Lying

Avatar for candksmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Lying
4
Fri, 06-13-2003 - 9:04am
My dd is 7.5 and in 2nd grade. She is formally diagnosed with ADHD although the specialist never ruled out other things. The teacher, speech therapist, and school counselor feel that dd has PDD and dd is scheduled for evaluation this summer. Dd is completely uncomfortable with eye contact, has been her whole life, has so much trouble with abstracts and social cues and emotions, has a lot of trouble with transitions, and has language usage problems that go beyond articulation delays and CAPD (although she is speech delayed and she probably has CAPD also, but school and pediatrician suggest getting PDD evaluation done first). I've realized that when she talks about problems or things that happen at school, she often puts her own spin on things, or makes up stories that seem to be her way of interpreting what happened. Also, she will not ever admit to doing something wrong - she'll blame anyone she can think of, especially her younger sister. Lately, though, she's been sneaky and I don't know if this is a phase, or something worsened by ADHD or PDD a combination, but mostly I don't know how to stop it. When she gets into our things, we fine her. She also is obsessed with the school store, where numerous little trinkets are available for the cost of 5 to 75 cents. She sneaks her own change in and visits the school store pretty much every day lately. A couple of weeks ago, we started doing backpack and pocket checks to make sure she doesn't have any money (and doesn't bring in expensive toys), and after a major infraction last week, we weren't allowing her to even bring in little toys (like dolls from fast food kids meals). Her teacher called last night and said that last week, she told dd she couldn't go to the school store before class - it was keeping her from journal writing, and she was also playing with little toys that she had in her desk instead of doing work, even during tests. But dd kept doing it. Well, I completely emptied dd's backpack last night and put it out of reach until time for the bus. Somehow, in the rush of getting out the door, she snuck Pokemon cards into her backpack! I found out at the bus stop, b/c dd is not good at sneakiness, so I confiscated them. I just don't know what to do. I told her that she needs to bring home any toys from her desk today or I will pick her up from school on Monday and clear out her desk for her. I just don't know what to do about the lying and sneakiness. Taking away toys and priveleges doesn't seem to have any impact.

I'd appreciate any advice.

Thank you!
Avatar for suitemadameblue
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Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: candksmom
Fri, 06-13-2003 - 9:46am
My son, Tristan, is 7yo and is PDD-NOS, ADHD, ODD, and possibly bipolar. Lying and stealing are a big part of what we are dealing with right now. Now, this is just what OUR docs have said for OUR situation, and may not apply to everyone, but it's mainly the PDD kicking in and heightening the impulsivity. He is now on meds to control that, and things are beginning to get under control.

With us, even more so than the lying was/is stealing. Mainly, money from hubby and myself. He was also caught numerous times taking stuff from his friends/teachers at school. It got so bad that at one point, we even had the D.A.R.E. cop from out town talk to Tristan. He came to the school and talked with him in the principal's office along with hubby in the room. This seemed to have been out best approach. Tristan really listened to this officer, and actually even maintained eye contact thru the entire discussion (complete with "yes sirs" and "no sirs" at all the right spots! lol). Then again, Tristan is VERY big on not wanting to disappoint authority (which is why we really don't agree with the dx of ODD!!!).

Anyway, I don't know if this really helped you or not, but I figured I would share. At least you know you aren't alone, and that at least with some cases the "phase" is associated with the dx.

~Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: candksmom
Fri, 06-13-2003 - 9:28pm
They gave Tristan an ODD dx? Are they nuts? From your posts I've never had the impression that he has that. I personally have problems with idea od ODD in the first place though so I may not be the best psych to talk about it. For me, personally and proffesionally, I don't believe in ODD. I have my reasons, but I won't get into them here. I don't want to offend anyone. This is a support board, not a debate board.

But I will say that if you don't agree with the dx that you should go to the mat and get it replealed. I know, I'm usally the one that tells people not to get hung up on lables and to just look at a dx as a helpful giude, BUT this is a dx you DON'T want on your ds' record when he becomes an adult. If he ever gets in trouble with the law (and most aspies do have minor brushes with them) the courts will look at that lable and see something else.......psychopathy. Do what you can for him.

Peace,

Candes

Peace,
Candes  
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: candksmom
Fri, 06-13-2003 - 10:14pm
First of all I want to welcome you to the board. What you have discribed about your dd deffinately sounds like ASD/PDD of some kind.

I think Carrie made some excellent points and suggestions. A lot of times, with kids on the specrtum (and DHs too), just constantly talking and explaining isn't enough. Very often we have to do something that will leave an impact on our kids that says "THIS IS NOT ACCEPTIBLE". The only problem is that the majoirty of us were raised in a generation that says discipline is not healthy. NOT SO! Our parents' generation seems to have forgotten that discipline is not all about spankings and torture groundings. It is about shaping the characters of our children so that they become wonderful, respectful, and responsible adults. You don't need to beat your children to do that. There are plenty of ways to discipline your child without abusing them.

Carrie discribed her ds' chat with the D.A.R.E. cop. A great idea! I wish I had thought of that. When my dd8, Jade, started her phaze of stealing and getting into trouble we too tried fining her for her transgressions. But it didn't really work. She whined and screamed and sniveld about having her money taken away from her, but she kept getting into things and stealing. So DH and I looked up info on how theives are treated by the courts. Subsequently, we removed all of her things from her room, save her bed, a few books, and one toy (not her favorite one btw), and told her she had to 'do time'(2 days). Her stealing came to a sudden and complete stop.

John Rosemond, founder of the Affirmative Parenting Clinic, suggests to "Let the punishment NOT fit the crime." In his teachings he says to deliver punishment and social education according to 'what might have happened' instead of 'what happened.' He uses the example of a 5 yo old boy who rode is bike out off his cul-de-sac after his parents had sternly warned him not to. Nothing happened and the boy was not abducted or hit by a car (the main concern of the parents). The boy's father grounded him from using his bike for something like a day or two and 'gave him a good talking too.' But this was the exact same thing he had done in the past, without success. Rosemond stated that stronger disciplines should have been employed the FIRST time the boy broke the 'cul-de-sac' rule. His suggestion was to take the bike away for a month and to put it in a highly visable yet inaccesable location, say, hung on a hook from the ceilling in the garage. Jade is bound and determined to not let her Aspie clumsiness get the better of her and routinely bikes, skates, skateboards, ect. She owns more sporting equipment than all the rest of our kids combined (I have 6 btw). So after reading up on Rosemond's teachings, DH set about installing hooks all along the rafters in our garage. Every piece of equipment she owns has been up there once.....but only once. That's all it takes to drive the point home.

Good luck to you and I look forward to hearing more from you.

Peace,

Candes

Peace,
Candes  
Avatar for candksmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: candksmom
Sat, 06-14-2003 - 11:16pm
Thank you for the great ideas and the welcome, Carrie and Candes. I have been lurking for a couple of months (since dd's teacher sat me down and asked if we'd ever considered autism spectrum - the teacher's been saying all year that there's something more or other than ADHD that's presenting the symptoms that make getting by in the classroom difficult; I'm starting to come to terms with the ADHD although dh is still in deep denial, but dd's speech teacher and last year's reading tutor also said they thought it was something more or something else). We're just waiting for the evaluation.