making up our living wills . . .

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Registered: 04-15-2004
making up our living wills . . .
10
Sun, 01-01-2006 - 10:51pm

Can I cry on a shoulder for a minute?

DH amd I are making up our living wills and the folks we want as guardians will not agree to it. It really brings into focus the difficult situation our kids will be in if my DH and I both die (God forbid) before they turn 18.

Is my pain because I can't stand the thought of them going into foster care? Or is it knowing my brothers and sister don't want my kids?

Just wanted to express my sadness to moms who will understand.

Paula G. (Joel - 10 Aspergers, ADHD and anxiety, Sarah - 13 typical)

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-01-2006 - 11:33pm

yeah, been there.

We decided to try and make out our will a few years back. We couldn't find anyone to take our 4 kids. There really isnt anyone that could manage them. I have considered having one set act as guardians and be in charge of making sure things are ok, but there isn't anyone that could take them in.

Last year I met a friend in a similar situation. She has 5 kids and 3 are ADHD and 1 is BP/ADHD/etc. So we decided that we would each write each other down as the guardians just in case. It ain't perfect but it works. Now I just have to get around to doing it again. It was so depressing the first time that we never finished it.

Renee

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Registered: 10-09-2004
Mon, 01-02-2006 - 6:02am
That is awful! At the same time WOW that you have someone in your family you are willing to trust. I have not made a living will as I have no one to leave the kids to in all honesty! Most of my family wouldn't want them, or couldn't deal with them!
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Registered: 06-25-2003
Mon, 01-02-2006 - 12:08pm

((((Paula)))

I understand. DH and I could potentially inherit 6 children if anything happens to 2 of my sisters, but there is nobody in my family mentally stable enough to take my kids, should anything happen., so no reciprocation there. It sucks to be the sensible family member sometimes...

So I am back to plan A: Take care of myself. Tt's a flawed plan, and not guaranteed, but the best option I have at the mo...

-Paula R

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
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Registered: 09-09-2005
Mon, 01-02-2006 - 8:40pm

My Mum said she would take my boys; (I double check every chance I get), but it would mean them going back to Ireland, and I worry about the services Liam would get, (ie: zippo or close to it).

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Registered: 05-16-2003
Mon, 01-02-2006 - 8:52pm

Oh Paula, that's devastating! I can't imagine. I'm sorry.

Our scenario is that neither of us have siblings capable of taking care of our kids (or their own kids, for that matter!)

DH and I are the guardians for both his brother and his cousin.... I consider it an honor and a priviledge that someone would trust me to raise their children.

Hugs,
Cathy

P.S. MAKE A WILL EVERYONE! I know it's not something that's nice to talk about, but it is NECESSARY. Even if you buy some of that will software and do it yourself for $30. Just do it! Consider it a New Year's resolution.

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Registered: 06-02-2004
Mon, 01-02-2006 - 8:56pm

I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this. Reading your post got me to thinking about mine and my husband's will too. We had asked one of my sisters if they would take care of our two daughters if something were to ever happen to us. But, at the time, we didn't know about all of Lily's health problems, including her being on the spectrum. I'm pretty sure that my sister would not change her mind. But, it hadn't really occured to me before what I would be asking her to do. She just had her first baby and I can't imagine if she had to take care of my children too. I guess I really should ask her and make sure she and her husband are still okay with it. I wish I had some great advice for you. I hope that you are able to find peace about this situation soon.

Amy~mom to Natalie (9 yrs.) and Lily (3 yrs)

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Registered: 02-20-2001
Mon, 01-02-2006 - 10:42pm
It breaks my heart that your family would not take care of your kids.

 


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Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 1:05pm

Paula,

I haven't read the other responses yet, because I'm supposed to be doing something other than reading/writing messages...but we are in a similar situation, and it's painful to think about it.

We simply have no one to ask. Both DH and I have fairly small families, and once you weed out everyone who is too old, mentally unstable, drug-addicted, set in their ways, or simply not in a financial position to raise two kids (who they haven't even met, probably)...there is no one.

I swear, I think about that every time we go out driving on the Bay Area freeways, and people are changing lanes while putting on make-up and talking on the phone. All it takes is one bozo who's too lazy to pay attention.

I'm sorry to hear about your brothers and sister. There isn't anyone I can think of who might ask *us* to be guardians for their kids, but if anyone did, I doubt if we could accept, because we barely have enough space for our own family. We're barely hanging on to our own sanity.

I wish there was an easy answer, or even just an answer. Hugs.

Evelyn
David, 8 AS, mood-disorder, Nathan,4 (?)

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Registered: 08-26-2005
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 2:07pm
Paula,
We made our wills right after Jake was born and my sister and BIL agreed to take my kids if anything should ever happen to us. Of course that was before we learned that Jake was on the spectrum or there was a great possibility Ella too has some form of ASD. I recently talked to my sister about all of this and she still wanted to take them, I couldn't believe she would do that for me and I have to say it really put my mind at ease to know my kids will be taken care of if ever we are unable to. My choices were limited because all my family except for my sister are in Ireland and to be honest they just don't have the services and options available to our kids that we have here in the States.Did you ask anyone in your family or do you just know they wouldn't take them?
Teresa
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Registered: 10-03-2004
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 7:36pm

OK, everyone, back again from Xmas trip to Minnesota land of many relatives and this is an interesting discussion. I also am sad to hear of so many who are not in situation of having family who will be guardians in case of, as it really is necessary to make a plan for our darlings. DH and I also need to get going and at long last set up our will in 2006.....

We actually have a few family members who are willing and able to take Malcolm, of course he is only one child and likely to remain so, so that's easier! We already asked my brother and his wife who resoundingly said "yes", they are both filmmakers and also have only one child, a slightly older boy who Malcolm adores. I also have a sister with kind husband and cool teenaged daughter who would actually be the better choice as a mother for Malcolm particularly, she's a teacher who's taught many kids like Malcolm and they have a wonderful relationship BUT she lives in a very small town, very backward and narrow-minded area really, and he is mixed race, makes my dh and I very uncomfortable about him being raised there...

HE has other ideas of who he should go live with, a subject HE has brought up, what happens if Dad and Mom both die (!) He wants to go live with close friend of mine and her husband and 2 boys his age he's great pals with who live in Brooklyn with basketball hoop in backyard and very cool new gaming system in house, which I'm sure has NOTHING to do with this idea. I just hope he is not plotting our imminent demise lol.

Sara
ilovemalcolm