Maybe she shouldn't come to graduation

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2004
Maybe she shouldn't come to graduation
Tue, 05-25-2010 - 11:05pm

This was the statement from my 5 year old daughter's preschool director. I was so angry! My daughter has been endlessly practicing for her preschool graduation at home, but in school she just sits by herself and watches. I am sure that she is thinking something along the lines of "I already know this, why should I practice". However the preschool director is taking it as she doesn't want to participate. At this point we have been really fortunate with this preschool, but this really made me mad. She didn't even ask my daughter if she wanted to be part of the graduation or not, or ask my input. Well, luckily I don't need to be asked to advocate for my child. I, as nicely as I could, told her that she will be taking part in the graduation. I also told her that if there is a problem during the show (that would disrupt the other children) I would be more than happy for her to come and sit with me and watch. I have never given them a reason to think that I would let my child be a disruption to those around her. The one time that they called me and told me that she was being a disruption in school, she was picked up within 30 minutes of the phone call. We have worked out strategies with them and carried them over at home to ensure consistency in her routine and her behavior. We have worked very well together this entire school year, so I really don't understand where this came from. I do not think that my daughter is some perfect angel child, I know that she can be difficult to handle and I handle it, why would graduation be any different? This just seemed really out of left field.

This kind of stuff just irritates the heck out of me, and I know that this is only the beginning. It just makes me so mad. If she had a physical disability would they tell her not to come because her wheelchair would disrupt the flow of the performance? Just because you can't see the disability doesn't mean that it is not there. They would definitely make adjustments to include her if she had a physical disability so why not for a neurological one.

Sorry had to rant!


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 7:12am

that would make me cross too, good on you for standing up for her. And yes, you are right, this is by no means the last time you'll hear something like this.

To play devil's advocate a bit here, sometimes teachers/aides etc do this out of concern for your child, rather than a concern that they will 'ruin' the activity for the others. Every year someone in the IEP team suggests that Euan doesn't take part in sports day: not because he's disrupt it (which he would) but because it causes him a lot of distress and they are trying to 'help'. Every year I have to make the same argument: this is not something that is going to actively harm him (not matter what he thinks!), it's an important part of the curriculum, and just because he finds it hard does not excuse him from it. So let's find modifications that enable his participation, rather than withdrawing him. It's tough, because the modifications require time and effort on everyone's part - not least Euan's - but in the long run, if you really believe in 'inclusion' and the 'least restrictive environment' that our children should be entitled to, you have to put your money where your mouth is and put in the effort.

Kirsty, mum to Euan (11, Aspergers) Rohan (7, NT) and Maeve (4, NT)

, mu

"My definition of housework is to sweep the room with a glance"

Follow my blog on