Mom or Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Mom or Dad
6
Mon, 09-22-2003 - 11:28pm


Our DS, 5 (no official DX -but likely PDD-NOS,) does not seem to know which of us is which! To him: "Mom" and "Dad" seem to be interchangeable titles for 'parent'. He very often uses both together. Now I answer to:


Mom

Dad

Dadmom

Momdad

I wonder if this is his subtly cunning method of training *me*, to answer whenever he calls, or if he genuinely cannot distinguish. He does not seem to generally have a problem with names or labels -just those ones!

Does anyone have any light to shed on this one? I would really love to know.

Thanks

-Paula

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
In reply to: specialmomx2
Mon, 09-22-2003 - 11:52pm
MY GOSH!!! I got my husband out of bed to come and read your post. Our 3 1/2 year old Caitlin does this EXACT thing. She is not officially diagnosed either, but i am about to get very agressive with her therapists at school.

Catie will say "Thanks Mom" and i say "that was dad" and she will say "Thanks momdad" or "thanks dadmom". And just tonight at dinner she said "thanks mom... no thanks mom, no thanks mom, no thanks mom, thanks Dadmom." meaning Dad was the one she was trying to thank.

I thought it was just Caitlin and the fact that her speech is behind and maybe she was getting a little confused or lazy. But my daughter is doing EXACTLY what your son is doing. This may be another behavior i can add to my list of so many to show to her therapists....

Hope you get some answers. I just wanted to let you know my DH and i are in the same boat you are!!

Helen

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
In reply to: specialmomx2
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 12:29am
This is actually very normal for kids on the specrtum. There are a few different things that can cause this kind of speech malhap, but it all comes down to normal spctrum type behavior. Infact, peds who are not familiar with the spectrum are taught to think 'autism' when they hear of it. It's on the 'steriotypical autistic behaviors' list. That doesn't mean that it's restricted solely to kids with PDDs though. Sever Pragmatic Speech Dysfunction can also cause it, and so can MR of any level. But it most frequently seen in autistics.

When my now 12yo was 4 she called everyone in the family 'Daddy' and everyone else was 'Mommy'. We eventually figured out that she made this association b/c at that time if I wasn't at work I was at school or vica versa. Daddy was the one who was home most and was the primary care giver at the time.

When Jade (now 9) was 5 she called everyone in the famiy dadmom, except me, I was momdad. She still has problems with calling me 'Grandma' and dgm 'Dad' sometimes. And she only recently grew out of calling DH 'Mom'. Oh, but she has taken to calling my parnter 'dadscott' on occasion. In her mind grown men are 'dad' (we had to drill the 'dad' concept into her).

Eva calls everyone 'Grandma', end of story. If you ask her straight out "Who am I?" she can say "You're Mom" or "You're Dad", depnding on who is asking. But when she's just tryin gto get someone's attention she says "Grandma" and expects us to know *which* grandma she means. LOL.

Oh, and for a while after we got Jade to stop calling DH 'Mom' she called him 'butdad', to which he would respond "I don't see a Butdad here. Do see anyone named Butdad in the room?" LOL.

Yes, add it to you list of things to tell the dr.

Peace,

Candes

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
In reply to: specialmomx2
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 9:33am
Thanks Candes. That helps. I have been trying to tell them for ages that he *is* on the spectrum, although because he is relatively tuned in socially, they are telling me no. (not ruling out the pragmatic speech thing either, mind you -his language is *really* bad). It's on the list.

I had to laugh Helen, at you dragging poor DH out of bed. The post wasn't moving! I am glad that we are not the only ones with this issue. Although it's a small thing, it did bother me, and calling me 'Dadmom' certainly raises eyebrows in K-mart!

-Paula


-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Avatar for suitemadameblue
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: specialmomx2
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 11:01am
We go thru this at times with Tristan (7yo, PDD-NOS). What he gets stuck on more often than not is mistakenly calling one of us the other's name, then getting *stuck*(stuttering/stammering) until he gets the correct one out - Ex: when talking to me, he'll say "Thank you, Daddy. I mean, Da, I mean Da, I mean Da, I mean, UGH - MOMMY!" At which times he practically yells my name just to get it out. (yes, stuttering runs in my family to begin with. Add his dx, and he gets really bad with it at times)

The worst is going to come about during the next week. My parents just left today after being here for 3days -- I am going to be Gramma until he gets it out of his system. He knows the difference, but the connection between his mind and his mouth is sometimes a little slow on the catch-up.

It is nice to know, tho, that we're not all alone on this! lol ;)

~Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
In reply to: specialmomx2
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 11:21am
Carrie,

OMG! Peter stutters too!

It's usually when he is stressed -such as when family visit. He does not seem to notice it much yet though, so we ignore it. The SLP told me that stuttering usually runs from father-son, but there are no stutters in DH's family, and I tend to do it if under EXTREME stress -death of a family member kind of thing. This make me wonder if the SLP is entirely correct?

-Paula

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
In reply to: specialmomx2
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 12:52pm
lol, Sorry Paula, i had to drag him out of bed. Your post was really enlightening to me. It makes me wonder how much other stuff that she does that i am completely missing or blowing off. But at dinner the night before last, she sat there and said thank you like 15 times. Mark said "Ok already! Eat!" lol

But she doesnt repeat herself as a stim. It is almost like she just gets stuck like a record sometimes and most of the time it is just a few repeats and she moves on. And it isn't often enough for therapists and doctors to hear her do it. It is usually at night when we are at the table and definately when both Mark and i are at home. I don't usually experience the DadMom during the day. But at night we do. Usually almost everynight.

And we were just laughing it off thinking she was just confused and she would work it out in time. But now i am wondering if i should start setting up a tape recorder at dinner and taking it to all these therapists and doctors. I am getting REALLY frustrated here! LOL

Thanks Paula for asking that question. I don't think that was a subject i would have brought up. But i am glad you did!!

helen