Messy /Lazy Child

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2005
Messy /Lazy Child
7
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 1:32am

Ok, so maybe this is just that my son is a boy, or the fact that he's 7, or that he may be Asperger's. But he is extremely , severely messy. Seriously. I'm thinking maybe more so than other kids? He gets food everywhere and doesn't think to wipe his face. He has messy bathroom habits and I find, literally, 30 books on his bed every night and CDs all over the place.

One day I went to pick him up from school and his teacher came to the car. Unfortunately, this was on the same day that I had been out shopping and doing errands and my car was a MESS! So, she says, as her eyes look inside my car, that DS needs to stay after school one day and clean out his desk. She says it's such a mess and he's so disorganized that it's interfering with her teaching. While I wasn't surprised, I was mortified (so much so that I had to stop the car once I drove around the corner), that she saw my car on that specific day! We laughed about it the next day. Anyway...his desk was bad. Water bottles, trash, old papers, notes that were to be sent home, etc. It got slightly better after that, but it's a pattern here at home and everywhere.

Lately (and he knows how and used to do this), he isn't completely zipping his pants or buckling his sandals. When I ask him to buckle the sandals he gets really upset and says he can't....even though he's had the same kind of sandals for 3 yrs now.

One more thing...He's wetting his pants. I think he did this on and off all last year as well. He always waits until the very last, panicky minute. OR he gets so distracted that he goes in his pants instead. Usually it's not all the way, but spotting here and there. like he lets it out in spurts. Ugh.

So, is this just my kid? We are seriously working on giving him more responsibilities at home, but he is not a natural helper. He cries and whines every day when we ask him to do something. Getting him to help in the garden was awful. However, half way through the chore, he was happy and no longer whining and the next day, he begged to work in the garden. I think he felt satisfaction in starting and completing a project. Very cool.

I don't mean to complain about my boy. I just want him to use the great mind and body God gave him. I want him to be a hard worker and a motivated individual...he really struggles with this.

So...is any of this Asperger's or is this just my DS?
Thanks :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2007
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 8:16am

Nope, Liam also 7, as exactly the same way. We'll help him clean his rom, and within hours it's back to being strewn with books, toys, games, clothes...you name it.There is always a collection of water bottles at the head of his bed and in general he's a wee bit of a slob. We are trying to instill a bit more tidiness in him. ie: Sundays are always clean your room days. It's taken around a year but he's getting if he just shoves it all under his bed or chucks it the closet he has to start all over again. Our biggest problem is with both boys pulling out 50 teeny toys for whatever game is paramount and dumping them all over the den's couch and floor. It's soooo hard reclaiming a room once they've dumped their stuff all over. And cleaning it up is like pulling teeth.

At school I don't think Liam is so bad, but only because he is in a self contained small class and it is super structures, (not to mention they don't have desks that can get full of stuff.

As to not knowing when food is on his face and the sandal thing, it could well be sensory, in that he can't feel it, so he doesn't care. I know ds#2 is like that, (one of the many reasons at age four he still isn't potty ready). Does your ds have an aide who can help him? It sounds he needs more supports at school. And trust me if you saw my car you'd be laughing your behind off; not sure I can see the floor at all, lol

Dee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 10:28am

My 8yo AS ds, 12yo AS dd and 45 yo dh are all the same way!!! I really think all three of them have low sensory awareness when it comes to toileting. They never know until 2-seconds before they explode that they need to use the toilet. If I force ds to use the toilet when he doesn't think he needs to, he is STUNNED to discover he actually had a bladder full of urine. Ds and dd have actually gotten better over time at being able to recognize the signals a little sooner. Even though it's not a whole lot sooner, it's enough to usually get them to the toilet before it's too late. Not always, but a dramatic improvement.

My dh was convinced that all of his pants had defective zippers since I was always noticing his zipper down when he was SURE he had zipped it. Amazingly, once he zipped it after I noticed it, it stayed up until the next time he used the toilet. He's had supervisors at work point out his open fly many times. Ds is starting to become the same way. In reality, they are just very distracted and forget to zip.

