Mean Girls

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mean Girls
11
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 7:25am

Knew this was likely to happen but hoped it wouldn't. Seems Cait's life is turning into basically "mean girls" or the book "Odd Girl Out". She has been having trouble with the girls in her class all year long. THis is thier first week back after 5th grade camp then spring break, so she hasn't had school for 3 weeks.

Well the girls are just being nasty. Got one who whenever Cait tries to go up to the group tells her to "go away, why are you following us", etc. Has the other girls walk away. "let's go over thier so SHE won't hear us" loud enough for Cait to hear. Yesterday she was playing with a girl who is new and pretty nice. This girl and thier troop wave that other girl over to go talk to them and when Cait goes with her they start this again and steal that other girl away.

Mean Nasty girls. The one girl in particular's mom is the lunch lady and I know her pretty well. I am going to go have a talk with her this morning. I can't handle doing the insomnia thing again. Yep, I am up in the middle of the night writing. Funny how when my kids have problems it affects MY sleep. Geez. I am also going to talk to the teacher and the RSP this morning. If nothing comes of it, then I guess I will be looking into homeschooling Cait again. I keep telling her to ignore them and she has other fun things she can do during recess and such, but this is just wrong.

UGH, I am Pissed. Another board I am on there is the mom of a young man in middle school with AS being teased horribly. She just got on 2 days ago and told us that her son was admitted to a psych ward for attempting suicide because of this kind of crap. He is 11. Cait will be 11 in a couple weeks.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 7:54am

Hi Renee,
I'm sorry poor Cait has to go through that. Kids can be so incredibly cruel. I was teased mercilessly in 7th grade and it still affects me to this day. I've always said that if it happens to Billy I will homeschool as well. Just wanted to send you and Cait big ((Hugs)).
Take care.

Jen

 

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
In reply to: rbear4
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 9:28am

I hate to hear that Cait has to go thru that.

Tait-R-Tot #2

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 9:59am

Renee {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}} for both you and Cait. I don't know if you remember a post from me last year when Kyle so desperatly wanted to be these 2 boys' friend and they called him the name of a child that was liked very well and this really bothered Kyle. Also they made faces at him during class. The teacher told me Kyle was being too sensitive. I opened her eyes too about the suicide that I heard about on the Oprah show and the boy was 11 and picked on at school. She did talk to the boys and it seemed to get better for Kyle.

I hope all works out for Cait.

Linda

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
In reply to: rbear4
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 10:59am

Renee,

I just wanted to give you some hugs. This is one of my biggest fears for Nathan. Give Cait a hug for me too. She's real lucky to have a mom like you!!

Michelle

Avatar for betz67
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 1:29pm

((((HUGS)))) for both you and Cait. We have gone through some of this as well. One of my dear friends in WI has a son that was admitted for 2 wks last spring because he told all the kids in his class that he was going to kill himself. They thought he was being funny-- he was being an AS kid who thought that this would take care of the problem w/ the kids at school and help out his parents in the process.

My Warren is also a child that's teased all the time. We left a VERY bad bullying situation in WI. He had a large group of boys that teased and made fun of him in class while the teachers were watching (they claimed they didn't know what was going on) and then when the teachers made a case of it, the boys started following Warren home from school (about a mile walk) and finally when they didn't get him to respond w/ verbal threats and things, they started throwing rocks and stuff at him, our other children and the last straw was large rocks and chunks of ice thrown at our house. We had to get the police liason officer involved (the parents would make the boys appologize, but they continued) when faced w/ arrest, they stopped throwing things, but they didn't stop the yelling and harrassment of our other children. Had we not moved we would have had to called the police every time we saw these kids and gotten them referred to court-- BULLYING is a BIG problem!

Warren has had some teasing in this new school but not as much-- one of his friends here was suspended for "stabbing" another boy w/ a pen, and then a fight insued all over his friend just getting fed up about the constant teasing he has endured for years! (the other kid was suspended as well).

I foresee the same kinds of problems w/ Weston when he gets in the upper elementary grades and middle school. Amelia is a conformer (she blends into the crowd most of the time-- unless she's on a subject dear to her heart) which can have it's own set of problems.

