Lulled into a false sense of serenity?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Lulled into a false sense of serenity?
10
Mon, 07-05-2010 - 10:03pm

Our end of the school year was so good, and the first few weeks of summer vacation went by very uneventfully and I was feeling pretty good about life.


So imagine my shock when things went to "h#ll in a handbasket" today.

                                

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
Mon, 07-05-2010 - 10:38pm

((Heather)),

Here's a thought, for what it's worth. No one in my family tolerates the smell of bleach very well. I don't use it much, because I've learned that my husband can smell the tiniest residue, and he'll start clattering around getting headache medicine, opening every window, and plugging in fans all over the place. He's such a sweet guy, but when he's stressed out, rrrrrgggh!!

That's not even mentioning my AS kid and my sensory-issues kid, who both go their own brand of falling-apart at the smell of bleach.

I wonder if the bleach smell might at least be partly to blame.

Anyway, I hope things get better soon. Those days are not fun.

Evelyn

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-05-2010 - 11:34pm

Oh yeah, often lulled into that false sense of security and the rug is pulled out from under my feet every time they fall apart EVEN when I know it can/will happen because of some event/change, etc.

My guess is your guy is just as stressed about the pool business and all those people as you are and his way of showing it is with those old autistic behaviors.

No matter how many coping skills they learn they are still autistic at heart and there will be times when there are stressors that take all their coping skills away. Sometimes the stressors seem miniscule and other times they are big ones.

And JUST to throw a huge wrench into our expectations there are other times they handle things we are SURE are going to make them fall apart like it was no problem at all.

Don't you just love autism?

Photobucket
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 12:17am

I'm guessing he is probably picking up on your mood and stress. I remember when Peter was a baby, I used to sit with him in his room until he fell asleep.

I started to notice a pattern: If I was thinking about stressful things; work, bills ...whatever, the baby tossed and turned and wouldn't settle. If I managed to clear my mind and think warm fuzzy thoughts (which took a significant, conscious effort) his breathing would slow and he would fall asleep.

I noticed this often enough to say it was a definite pattern. I don't know how my mood communicated to him; maybe in my breathing or restlessness, but it definitely did.

I know this probably isn't helping you much now, because I am putting pressure on you not to stress, but... well, I hope it does
help eventually.

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 6:53am

Well, the problem with saying it's down to the stress of the pool/mouse etc is that you have no way of knowing if that is the case (what are you supposed to do, remove the pool/mouse in some kind of alternative reality and see if Tom kicks off anyway? :-) PLUS I think it's another neat way of letting us do the mummy-guilt thing and beat ourselves up over stuff.


IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.


He's going to have 'autistic days' (this is what I call them, the ones where you haven't seen anything for a while and then suddenly, out of the blue, all flappy/meltdowny/violent/fussy etc for no apparent reason) for THE REST OF HIS LIFE because the ASD doesn't go away. Some days we have the strength to deal with it. Some days we don't. Whether or not we have the strength to deal with it I don't think actually has any bearing on whether they happen or not.


So no, I don't think you caused it. I think you found it hard to deal with because you are having a bad day. God knows what caused it, could be putting on his socks inside out, could be something he saw on the TV, could be a label on his sweatshirt, could be the smell of bleach...the last one we had here was because we walked the 'wrong' way around a visitor centre. I didn't even know there was a 'wrong' way until that point.


There's still a lot of summer to get through.


We have a mouse too. I didn't do the bleach and traps things, I did the standing on a chair shrieking like the elephant - I forget, the old Disney cartoon - thing, which I think scared the life out of it. I also did the yelling at the kids about eating snacks in the living room thing. Haven't seen it again, anyway, and that'll do for me, because if I actually catch the damned thing I'll have to dispose of it.


I also just got taken to Paris for a surprise birthday weekend trip by my husband - without kids!! - and we stayed in the most expensive boutique hotel in the world - apparently Liz Taylor used to stay there - and they had a mouse in the bar. So if it's good enough for Liz Taylor, it's no reflection on *our* housekeeping :-)


Kirsty, mum to Euan (11, Aspergers syndrome) Rohan (7, NT) and Maeve (4, NT)

"My definition of housework is to sweep the room with a glance"


"My definition of housework is to sweep the room with a glance"


Follow my blog on http://mumsnet.com/blogs/kirsteinr/


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 7:46am

Thanks for your thoughts.

                                

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 7:58am

It could be a growth spurt. My non ASD kids has grumpy days too.

I have noticed that everyone has a bad day when I have a bad day (usually the day or two before my period). They pick up on my crabbiness and I am not as patient to help them through theirs.

I don't use bleach very often. I have a very sensitive nose and cleaning supplies give me headaches. That can set many people off kilter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 5:22pm

Yeah, I'm not too crazy about the smell of bleach either--I limit its use at my house pretty radically--but when the mouse has been in the silverware drawer and on the kitchen counters I feel the need to sterilize things and bleach is easy and effective.

                                

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 6:32pm

I can relate on the mouse situation. When we first moved into our house we lived next to two cornfields. Since we have Ivy on our fence it's like a magnet to those little critters. And not just mice, rats too UGH.

Thank god were a cat family because those cats are hero's in our book lol. They would catch them before they entered the house (although a few snuck threw) and I hear ya on the grossness of seeing mouse droppings in your house. EWWWWWW!

Anyway it could of been anything that set him off like everyone has said. Sometimes I find we will never know. When you think your kids are going to do well, then they loose it, when you think there going to do bad, they do great! It's frustrating because for us, we never know when it will hit.

Before my kids were dx'd I noticed a pattern every school holiday and summertime. My kids lost it. I couldn't figure it out until they got the dx. It was the routine switch but still it can baffle me.

My mom died recently and I prepared my boys for the funeral as best as possible. During the service they sat still and were sooooo good! I was shocked and amazed because no way could they have done this a few years back.

When we switched from the church to the hall for lunch my youngest had some issue's (like immedicatly crawling under the table and staying there for the first 20 and after coming out hissing at a few people) but overall did really well.

Well then came the time to leave. They had done so well that I didn't think I needed to prepare them for departure, and then there it was a humongous meltdown over balloons in the parking lot of the church. My 10 yr old just lost it and it grew to a point were he was violent and I couldn't calm him down. Luckily most of the people had left but there were a few still there who worked at the church and I just wanted to die.

Once we got him home, he was back to himself again. I have a sneaking hunch his meltdown was over transition, but it doesn't really matter. Sometimes in life stuff is going to happen that we just can't control or see the trigger before it happens and thats the part that sucks. IF we could head off all triggers before it happens, well then life would be so much easier, but unfortunantly it doesn't work that way.

I know pools are a PIA (we have one too) but hopefully now that it's up Tom will enjoy the sensory water part and it will help a bit.

Just wanna give you a hug (((Heather)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 9:52pm

We used to have a bunch of cats but they have all gone on to a better place and we are petless.

                                

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2005
Thu, 07-08-2010 - 5:42pm
I'm so glad I read this post. I've had the, "What went wrong?" days too. Did he eat something with red dye 40, Did his brother threaten to break his toy, did someone look at him in a threatening manner? It's good to be reminded that what is wrong is the Disorder and I can't always control it.


June08siggy