We've also always had problems with the kids' desks at school. The best thing for that is supports from the school. This past year, the teacher would just set aside a few minutes semi-regularly for ds to clean his desk, and she'd remind him to do it. I'm sure there are better methods, but our supports were just being done informally at that time. I'm not sure what the school has in mind for us next year (we actually start at a new school, so I'm not even familiar with the staff yet).

As far as the mess goes, yep, my kids are the most skilled mess makers I've ever met. It take seconds, literally, for them to destroy anything clean, even if they were the ones who cleaned it. Our house is ALWAYS a wreck because I simply cannot keep up with them, especially when it takes ten times as long to make them clean up their own messes. Our car is usually messy, as well, since I'm so busy addressing whatever meltdown is going on with the kids that I can't stop to clean the car, too. Plus, they often eat in the car since eating generally helps keep their moods moderated. And of course the kids have dragged out a gajillion things that stay rolling around the car as well. I cleaned the car a week ago and have been thrilled that it's actually still mostly clean. That's the longest anything has stayed clean around here!

The kids' therapist just recommended medication for ADD. I'm REALLY hoping it helps enough with their distractibility that they can stay on a cleaning task long enough to accomplish it without a zillion reminders. It won't help with their sensory awareness (eating messes, toileting), but I figure any improvement will make us all happier.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 11:01pm

You could possibly be dealing with two different problems here:



  1. Executive dysfunction

  2. Sensory issues

(or a bit of both on the pottying)


The messy desk and poor organizational skills sould like executive dysfunction to me. Executive function is like the "secretary" of the brain. The piece that keeps the other bits running on time.

-Paula

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 12:03pm

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Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 4:41pm

I hope 13 is the magic number because at 12 Josh is not MR clean and neat at all. He is fixated on wearing the right clothes and all. But His room could be condemened at times as a toxic waste dump. Dh and I are the king and Queen of clutter but not to the extend of Josh. And if I have to look at his dirty skid marked under wear once too much ugh. I have threaten to stick over his head. I have thrown out the more disgusting briefs if I had to instead of washing them

I know Josh has been known to make the mad dash to the bathroom on more than one occasion. I also remember him at the beginning of 5th grade(now I don't know if it was stress or the last minute deal, or someone harassing him)but he wet his pants 3x at school. But i do remember telling him the next time he did that in school I would make him stay that way because he had never done it before, and I didn't care if the school turned me over to the child abuse group. But any way we will see what happens thias year with his new JUnior High school.

Rina

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Registered: 04-24-2003
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 5:23pm

My son is the same way. I constantly tell him to hit the water when going to the potty but

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 9:52pm

Haley just turned 10 and has AS. She has always been horribly messy. She tends to spill food/drinks a lot, drop food on her shirts all the time...

Her room is constantly a sty. I have yet to find the right motivator to get her to keep it at least somewhat picked up. Just doesn't happen. Rewards don't work. Punishment doesn't work. Nothing. I really don't expect her room to be perfect but I would at least like to be able to walk into the room without having to trip over 20 things. I literally cannot see the floor! I have tried making a "to-do" list for her so that she knows what exactly needs to be done but the list just ends up on the floor with everything else. *rolling eyes*

As for potty issues... she is also one of those that when she is engaged in something, doesn't realize she has to go until it is almost too late. She has had numerous accidents in her room because she was too busy playing and by the time she realized she had to go... it was already happening. We have been doing better with that though lately. WHEW!!

My oldest daughter (19 and non-AS) is horrible when it comes to her room as well. She is a slob by nature and a procrastinator when it comes to cleaning up. It just makes me physically ill to walk into her room sometimes so I try to avoid it if at all possible.

My dh isn't much better. I just won't even go there as I could rant about that one for an eternity. LOL

-- Jill



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Mom to Erin (19) and Haley (10yo Asp