going to call my hubby about this because she knows he doesn't want DS to be suspended. I, on the other hand, feel like keeping my boy at home. I'm sick of always sending him off to school and not knowing when I'll hear from the school. It's happening all the time.

Has anyone been through this? Do you have any suggestions? So sorry to sound so pathetic. I hate to be pathetic, but I think that's where I'm at today. Tomorrow is another day, but today pretty much stinks.

Hugs,
Irene

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 4:40pm
if you want to chat i'll sign in.
going trough the same myself with my son.
yvonne xxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2006
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 4:52pm

Hi Irene,
If I could reach through and give you a hug, I would, so I am just sending a few {{{hugs}}} your way. I know it isnt easy and some days I feel the same way and end up in the bathroom crying or crying with my ds. It actually makes me feel better to do that. Are there any support groups near you? Possibly an AS or ADHD group? I have a card at my desk that my Mom sent me after a harrowing couple of days with Nick, I read it often, it says:

All the truth and beauty,
All the peace and strength you are seeking
Are right there in your heart
Be still and listen.
Be brave and believe.

It isnt much, but it gives me a little bit of comfort. You're in my thoughts :).
Christine

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Christine

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 5:14pm
Trying to keep it altogether yourself when your son has had a bad day is really hard.been through my fair share of them lately,as my son was excluded for 1 day only last week.Every time the phone rings when at work i think it may be school,most of the time it's not,but it makes you feel on edge every time.hope it's of some comfort to know you're not on your own,i know it is for me.
hope tommorrows a better day for you.
hugs yvonne xxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 6:28pm

Irene,


Oh, how I know those days!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2007
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 6:52pm
So sorry Irene. I wish I could help. Doesn't your school have a counselor or a school psychologist? Your son cannot be the first child they have ever had with ADHD or AS. When your son is stressed, these are the professionals that should be called, not some administrator whose job is to be the "police". Of course your son was scared, and of course when he's scared he wants to run away. He needs someone he can trust at the school. A "special" grownup that really understands him and doesn't try to judge him. My son has developed a special friendship with the school psych. She visits him every day and works with the other staff members to educate them on Asperger's disorder. She is even hand picking his teacher for next year because she wants to make sure he finally gets a "good match". I know how frustrating it is to constantly get phone calls from the school expecting you to "fix" the problem. But they are required by law to handle this and if they can't then they have to place him in a situation where the staff can handle it. Your school system sounds as if they are trying to dump all of the burden of this on you. Don't let them. They need to provide an appropriate education for your son.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 7:10pm
Sorry, but I only got back online just now....I would have loved to chat, but my hands are shaking still and so maybe another time. <>
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 7:19pm
Thanks so much ladies. I knew it would be reassuring to read your posts. I know I can't "fix" my son, but I also know that I"m not alone. I SO appreciate everything. I have a lot to do right now, so I can't write anymore. I just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my tired heart. ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 7:29pm

Irene,


(((((((Hugs))))))))


First you:

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 7:34pm

Thanks so much for your post. It was so very helpful. I read the article and I noticed that the author and his wife have videos for sale. They're pretty expensive. Have you purchased any? If so, are they worth the $ or just more of the same? Any info you have would be very appreciated!
Irene :)

p.s. I totally relate to the situation of knowing that my son's up to no good in his room and yet not feeling like finding out! Problem is that I always find out and then I get all worked up. I've found that if I prepare myself mentally before going up there to "see the damage," then I am much better able to handle my emotions. Anyway, I hope it all works out for you tonight! Hugs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 10:55pm

Thanksk for your concern Paula. You are so very knowledgable. I'm a little more calm right now than I was before. First, let me start by saying that Daniel does have an IEP with many accomodations. However, none of them seem to be working at the moment. I don't know where things turned for the worse, because there was a time when they were much better....not by any means perfect, but much, much better. It could be that the other kids are noticing his differences more, it could be that he is more confident now due to a karate tournament that he won, I just don't know what it is. The Principal is being unreasonable, you're right. She has chosen to suspend him for things that I don't believe are quite that bad, but then, we end up blowing things out of proportion, when in fact, it is the Principal blowing things out of proportion. I do understand their need to keep Daniel from running away, because that is a major safety concern.

She called me this afternoon and gave me two choices. First: a parent would come and spend the entire day supervising Daniel at every moment. or Second: Send him to school alone, but put absolutely no pressure on him to perform any academics (which seems to be a major trigger). I'm going to go with the first option. Luckily, my parents are helping me w/ my younger son and I'm able to do it, but is not a permanent, long-term solution. I don't want him suspended because they can do it up to ten times and if it goes there, he can be expelled from the school and I would have to find another school for him...which would be heart breaking.

I'm going to see how things go when I'm there tomorrow. Truth is, my son needs to be on medication for his ADHD. However, hubby is not willing to try it until next year...after we have exhuasted more natural treatments (Neurofeedback, homeopathy, etc.). So, we're not even on the same page because as much as I'd hate to give my little guy medication, I also hate what his impulsivity is doing to him.

Anyway, it's a long story. I do know of an advocate, but he charges about $180.00 per hour!!!! I'm already paying for OT $95.00/week and we've got many other expenses such as the current testing we're doing with our own shrinks.

Sorry for going on and on. Thanks for all your concern and advice. I'm so greatful that I can lean on you ladies for support. I know I'm not alone and that alone helps a great deal.

Irene

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