This mommy is venting like a volcano!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
This mommy is venting like a volcano!
8
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 4:11pm

I am very, very depressed and I need help with coping. I have 3 huge stressors that hit at the same time. FIL had stroke and is in nursing home cannot return to his home ever. My mother has breast cancer and just found more (different type of cancer) in another area of the breast so on Tuesday she will have a mastectomy instead of a lumpectomy plus radiation. My ds was just diagnosed ASD and I have had to make a zillion phone calls setting up new IEP, reopen his case at the Regional center and find social skills groups that are not too far away or too expensive, etc. etc. etc.

Every day I feel like I am holding back the tears especially in front of my ds. Although he does know about Grandpa and how sad we feel. I am underweight and flabby. I look disgusting. Met a friend for lunch last week and first thing she said is "You look terrible". Lovely!

I am tired of everyone telling me not to worry about ds because he is so smart and going to be fine. Duh! I know that but AM I GOING TO BE FINE!!! I did not ask to be an advocate for a special needs child. I am about the last personality type that you would want for the job! Not to mention I am dealing with my own health issues for the past 6-7 months.

I am on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds and feel like they are doing nothing at the moment for me. I have an appointment set up with a new therapist but not til next Friday. I hope it isn't another loser because the last therapist I tried could not understand why I would be anxious about the results of my ds evaluation for ASD or why I was worried about the school district issues. She refused to set up any kind of plan of action for me, she just wanted to chat. She, like every other psycholgist approved by our medical insurance policy is not very proficient. I also see my doctor this coming week and want to figure out if my medications are no longer working or if we need to increase the dose or what.

On a good note we have a nanny who has been helping me in the mornings. She is an exceptional person(actually does in-home work with kids with ASDs). She has offered to give a weekend break (one night free for my dh's birthday). We are going to Palm Springs to a very quiet, relaxing place and I will do the spas there and dh will hike in the beautiful mountains (although I would like to do short hikes together too).

Thanks for letting me blow like Haleakala!
Molly

Molly
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 4:51pm

((((MOLLY))))

First things first. Take care of yourself. If mom isn't healthy then nothing can get done. I am glad you are seeing a new therapist and going to the doc to take care of yourself. If the new therapist is a knucklehead shoot me an email. I know a couple in our area who do work with parents of SN kids and are good or at least highly recomended. One may be on your insurance.

Next I am reminded of my days working in a treatment center for teens where 12 step stuff was king. That old poem

God, grant me
the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the currage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

It is hard to accept all those medical issues with your family and I know that your DH is taking the stuff with your dad hard. But I think in this case it is to decide what you guys CAN do in this situation and focus on that and accept and grieve the other parts. It is very hard I am sure. I hope you DH is getting therapy as well to work through the grieving process so he can get past it. I understand his dad is has not passed away but in a way he did lose the dad he did have as things have changed so dramatically.

Then as far as being an advocate for your child, it is hard but I know you will do great at it. I have met you and I don't think you are the worst person for the job. You are exactly the right person Liam needs for the job. This would fall under "The courage to change the things I can". You can do this one small step at a time.

Make a list. Those things you want to address and change. Then organize the list so that some of the easier things are at the top of the list and start ticking them off one by one. Once you get a couple things accomplished and feel like you are making progress the rest will come easier. But a to do list with SN kids is often a must just to keep ourselves organized.

And you come and vent any darn time.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 8:13pm

((((((Molly))))))),


You can vent here anytime! That is one of the functions of this board. This is a safe place to unleash some of that tension.

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2006
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 9:33pm

(((((((((((Molly)))))))))))))
No one asks for this job. It kinda just gets handed down. I have/had a similar situation via just getting a dx, health in the family and just finding out that I am pregnant again.

I agree with the girls. You must come first. If you don't take care or YOU all else will fail. Each day/nite I take time to work on my scrapbook, take a hot shower and maybe a glass of wine (pre preggers of course)

God will help you. I have questioned that a few times, but all in all he is there to help.
This board has been my safe place.
Hope it's there for you too

Nora

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 9:51pm

I'm sorry you're having a rough time.


I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 10:07pm

Now how cool is that advice Paula.

You need to post that separately and I wish there were stickies here on this board for that. This is advice I certainly can use and will remember.

Thus a new tag line is born in the AS/PDD board. IT is time to put down the water.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 01-14-2007 - 12:05am

Vent away my dear!


You have gotten some fabulous advice in this thread, and I don't really have much to add, but I wanted to thank you for posting this....there are so many of us feeling this way, of course not everyone in your circumstance completely but frusterated and volcano-ish nonetheless.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Sun, 01-14-2007 - 12:34am

Thank you ALL!! The advice and support are very helpful to me and very touching too. I put down the glass of water and picked up a glass of wine tonight (tee hee). I wrote the serenity prayer and put it up on my bathroom mirror. I may need one for the car too. I'm so grateful for all the wise women here and the support you give. My ds has been telling me a lot lately "I love you mommy" or the other day "I like you mommy" and it makes it so worth it! My dh brought home flowers and a bottle of wine tonight and wow did that help. Anyways you all helped tremendously.

Molly

Molly
Avatar for toryanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 01-14-2007 - 2:33am

{{{HUGS}}} I don't have much else to say but vent when you feel like venting, and isn't it nice when dh thinks about relieving Mommy's stress?

Oh I did just think of one thing. As far as organizing everything with your son's IEP, take a page from the FLY Ladies on this one and do it in 15 min intervals. Anything can be done when you break it down into time limits then it doesn't seem so overwhelming. I've always been quick to break things down for Victor to get his work done but often forget that it helps everyone, not just our SN needs.

Again, you've gotten great advice, I just wanted to add my {{{HUGS}}}

Alexis