YES! I'm the one that loses sleep when my kids have a bad day! passing you a glass of wine, maybe that will at least help w/ sleep!

Betsy

Avatar for cathby
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 3:33pm

I'm sorry, Renee.

I actually went to hear the author of Odd Girl Out, Rachel Simmons, speak last fall at our middle school. I then went and bought the book. I'm ashamed to say that I haven't picked it up yet.

You are right to nip this unaceptable behavior in the bud. For Cait's sake as well as every girl in that 5th grade class.

Cathy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 8:04pm

GRRRRR!

~ Chelsea
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 11:36pm

Go**mmit!

Why are kids so cruel!? I guess because they are kids, but that's no excuse I would love to go over there and knock those girls' heads together.

I had a bad day yeaterday (someone died) so DH bough me a poster -the one thng which made me laugh all day. it was a funny cartoon with the caption "Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them"

We need a "girls are mean. Throw rocks at them" equivilent for Cait. OK maybe not if she or any of the siblings will take it literally! LOL. Sending her virtual hugs, Irish candy and a book on dogs instead.

I hope "mean" goes way out of fashion sometime soon. Imagine how nice it would be if peer pressure forced people to be civil to eash other. OK that happens (usually) in business, btu it needs to work it's way down the generations.

((((hugs)))) my friend. I am sorry you are goinn through this.

-Paula

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: rbear4
Sat, 04-09-2005 - 1:24am

Thank you all, You are so darn sweet.

Well let me tell you what happened. On Thursday I went to the RSP office to "discuss" the matter with the resource teacher. Cait's teacher happened to be there. Cait had talked to the teacher and lunchlady about it herself too. WTG Cait on self advocacy! The teacher thought Cait was being sensitive and bringing alot on herself, which I admit when Cait gets stressed or picked on she gets down right pissy. However, when I clarified for the teacher what was going on she realized this time it was a real problem but still wasn't convinced....

Well....talking to me she got to the class a touch late for the beginning and there is no Cait in class. The kids say they didn't see her. The assumption is she felt bad and didn't come to class. Mrs. W LAID into those kids. OMG, I came in the middle of it (my volunteer day) and heard on going speech about the importance of being kind to everyone. How dissappointed she was, etc. Then she tells me Cait is missing and I take off around the school desperately searching. Eventually had the office page her.

Guess what, she is a FLAKE! QUEEN FLAKE!!!!! She was in speech like she is supposed to be on Thursdays but it never DAWNED on her to check in with her teacher first. She went there, said the pledge and left. Never said, Hey I am here, don't mark me absent. No big deal if we hadn't told her 10000 times that she HAS to check in with the teacher or adult in charge and LET THEM KNOW WHERE SHE IS GOING!

I am not going to live through this kids childhood. Got a great workout running around the school though.

Talked to the lunchlady. We are friends and she was great. It wasn't only her dd but that is the name Cait mentioned because I think that is who hurt the most since she has been friendly to her other times. Mom is going to have a BIG talk with her.

BTW, after thier "talking" too, Cait says the kids were nice to her the last couple days. She is so funny "mom, my friends...." She is so quick to forget both ways. If they ignore her 1 day they aren't her friends and everyone is mean. If they are nice one day and let her join the group they are all her friends and she has lots of friends. I am glad they are being nice to her, but I wonder if it will ever dawn on her that they never call her or invite her over. I hope not.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2004
In reply to: rbear4
Sat, 04-09-2005 - 12:53pm

Renee,

That is horrible. I keep trying to forget how mean girls were when we were kids. Homeschooling is a great idea for ASD kids, if you decide to do it. I'm thinking of going that route with Cassian, but I need next year to adjust to the new baby. Personally, the whole idea that our kids need school experience for socialization seems like a crock of you know what to me. If we could count on them getting developmentally appropriate and positive social experiences there, that would be great, but I think that's not likely. When a kid is at the bottom of the social totem pole, there just isn't a lot adult intervention can do, except remove them from the situation.

Suzi

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