meltdowns changing

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
meltdowns changing
7
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 9:58am

Peter's meltdowns are usually mayhem. All out screaming, punching himself, lashing out,

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 10:41am

I don't know what to say Paula. Could it be development and learning more self control? Are there other signs that he may be getting depressed? Are the meltdowns more frequent? If you are concerned or if it continues perhaps it would be a good idea to bring him to a child therapist to work with him.

(((hugs)))) I really hope he is not depressed and he is either going through a quick phase or developing more self control.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2005
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 12:09pm

Could it just be a differnt type of meltdown?

You know him best, but the crying kind of meltdown has always been Ryan's style. He was never a kicker or puncher or screamer. He used to sob uncontrolably (is that a word?). The kind of sob where you gasp in the middle. Now, it's usually a few tears and some pouts. I guess I think of meltdowns as a reaction to overwhelming emotion(frustration, anger, confusion), and ds's reaction is to cry. You have to know him, but otherwise he is a pretty happy go lucky guy, so I never really associated depression with these crying jags.

On a side note, crying is my "release mechanism" as well. I often find myself close to tears when I am frustrated or mad. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!

As I said, you know him best and have to judge if you think this may indicate depression, or just a change. Good luck!

Kate

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 1:04pm

Are there any other signs of depression? change in sleep patterns (getting too much or too little lately)? change in eatting habits (loss of appetite or over-eatting)? recent episodes of clinginess or withdrawl? increased agitation? I just read a chapter on depression recently so these were some of the signs they mentioned.

I don't know.....just throwing stuff out there....hope that helps some.

((HUGS))
Christie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2005
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 4:02pm

I don't have any answers, but just sending you hugs. I know how you feel. The sadness, and inconsolable crying remind me of when Eric was in what I call loosely his depression last winter. His meltdowns prior to that were just like little "rages." In Eric's case, along with the crying, he also had lots of low self-esteem talk, which is what upset me the most. I know how distressing it is to watch them crumble like that.

I won't repeat my whole recent bi-polar post, but I'm still watching him and taking notes. I can imagine that may be on your mind too.

I wish I had an answer for you. Maybe calling and talking to one of the professionals in Peter's life whom you trust and asking them for some ideas might help? I find Eric's OT is often very observant about emotional/stress issues and sometimes has useful thoughts.

I'm thinking of you and Peter and hoping tomorrow is a better day. Hugs to all of you.

Katherine

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 7:05pm

I think the meltdowns may change over time as our kids develop, grow and change.

I know that early on, my son would have meltdowns with lots of screaming and crying - maybe throwing himself to the floor like you would expect for a tantrum, but not much activity beyond that. This was when he was when he was 2 - 5 1/2.

After he found out his Dad got engaged, then the meltdowns became much more physical and violent - hitting, scratching, pinching and kicking. He has given me bruises numerous times and has kicked a hole in a door at home. I believe that the change was due to all the changes going on in his Dad's life and also perhaps some cognitive changes in him. He is about 6 1/2 now.

Lately, some of the meltdowns are not all that physical, but - yes - lots of crying as though his heart is breaking. When that type comes along, he appears to be very sad or upset about something he cannot control such as the fact that I am not getting remarried. He seems very concerned about the fact that "you don't have someone to love you, Mom!" That one surprised me because quite often he comes across as lacking empathy. The crying-type meltdowns appear to be related to sad feelings - one other time was when he thought I'd disappeared. I'd only gone outside the house, but he didn't know that. My heart nearly broke when I saw the huge tears and he told me he thought I'd disappeared for good.

I've also noticed a difference in how he likes to connect with me....really early on, he liked playing with my hair. He also seemed to have a lot of separation anxiety for a long time and liked to be in the same room with me, preferably sitting on my lap.

Now, he likes to pull my hair and will run in to me and try to knock me off my feet, plus hitting or pinching (hard enough to leave bruises), sometimes for no apparent reason that I can see, but often it does seem tied to him returning to my house after being at his Dad's. I don't think of it as much of a meltdown, but so far, I have not found a way to get him to stop it. I assume it is his way of making the transition to being with me again and is his way of reconnecting with me.

Also, sometimes things will seem normal for quite some time, then he will hit me out of the blue. When I ask him why, he often says he doesn't know why - though there are times it is just because I spoke to him and interrupted his train of thought.

I've started to try to talk to him about inappropriate touching, hitting and pinching as I can recall feeling very inclined to want to touch people in my early teens - first I'd touch them with one hand, and then I'd switch and touch them with the other. Drove my siblings nuts.... I also liked (and still do) firm pressure on my fingertips - so I am thinking *maybe* with the pinching, he is trying to get a similar sensation???

Interesting kids we have.... I do think it is possible that how they express themselves is going to change over the years. It is possible that as they get older, they understand more things and will develop different responses to stimuli and triggers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2006
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 10:07pm

Hi Paula.

Many (((hugs)))!!! Could the change be related to your not feeling well? Michael's moods are often dictated by our moods. He seems to be absorbant.

I know exactly how you feel. The last couple of weeks have been worse than normal. Michael had a three week break in services before the summer seesion started, his naps were eliminated and DH was on trial (he is an insurance defense attorney). I tried to do fun things with the kids to keep them busy while DH waw focused on trial. He would still read to them at bedtime, but I think the kids sensed that Daddy was not as fun as normal.

Hopefully this is just a phase on the wonderful rollercoaster ride our children give us.

Kate McC

Michael (5)
Sean (3)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 10:35pm

Thanks for all of your support.


Katherine, I KWYM. I can take the rage and the anger. Anger is empowering. The crying is just like ...defeat. I hate to see him defeated. He doesn.t deserve to feel that way at

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com